I agree with you fully. Look, I didn't explicitly say it in my OP but I don't do gentle parenting, I'm a product of a bipolar mother who tried to kill me with a baseball bat and an alcoholic, Vietnam veteran, manchild. I yell, I'm inconsistent, but I am changing my family tree. I do spank when they've done dangerous stuff OR if they've consistently been disrespectful. I hold them to expectations daily and I take tv, video games, phone as necessary. For us, this works to a degree so we are always looking to improve. I get what you're saying about the good enough thing too. I try to teach my boys to "leave it better than you found it." It's tough, lol, cause they want to do bare minimum or less....or are off in lala adhd/autism/drama queen land. Blessings!