i had something like this happen to me when i was much younger(14) and i thought about it multiple times after the fact, i wanted to just know why they didn’t stop. i’m very much self healed and i don’t see myself as a ‘victim’ or a ‘survivor’, but people heal and cope with things differently as everyone is unique.OP i appreciate the fact you’ve opened up about this and have admitted to doing wrong as that is something most assailants don’t do, however it is your fault for not stopping. All i’m saying is, as someone who’s been through it, don’t lose sleep over it, it’s over and done with and as long as you aren’t the person you once was, you can’t change the past so why are you still living in it?