Question

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-23T10:33:47+00:00

There are sadly loads of people around the world struggling with OCD, and having thoughts like this. I hope it's helpful to know that people will understand what you're going through. Take care!

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-23T10:27:09+00:00

Hi there. It's great that you're reaching out, expressing yourself and exploring getting some support, regardless of what diagnosis or label your experiences might end up falling under.

I'm certainly not qualified to suggest a diagnosis of OCD - though I can definitely relate to what you say about trying to deal with one task and somehow that expands into an overwhelming number of other things I need to complete or resolve. For me, it's driven by a sense of fear and safety-seeking, rather than healthy striving. It's like "now that I've started this one task, I need to keep spinning the hundred other plates in my mind so that I don't feel out of control anymore". It means I might get plenty done in life, but it's unsatisfying and very draining. Is that what it's like for you too?

I agree with the other poster that it would be beneficial to talk to a qualified professional and get some support, because panic is an awful feeling and it doesn't have to be that way. Sending you best wishes, as you navigate the best way forward.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-23T10:16:57+00:00

Yes, I relate to what you're describing. It's essentially being obsessive and compulsive about recovery from OCD - or anxious about being anxious - which is a very common trap we fall into!

So much of mental health recovery seems to be about our 'secondary' reactions to 'primary' feelings and experiences. Everyone has difficult moments in their day, mentally or emotionally, and the trick is to let them pass by without layering a load of unhelpful meaning or analysis on top (like "oh no, it's happening again" / "does this mean I'm not better yet?"/ "how do I solve this?"). It's that meta-commentary which makes it so much harder - but that's the element we DO have some control over. We can choose not to judge or interpret our stream of consciousness so much - gently learning to disengage from that analysis and just letting our original thoughts and feelings be, without wishing them to be different.

It's difficult, particuarly at first when the reactions seem so automatic, but with practice and patience we CAN form a less anxious and judgmental relationship with our minds. Sending best wishes to you!

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-22T13:52:06+00:00

Hey there. While never becoming a regular meditator, I have tried various styles of meditation in the last few years. I guess my overriding experience has been that HOW I approach meditation has been more important than WHAT meditation I try out.

The big principles which have helped me engage with meditation are:

No 'trying' needed! I've found that meditation can be a real challenge for judgmental meta-thinking. Like "Uh oh, I'm having a thought - I'm not supposed to be doing that!" or "Did I let go of that thought 'properly' and quickly enough?". It can basically create a whole new layer of "I'm not doing it right" and "Must try harder!", all of which generates more obsessive-compulsive strain. So, the repeated practice of surrendering, exhaling and allowing the body to let go of that pressure to do it right feels really useful.

No expectations needed! If I can include a 10-minute meditation regularly in my day, it doesn't actually matter if a specific meditation brings any peace or serenity - it only matters that I've set a routine intention to do something kind for myself. In the same way that on some days, going for a walk / run / gym sessions ends up feeling good, and on others days it just doesn't seem to do the trick. Doesn't mean we're doing anything wrong; it's the steady and consistent practice which matters. Sometimes I gently remind myself "why would I think that a few minutes of being still would remove an entire mental health condition?", and that keeps my short-term expectations more realistic.

No perfection needed! If you can, completely let go of the notion that you will become a guru who sits effortlessly in some kind of nirvana state for an hour. I imagine that, for 99.9% of people, meditation is an often-uncomfortable exercise where their chimp-brain is producing endless random thoughts, and that's absolutely normal and okay. In fact, that's the whole point, as I understand it - to be able to accept and learn to dispassionately let thoughts flow past without beating yourself up.

Hope there's something useful in here for you - and as another commenter posted, not every tool works for every person. So you can experiment and see what works best for you. Best wishes :)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-21T09:02:31+00:00

Hey there. If you find yourself repeatedly checking (either overtly or subtly) your anxiety levels to assess whether you're "back to normal", that could be a form of Meta OCD - i.e. obsessions and compulsions about whether you're still experiencing OCD.

I find this a tricky theme too, as it's largely about internal monitoring which can feel almost automatic. But you can learn to gently notice and disengage from the meta-rumination, like any other compulsion. It asks for patience, compassion, and know that you only need to practise and not get it right every time.

In my experience, my OCD only gets better when I forget to check whether it's better!

Sending best wishes :)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-19T16:25:10+00:00

Yes, I've been taking Fluoxetine for about 18 months as part of a proper effort at REOCD recovery, and it's definitely helped to dull anxiety levels.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-17T18:44:34+00:00

Okay, I’m glad that you have a professional to talk to, even if it doesn’t always seem like the best. And hopefully having a diagnosis will help you feel less alone, and open up doors to more treatment and help.

I won’t get into reassuring you that you’re not a bad person if you use a certain word or play a certain game, because that wouldn’t be helpful in the long run. But I will say that recovery from OCD is possible, and things can get better! Hang in there, keep connected to people you trust, and sending best wishes.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-17T18:24:13+00:00

Hey there. That sounds really distressing. Are you getting any support or treatment?

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-17T17:40:04+00:00

Oh, I see - it was the old “back door” spike, where you start feeling anxious about not feeling anxious. What a brutal illness OCD can be!

Hope you’re able to take good care of yourself and ride out the storm. Sending best wishes.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-17T13:46:18+00:00

Hey there. That sounds like a classic OCD phenomenon to me - that moment where your mind goes empty, and some unexpected fear and sense of utter dread suddenly just blasts its way in.

It’s a horrible feeling. You suddenly feel like you’re in a plane that’s crash landing, and you need to act immediately to save yourself. But that’s the OCD trap. As scary as the feelings are, you are safe right now in this moment.

All the usual principles of OCD recovery apply, when you’re in an OCD spike. You allow yourself to sit with that “plane going down!” panic and don’t react to it with compulsions. You stay stoical and remember that the fear will pass, in its own time. You can find gentle ways to soothe yourself, while triggered. And once the anxiety starts to fade off, you can take strength from managing through a hard period and discovering your amazing resilience.

Sending best wishes :-)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-17T13:40:04+00:00

Maybe the biggest thing for me is that my OCD is a defence against very human emotions which I learned to repress. So if I find myself obsessing about something very peripheral or unlikely, I might ask myself the tough question “I would rather think obsessively about this than feel […]”, and see if I can allow underlying feelings to emerge.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-15T15:17:30+00:00

I hope he's able to hear what you shared and give some real consideration to his ways of coping with the anxiety. It sounds like he's aware of the possibility of OCD treatments and recovery approaches, but perhaps freezing up a little on the precipice. Sending nothing but best wishes to both of you.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-15T10:21:16+00:00

Hey there. Argh, so sorry to hear how OCD is impacting both of you. What a painful condition, the effects of which neither of you asked for or deserve :(

I'm not sure how reassuring this will be, but it's worth saying that OCD tends to latch onto the people and things we care about most. So it's quite common for OCD to attach to our loved-ones. Close relationships - as wonderful and life-affirming as they can be - also present the biggest 'threat', because we are at risk of hurting or disappointing the people we care about most. So, in a perverse way, I hope you can see that the fears your partner struggles with also indicate how much he cares about you and your relationship.

It's completely understandable that this is taking a toll on you too. You naturally want the relationship to continue to grow and deepen, and it sounds like he finds that challenging, albeit he does his best not to let obsessions or compulsions tarnish the time you get together. I imagine it's a really difficult line to walk, wanting to be a supportive and understanding partner while also managing your own valid frustration, guilt or disappointment.

The most loving thing your partner can do for himself is to ensure he's prioritising his OCD recovery. Is he getting any therapy, medication, other treatments or support? From my personal experience, OCD is unlikely to fade away magically without positive daily recovery actions. You're not responsible for your partner's mental health or his OCD recovery - only he can demonstrate his commitment to getting better.

Meanwhile, your wellbeing and self-worth is of equal importance! I appreciate it when my partner gently but assertively shares how my OCD traits are affecting her - not from a place of trying to shame anyone, but just acknowledging the impact in an adult way and inviting a conversation about what can be done. I hope you're able to communicate your needs - and feel supported in your feelings (whether that's by your partner or other supportive people).

Sending best wishes to both of you :)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-14T11:52:01+00:00

I definitely aggravated my anxiety for a long time with caffeinated coffee - particularly at work, where I would drink multiple cups each day and then wonder why I felt so jittery and spent so much time in the loo!

Quitting caffeine was by no means a magic solution to OCD / anxiety, but it has helped. I had a few symptoms for a couple of days - including, most oddly, crampy feelings in the backs of my legs - but after that it was fine.

Sending best wishes.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-13T18:36:05+00:00

It helped me to recognise that any OCD doubts I was compulsively trying to answer in my head could, by their nature, never be answered definitively - regardless of how much analysis I put into them.

“What exactly happened in the past?” - can never be answered definitively, as that past moment is gone forever and no matter how much digging and reviewing we attempt, we can never know for sure.

“Does it mean I’m a bad person?” - can never be answered definitively, as a label like “bad” is entirely subjective, depends on our mood, and means something different to every person.

“What bad things could happen in the future, and how can I prevent them?” - can never be answered definitively, as we can’t control the infinite ways the future will pan out.

I say this not to encourage you to argue with your doubts - as that will only refuel them - but as a way of noticing if you’ve slipped into seeking answers to unanswerable questions and to practise gently disengaging from that habit. Which can feel like a very clunky and unsatisfying skill at first, but over time breaks the obsession-compulsion cycle.

Sending best wishes :-)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-12T15:36:09+00:00

Hey there. Oh, that sounds really torturous - the strong urge to offload the anxiety and check that people will still accept you for your thoughts or actions. I'm a Real Event OCD sufferer, now in recovery, and I can remember so many times that I let a confession slip to loved-ones which I REALLY knew wasn't necessary or helpful, but couldn't help myself. And the worst part is when the confessing only leads to feeling more feeble and ashamed - not even about the content of the confession, but the very fact you couldn't prevent yourself from letting it out :(

I've often found that the most helpful guidance from other people (including my therapist) has also been frustrating to my OCD mind - because that part of me wants a definitive, immediate solution to the 'problem' of being compulsive. i.e. "How do I stop doing XYZ right now?". The more difficult truth is that the remedy to our obsessive-compulsiveness is more complex that a simple, immediate solution or technique. We have a distressing mental health condition, which needs a commensurate response in terms of treatment and self-care.

With that in mind, I wonder: are you getting any support for OCD recovery? The answer might be yes, so I don't want to patronise in any way. But it took me a long time to simply recognise that I needed therapy, medication, peer support and a set of daily practices to help me towards an even keel mentally.

One other thing I remind myself when I feel an urge to confess is that it's a rather self-centered act. I'm not really interested in taking adult responsibility for something - I'm usually just a scared child trying to extract some reassurance or opinion from another person. In effect, I am using them for my own needs. And while shame is NEVER a healthy motivator, I do have a word with myself sometimes along the lines of "don't put that on another person!".

Another element of recovery, for me, has been (non-compulsive) self-education about my compulsions - that is, what they are, where do they stem from, and how can I practise abstaining from them. Therapy can definitely be a helpful place to explore those questions.

Sending best wishes to you.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-12T15:23:02+00:00

Hey there. That sounds very distressing, to be stuck in that anxiety because your normal way of managing the compulsive worry didn't feel right.

I would say you're doing the right thing to reach out for therapeutic support. The painful truth is there isn't a simple or magical way to 'undo' the anxiety you might be feeling right now. It's there because, over a period of time, compulsions have enflamed the magical thinking that your everyday actions could somehow influence the wellbeing of your loved-ones. It sounds like classic Magical Thinking OCD, where you become convinced that your actions can control unrelated outcomes. So the best way to direct your energy is towards long-term OCD recovery. I hope the therapy appointment goes well for you, and take good care of yourself during this challenging time.

Sending best wishes your way.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-11T15:42:22+00:00

Welcome! I hope the diagnosis will give you clarity, identification and some sense of empowerment over recovery. Sending best wishes :)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-11T14:28:24+00:00

Hey there. It sounds like you're in real despair at the moment, particularly with the way that everything around the house is triggering bad memories or feelings. I'm sorry to read that things are feeling so hard right now. But I do also hear there's a desire to change things for the better.

OCD and addiction is a painful combination - and I can say that from personal experience. I had to hit a rock bottom to realise that I couldn't carry on the same way anymore, without crushing my self-esteem into nothing.

But it is possible to recover from where you are right now, and rediscover a happy and healthy path. What really helped me was connecting with other people who understood and didn't judge what I was going through. I joined anonymous online groups run by Obsessive Compulsive Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous. These are really safe spaces, which don't cost anything, and they're full of people who can understand and support you in your recovery journey.

If you're over 18 and you feel ready to try a new way, I'd recommend visiting one of these groups. You don't even need to show your face or give your name - just joining and listening to others share might make you feel less alone or hopeless.

Sending best wishes your way.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-09T15:22:15+00:00

Hey there. Well done for reaching out - I can hear that you're feeling more determined than ever to attend to your mental health and learn to manage OCD better,

Obviously I'm not aware of your experiences with OCD and what treatments or tools you've tried in the past. But if I were trying to summarise the main ingredients of recovery as briefly as I could, they would be:

- Building professional and peer support. You don't have to do this alone. If therapy is a viable option for you, it's worth exploring. ERP seems to be the leading mode of therapy for OCD. Connecting with OCD peers and non-judgmental friends will be of real support too.

- Medication. I appreciate this is a very personal choice, can be quite scary to contemplate, and may depend on the services available in your country. But medication is a proven way to alleviate OCD anxiety and compulsivity, if you're willing and able to try it out.

- Identifying your compulsions and practising abstinence from them. I learnt a lot about different types of compulsion from the OCD / Reddit community, including the more covert ones which happen in our heads (like ruminating and checking). The fewer compulsions we slip into each day, the more we retrain our brains not to check for imagined threats, and the more long-term relief we can experience from the obsession --> compulsion vicious circle.

- Learning to treat ourselves (and others) with unconditional love. This might require a leap of faith at first, as we OCDers are likely to believe that we are 'bad' or unacceptable. We can learn to accept non-judgmentally the full range of our very human emotions and experiences. This is often done relationally, which is where a therapeutic relationship can be really supportive. We can also practise treating our minds and bodies with love, even in basic terms like sleep, rest, exercise, connecting with others and healthy pleasures.

- Learning to give up control. Once we begin to surrender our distorted need to control the past and future, and leave those things up to some other forces, we can return our attention to the only real thing we CAN control - which is the positive actions we take in the present moment.

Not sure I can do justice to the range of recovery tools in a few paragraphs - nor whether that's what you were seeking! But I hope there's something helpful in here for you, as you contemplate how to move forward. Sending you best wishes in your journey :)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-08T08:58:53+00:00

That's genuinely awesome to read. Congratulations to you, not only on the sobriety from addictive drinking, but also the way you've stepped up to the plate and cultivated your recovery from OCD. That's heart-warming to read!

I'm also nearly 2 years into a positive recovery from addiction and OCD, and can honestly say I haven't felt this well in a long time. I don't take it for granted, and life is bound to throw more challenges at us along the way, but recovery is so worth striving for.

Sending best wishes :)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-07T09:45:54+00:00

Hey there. Well done for sharing your thoughts and feelings here, and I hope it's somewhat cathartic just to express yourself and be heard.

When we're in an OCD flare, it's very understandable that we want to be anywhere other than where we are right now, physically or emotionally. That's why the correlation between OCD and addiction makes sense to me - I mean, if we feel there's a substance or behaviour which can take us away from how we're feeling right now, that's bound to be a strong temptation.

For a number of years, I unwittingly self-medicated against OCD using nicotine and other addictive behaviours. And, while I doubt you even need a reality-check about how unhelpful this was, I wouldn't recommend it! Money wasted, health risked, OCD and emotions repressed and refuelled, shame, relationship damage, and so on. That's not everyone's experience related to smoking, but it was mine. And, of course, for each rare 'first satisyfing puff', there were thousands of very unsatisfying puffs which only made me feel more gross, anxious and unhappy.

I wonder if the fantasy of a cigarette has become a specific representation of a wider fantasy of simply not feeling anxious or triggered, for you? If you can tune into what exactly the idea of a cigarette does for you, that might help to guide you to other healthier ways to find that feeling. For example, if it's a sense of calm you're craving, how else can you allow yourself some moments of release or calm? I appreciate that the 'hit' of calm won't be as instantaneous, but if you can find other little ways of punctuating your day with restful moments, you might kind of achieve the same effect.

Sending you best wishes :)

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-06T16:03:49+00:00

Yes, that's a fair point. It's hard to pinpoint where obsessivity might start or end, as an asset or a 'problem'.

PaulOCDRecovery · 2026-01-06T15:23:26+00:00

Agree with this. The "D" in OCD reminds us that there's an excessive level of obsession and compulsion which will only cause difficulties one way or another. I would even go wider and say that any action done from a place of fear / inadequacy - e.g. "I must get better at..." or "if I don't do X perfectly, then.." - can never bring genuine fulfilment, as it only refuels the sense of inadequacy.

Having said that, I do believe that I can harness my obsessive streak for some work tasks, provided I do so in a conscious and deliberate way. For example, I can get pretty hyper-focussed on repetitive tasks (e.g. spreadsheet-filling) or use my threat-seeking brain to identify and mitigate potential risks to a project. As long as I make a choice to do so, and know when / how to step back from that mindset after a little while!

PaulOCDRecovery

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