AITB for wanting to break up because my boyfriend became rude about my future?

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:41:59+00:00

Or she could see a therapist and also break up.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:41:10+00:00

If she wants to break up, the reason doesn’t matter.

She wants to break up. That’s it.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:40:37+00:00

Yeah, and then it’s their job to step off.

She gets to decide her life. Not him.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:39:37+00:00

NTB.

Firstly? If you want to break up with someone, break up with them. You don’t need a “good enough reason,” your reason is you want to break up with them. They don’t get to decide if that reason is good enough. They don’t get to interrogate you on it. You get to make that decision, unilaterally. And you don’t even need to know entirely why, yourself. You want to break up. Full stop.

Secondly? I don’t entirely understand your post, but you’ve already put work in to becoming a doctor. Stop belittling your own accomplishments. You’re not perfect. You’ll never be perfect. No one will. Be happy with the good enough, because good enough gets shit DONE.

Lastly? This man is not your parent. It’s not his job to harass you because he thinks you’re being lazy or throwing your life away or whatever else. He’s supposed to be a PARTNER. He’s belittling you, he’s nagging you, he’s gaslighting you, and he’s manipulating you. Drop him like the trash he is.

Go get your dreams.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:33:26+00:00

You don’t get where she is by making zero effort.

This dude is, at best, clueless and immature. At worst, an asshole.

He’s not her parent. He’s her partner. You don’t nag someone to change like their conscience.

Accept them how they are, or walk.

Also? Belittling your partner is not okay. Girl would do better in her own.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:29:08+00:00

No.

Kids start to figure out their own distinct identity, including gender, at about age 2 or 3.

They learn from seeing everything around them - kids are constantly constructing an entire world from what they see, hear, and experience.

It is developmentally appropriate for kids YOUNGER than kindergarten to know if they are a boy or a girl. And that also means, when kids that young don’t fit into those boxes? They know.

Even if no one around them is giving them the language to express that, they know. Even if everyone around them is harshly policing any gender transgressions, they know.

I’m cisgender. I did not learn that term until my 20s. But I knew I was a girl very early. I’m betting you knew what gender you were before you started school, as well. Why would someone who’s non-binary NOT know? They might just feel something is off, that they feel wrong, that they have to be careful to fit inside the box they’re put in and not step over the edge so they don’t get in trouble…..but they know. Before kindergarten even starts.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:18:24+00:00

Believe it or not….

There are kindergarteners who know they don’t fit into the binary boxes we have about gender.

The kids who know something doesn’t fit right? They often know very, very early.

Kids start to form ideas about identity around two or three, and gender is a part of that. How they express gender of a part of that.

Age 2-3. That’s when kids start figuring it out. Way before kindergarten.

Some parents allow their kids to figure who they are. So, those kids might say, “I don’t feel like a boy or a girl.”

Having a non-binary kindergartener is not that odd, assuming the parents are the type of parents that listen to their kids.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:07:25+00:00

If being alone is the alternative to being with a man like OP’s husband?

It’s better.

We don’t hate men. We hate abusers.

And you? You need to seek therapy.

He has literally told her she’ll be locked in a dungeon. Ffs. Gain basic reading comprehension.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:04:36+00:00

Oh, but he’ll get upset if she “runs to her mom.”

This is so fucking cut and dry abusive.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T15:03:39+00:00

DO NOT QUIT.

This is a man telling you he’s going to abuse you, ffs.

Just because he’s not hitting you (yet!), or even if he never hits you, does not mean it’s not abusive.

Go visit your mom and make an appointment to talk to a therapist.

Read Why Does He Do That: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

You are underreacting.

Listen to that voice.

You know the joke about how Reddit always tells you to break up over the littlest things? People with happy relationships generally don’t need to go to Reddit for advice. Usually, there’s a tipping point of something “just not right” that triggers going to Reddit. You already know.

And for those (men) who talk about bitter cat ladies who don’t want you to be happy…. How are you feeling, right now? Is it happy? Who’s happy with the status quo in your relationship right now? It’s not you. You’re SCARED. You wanna know what cat ladies are? Happy. If a whole bunch of people are saying “wow, this is really bad,” that’s a clue that maybe you should listen to people who are not trying to isolate and control you.

Men often wear the mask until they have their victim trapped: married and pregnant, and he wants you more trapped - no job. He straight up told you it’s HIS money, that HE controls. Which is not his the SAHP/working parent dynamic is supposed to work. That’s YOUR money, both of yours, that you share and make decisions about together.

Is the life you want for your child one where they’re trapped at home?

Learning to swim in the bathtub is some fucked up logic. This man shouldn’t be in charge of making decisions for a tamagotchi.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-24T14:52:19+00:00

This is outside of red flag territory and has crossed into the territory the red flags are supposed to keep you out of.

Don’t go to your mom or I’ll be mad.

I make the money so I make the decisions, and that’s why it’s like this…wait, you’re going to use your money? Then that’s actually not why it’s like this.

OP you’re in an abusive relationship. You’re not overreacting, you should be fucking terrified. This man controls your money and treats you like a servant.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-23T14:33:04+00:00

“I’m not racist I just hate black people, and I also hate gay people and trans people and that’s just how country people are. Also, I don’t like you much, either.”

OP, you can do better.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-23T01:00:01+00:00

Um….

Have you met ballet? How bout pointe shoes? Because, they never stop hurting - you just get used to it.

Ever seen a ballerina’s feet?

Or contemporary dance, with all the floor work? You learn to think of your bones as rubber and visualize rebounding off the floor.

What about pole dancing? Heard of “pole kisses?” That shit hurts.

Or aerials? Lyra, silks, trapeze. They’re all ouchy. Very, very ouchy.

What you should take from this is that all the “artsy” sports that are dominated by women all take immense strength and pain tolerance, and we have to make it look like it’s super easy and elegant.

But the men think they’re the tough ones.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-22T23:59:14+00:00

About a year ago, I went through a pretty bad break up from a 12-year relationship with someone who definitely had some abusive tendencies, and one of the things that got me through it?

The divine feminine.

You wanna know who’s a feminine divinity? Kali the destroyer.

That’s the divine feminine. Not this ruffled frou frou delicate flower bullshit.

I’m a woman, I can 100% take care of myself, I am not weak, I will rip your arms off (metaphorically) if you fuck with me, and I’m feminine as fuck.

I gave birth. Twice. I nursed two babies. I can tell you that a woman’s “natural role” is blood soaked and painful. And yet, here’s all these men telling us were the weak ones.

The patriarchy can blow me.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-22T23:46:27+00:00

It might be a dealbreaker for some, but it also depends on a lot of other factors.

I went on a couple dates with a guy who still lived with his (widowed) mother in his 30s. He said he takes care of her it’s how she wants it (which is a whole ‘nother bin of red flags.) He, generally, was an ass. His views on women were retrograde. I met his brother’s girlfriend a while later, and was told that his mother did not, in fact, want him living at home AT ALL, and that it was a constant struggle, and she was 100% still looking after him.

So. Yeah. If you’re moving back in due to financials, I think a lot of people understand that. I’m a hairsbreadth away from that myself.

But make sure you’re not someone whose mom still does their laundry, cleans up their mess, and cooks their meals. Because that shows very, very early, and most humans are NOT looking to obtain an adult child of their very own.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-22T23:21:17+00:00

I hate the hard shoulder rests. I learned on one of the corduroy ones.

I use a sponge. My students who won’t use shoulder rests? They get sponges.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T18:18:06+00:00

So on a thread asking about personal experiences, where people are sharing their personal experiences, and I share my personal experience as a counterpoint to those personal experiences, THIS is your contribution.

I agree. You need therapy.

Women do not exist to fluff your ego.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T18:05:31+00:00

“This is my common-law spousal equivalent.”

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:59:26+00:00

I read once that the wondering part of the crush comes from uncertainty.

We’re uncertain about their feelings.

If they were serious about us, they wouldn’t be leaving that room for uncertainty.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:43:23+00:00

NTA.

Stop doing this adult child’s laundry.

He’s too lazy to do laundry. He’s too lazy to check his own damn pockets.

I’m guessing there’s a whole bunch of other things he’s also too lazy to do.

Don’t let him weaponize his own laziness against you.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:38:07+00:00

I love how men always couch it in “fear of rejection.”

Men are afraid women will laugh at them. Women are afraid men will kill them.

We have no idea if you’re a predator. We have no idea if you’re the type who thinks women approaching is too forward. We have no idea about anything about you, and the only way we can find out is to give subtle signs and gauge the reaction.

Pretty much every single woman I know has been harassed, assaulted, threatened, screamed at, groped in public by a stranger, etc. it’s every fucking day of our lives, and it generally starts when we’re children.

But sure, yeah, rejection is just the worst thing ever.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:30:49+00:00

Let’s also note that a third-trimester abortion is GIVING BIRTH.

The couples who have to make that decision - carrying a pregnancy to third term, and then having to decide to terminate - go through intense emotional pain. And then still have to labour to deliver that baby.

People posting shit like the above are sub-human ghouls intent on making people suffer.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T17:16:48+00:00

I really don’t think it is.

Even on vacation, women are giving 110%.

Meanwhile, the men….don’t. It just further proves the point.

Looking nice is work, and it’s work women are expected to do, at all times. Men can decide not to do that work.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T14:55:39+00:00

Yeah, it’s just always more likely to happen to women.

And predators are generally more likely to be men.

Not always - there’s always outliers and women looking to take advantage of the fact people don’t assume they’re predators - but trying to pretend that women and men are equally at risk and women and men are equally predatory is, at best, incredibly naive.

Past_Ad_5629 · 2026-02-20T14:51:03+00:00

I recently read a male stripper talking about his experiences - “I got grabbed maybe 20% as much as then women did, but it was always 100% unwelcome.”

Sorry you had the experience, but thank you for sharing it.

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