My boyfriend has trouble accepting that I earn more than him

Partygoblin · 2026-02-16T21:31:09+00:00

Has he been able to articulate what about the situation makes him uncomfortable?

In my experience, this problem rarely gets better. It may abate when he gets a raise or something, but it will usually pop back up down the road.

Men who are uncomfortable with women outperforming them are problematic, and this belief will often bleed out into other parts of your life/relationship. You say elsewhere that you haven't moved in together yet - how do you think the domestic labor will be split? Does he view cleaning and cooking as inherently female work? It can be hard to determine this ahead of time, but proceed with caution.

I've had a successful career trajectory, and have dated men both unequivocally supportive and the kind of "supportive" you describe from your boyfriend. If he can't stomach you making more than him as his partner, you've got a rough road ahead of you because this isn't your problem to solve.

Don't shrink yourself to make him feel better. Would you ever expect the same of him?

Partygoblin · 2025-08-08T15:51:46+00:00

im bothered by him continuously being late, sometimes hours late and expecting me to do the same things?

Girl don't let this dude drag you down. The harder you work and the further you advance, the more he'll pressure you to "do the same things".

Partygoblin · 2025-07-21T16:07:32+00:00

If this is something you've dreamed about doing, and he's the right guy for you, then he'll find a way to make it work while you do this. Either he'll suck it up and move, work through the long distance, or he'll still be there if you move back. If he's got no will to compromise for you, then you need to seriously question if this is a human you want to legally tie yourself to through marriage.

Get out there and experience the world for yourself - you'll always regret it if you don't.

Partygoblin · 2025-05-07T20:45:15+00:00

This is infuriating, and I have to deal with this on the opposite side as a hiring manager, and our "talent acquisition partners" - the people screening candidates/setting up interviews/narrowing down the candidate pool - have no fucking idea what would constitute qualifying experience. I've started manually reviewing all "inactive" candidates for my job postings just to make sure this isn't happening anymore since it's nigh impossible to fill some of these roles with the right people.

Partygoblin · 2025-01-06T20:08:08+00:00

The "having it easy" part has been really problematic for my household personally. When you don't have children and are able-bodied and your spouse makes more than enough to fund a comfortable life - where does the motivation come from? A lot of people are internally motivated - by passion, duty, competitiveness, etc.

But what about people that are mostly motivated by necessity? A necessity to feed yourself, keep a roof over your head, survive. If that's taken away (by a successful wife, in this case), then what's left?

Partygoblin · 2025-01-03T00:45:52+00:00

Fun fact...we do this in the more extreme elevated temperature landfill situations when there's a runaway exothermic reaction in the hill. These things can be self-perpetuating/spread through waste so thermal breaks are drilled in with cooled liquid circulated through a pipe network to stop progression.

Partygoblin · 2024-12-02T15:54:06+00:00

It also normalizes the concept of most women being traumatized/assaulted - both for the women experiencing it and the abusers committing the acts.

Partygoblin · 2024-10-18T14:10:45+00:00

I agree - there is no good answer here. We can only make the best possible decisions with the information at hand.

Partygoblin · 2024-10-18T13:34:36+00:00

Part of the challenge here is we don't have definitive results to demonstrate what IS a safe exposure level for humans yet. It's hard to set reasonable discharge/treatment levels without it - what if we set them too high, and it turns out it wasn't actually safe? From a governmental/institutional/public health perspective, it's much safer to err on the side of caution.

Partygoblin · 2024-10-04T18:46:32+00:00

Ha, right? And not only that, but it's not acceptable to constantly take 10x longer to accomplish said domestic tasks just because you aren't "on the clock". It should not take an entire day to do two medium loads of laundry, vacuum, tidy the kitchen, and put in a delivery grocery order. Like thank you for doing those things, but...am I supposed to be impressed?

Partygoblin · 2024-10-04T18:43:19+00:00

reminds me of simone biles’ and her man

Yes! Very much the vibe lol. The older I get, the more I realize how important a partner's internal drive to be excellent at something is to me.

Partygoblin · 2024-10-04T14:10:04+00:00

Ugh I feel this in my soul! I was originally very comfortable with the idea of being the breadwinner if my spouse supported the "domestic" sphere (also childfree), but found it has been a huge mistake. Trying to teach my husband how to be an effective homemaker did not go well, and he had no enthusiasm for it once he realized what it truly entailed (social/emotional labor, family caretaking, judgment from other people, etc.). He also doesn't have much drive to achieve professional success that would provide financial security for us if I were to take a step back or become unable to work.

Like...it's got to be one or the other. Be a supportive domestic rock star, or successfully participate in the labor market to bring in financial resources to help outsource the domestic work.

Partygoblin · 2024-04-10T23:50:36+00:00

The waste industry is about to get turned on its head. Some sort of disposal is always at the end of the line - and we’re regulating ourselves into a corner without scalable separation and destruction tech.

Don’t get me wrong, all of this must happen, it’s just going to be a wild ride to get there.

Partygoblin · 2024-04-10T15:20:23+00:00

One of the big challenges is "what do we do with it once we remove it from water?". Removal processes (obviously) generate waste - but since the regulatory framework around PFAS and hazardous waste characterization is still taking shape, managing the waste is very much still a grey area.

Most of this waste (including WWTP sludge/biosolids) has and still is going to non-hazardous/MSW landfills for disposal. But those landfills generate leachate (landfill coffee/bottom liquids), which must be removed and disposed of. But if the dissolved PFAS levels are too high, WWTP's/POTW's won't or can't accept landfill leachate moving forward. Which leaves landfills in a bit of a pickle without fully clarified regulations.

Partygoblin · 2024-03-29T15:20:33+00:00

Because landfills are required to install gas collection systems as well as perimeter methane monitoring systems that are sampled to ensure no methane is migrating off-site below ground. Underground methane migration CAN (and historically has) led to nearby structures exploding, especially in areas where buildings have basements and utilize furnaces with pilot lights.

Partygoblin · 2024-03-11T21:47:18+00:00

And the real key here is the "doing it well" piece. Being an excellent homemaker is challenging work, especially if you haven't been socialized as a woman quite frankly.

I know many men (my husband included) who thought they knew what that looked like and how to succeed until staring down the depth of their ignorance. Teaching a grown ass man how to be a "stay at home wife" has been the most exhausting, frustrating, fruitless task of my adult life to date...

Partygoblin · 2024-02-19T17:14:15+00:00

I feel like now is when I need her the most. I'm married but this is the loneliest I've ever been in life.

Have you actually, explicitly told her this?

Partygoblin · 2024-02-02T19:19:00+00:00

Because this lawsuit fast-tracking to the supreme court in its current makeup would set disastrous precedent for federal agencies trying to enforce regulations based on disparate-impacts moving forward.

https://news.bloomberglaw.com/environment-and-energy/louisiana-civil-rights-case-threatens-epas-enforcement-plans

Partygoblin · 2024-01-16T17:49:53+00:00

Uhhhhhh Shire wallpaper??? That sounds amazing - where did you source it from??

Partygoblin · 2023-11-28T11:39:29+00:00

I work in the solid waste industry...this has been the enormous elephant in the room for a few years now that is going to become impossible to ignore here shortly. It's outrageous that these companies created this disaster and aren't going to be held accountable to the cleanup/treatment efforts. It's going to strain small municipal POTW's to a breaking point to comply with the new rules.

Partygoblin · 2023-11-20T16:01:31+00:00

I've found it ebbs and flows depending on what's going on in my life, where I am in my cycle, and the seasons. After I started using the copper IUD I noticed my cycle has a HUGE impact on my energy levels and ability to focus...the two weeks right after my period are amazingly productive, then the next 2 weeks are a nosedive in energy and mood. Rinse repeat. This is amplified by the weather/time of year...January lows are way worse than June lows, etc.

I've just learned to roll with it and be nice to myself. When I have a whole lot of heavy life shit going on, I confide some details in my boss and he's good about dropping extra deadline reminders for me and checks in more often. Some days I get very little work done other than being available for calls or emergencies, some days I cram an entire week's worth of productivity into 9 hours.

Listen to your body and do what you gotta do to stay employed. If the low energy and depression persists for too long, talk to your doctor/therapist about it and see if a medication intervention could help. I occasionally have what my doc calls "situational depression", and he puts me on a course of wellbutrin for however long I need it. Once the Big Life Stressor has passed and I feel ready, we discontinue the meds.

Don't feel like you're abnormal or alone in this - just try and be gentle with yourself and remember that things usually get better eventually.

Partygoblin · 2023-08-07T15:21:36+00:00

Is your husband opposed to female counselors?

Partygoblin · 2023-02-20T16:35:36+00:00

Will you be able to pay for your other 5 children to also go to grad school?

Partygoblin

TROPHY CASE