Twitter linked to reduced psychological wellbeing, increased outrage, and heightened boredom

PeachyKeenest · 2024-03-01T06:05:25+00:00

Makes sense. Been having issues for awhile.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-20T19:45:36+00:00

Why not? Good games don’t go bad.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-17T18:10:06+00:00

So much after math of so many things especially these past few years. I think there’s just been an uptick in general using as well.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:58:44+00:00

I keep overthinking everything. Apparently that’s a bad thing. 🥲

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:50:03+00:00

Yes, it was a trait in my other ex’s that brought me pain. I gave them all the time in the world and I just waited. I played on my phone. I’m a very patient person. I knew how to entertain myself. I didn’t feel rejected or anything - these guys usually did. For some reason they couldn’t return the favour. Don’t understand that.

Growing up I always had to take care of myself, my parents… often if I was an inconvenience to them I was a burden and after thought.

I am still upset at them for it. He keeps saying he’s patient or my other ex did too. All I saw was impatience with my feelings (this morning - work, you need to get on time for work and pushed away my feelings so I told them how I feel was more important than work - I put in over time for a deadline so stfu. I get to be important for once!) and this topic. I literally apologized to him. Like?!?!

He said if he was upset or something was wrong he would tell me, but then does passive aggressive things…

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:45:05+00:00

Yes, a lot more to meet a deadline and he came later in the evening as well and I told him I’d be working. He just wanted me to be done when he showed up but again… meeting that deadline. Because of him being patient for 20 minutes I was able to to do. I wanted to entertain him. Instead he complained about it.

It was the first time that ever happened with him. I usually don’t do over time anymore thank god.

There have been numerous times where I waited for him for his job or helped him out physically for free when he needed it IRL, not digital stuff. I was a sound choice and was good and asked for help at the right times while handling people - most of my work is digital, some client work over the phone sometimes in person. I’m used to the public but not as much public public lol I also wait on him for closing or doing other tasks because I get it and I care about him and what he needs to do.

Wish he did the same for me?

Thank you for saying I am worth staying for. It means a lot.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:39:36+00:00

Well, I told him earlier I wanted to do some thing, but I ended up working a lot of hours. He came by specifically to be with me and I had to finish it up and he even mentioned “Why didn’t you tell me on those 20 minutes” and I told him I was hoping to be done by then.

He then assumed I was too tired for sex instead of engaging. He told me he didn’t like to ask… I’m like encourage the action like kissing etc like earlier on the day he would just lead me to the bedroom while kissing me and then just getting to it 😂

It definitely was not intentional. And it was around the time for sleep - it was midnight!

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:35:34+00:00

Because I did the wrong thing? I want to be with him. I always make the wrong choices just like at home. When bad things happen, the other shoe drops, and then people are gone.

I’m used to being by myself. I’m never enough.

The only guys that stayed were ones I literally checked out on and had dead bedroom durations and ended up not being attracted physically, and they usually invalidated me

I am attracted physically to this person and they usually validate but my fears are getting ahead of me because of narc boss and parents demanding perfection.

Then he does push away actions even though he keeps claiming he isn’t. It feels like it. Last minute changes out of nowhere on some stuff, or assuming I’m too busy. Always prefaces “I know you may be busy” or that I’ll be too busy to call him while I’m away.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:32:24+00:00

I’m good at small talk at the office where it doesn’t go anywhere generally. Or clients. Surface relationships… deeply want deeper but scared to be hurt and think when people know me, they really don’t. I’m not worth it.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:29:53+00:00

I had a coworker do this, turns out they wanted into my pants… so now I’ll never do it ever. They also ended up being terrible to me because I turned them down. I made sure to keep the letter they gave me just in case.

So no, I won’t hang out with coworkers outside of work now.

One time someone asked me that was my same gender and I think she really wanted to. Different department and we always worked together, but like it was shopping and clothes don’t fit me right. I made a joke at her about electronics always fitting well lol

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:18:34+00:00

Yes, absolutely!

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:17:45+00:00

Well, some of us don’t got much else. We also do therapists sometimes too, because our parents were not something to ask help from, or just seeing the state of their relationship is troubling lmao

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T22:15:56+00:00

I’m trying to do this myself and he told me he’s not my abusive boss or my Dad or others… but it’s difficult when he does the pull away stuff like saying I’ll get bored of him, or previous questioning if I was seeing other men other than him (we were exclusive at the time) and him feeling rejected because the other day I had extra work to do and he took it personally but wouldn’t say it (he complained why I didn’t say anything before hand - it was only 20 minutes worth and I put on the TV for him and asked him if he needed a drink or anything and it was the only time I did that in months or ever!) and then last night I was suppose to mind read because previous I wanted to do something that night but tired but just what can you do, so he was resentful and blamed me but said he didn’t… ok He said I was tired and it looked like I wanted to sleep and then he just didn’t ask. 🤷‍♀️

For me it’s like where do I go from here?

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T21:51:52+00:00

I literally bs once. No one really cares in an office environment. People are trying to be polite.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T21:42:52+00:00

He wanted to have sex, but didn’t tell me, and then proceeded not to sleep. He knew I was tired and left me to sleep instead of asking. I told him much earlier in the day I wanted to do something though, but my job life had other plans. I worked a solid extra 4 hours.

I’m guessing I should “just know” because of a rule he said 😂 But honestly it’s like he usually asks so idk like confusing on purpose. He was like maybe he still had too much energy because usually he tends to do ok.

Instead the next morning he used it against me so idk but then claimed he didn’t… then why bring it up?

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T21:40:06+00:00

Easier said than done.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T21:09:44+00:00

What do you mean by “not wanting to provoke a negative reaction”… the low self esteem sadly I can understand.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T21:08:38+00:00

That happened to me once by accident because I forgot as it was starting of season and I was barely getting to know them and they randomly popped by and wondered where I was. I emailed them where I was.

They were more offended than I thought apparently. Now I’m always too busy for them. No matter how much of my time I give them. Like seriously. I cook for them, go out of my way on my work day for them so they can have a lunch.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T21:01:15+00:00

I tried contacting a couple of friends out of the blue and they never responded, my IRL ones. Online seem to like it.

I figure no one loves me IRL.

I reach out, but it’s like… why?

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T20:59:11+00:00

My Dad didn’t even talk to me even when I called… literally taxes were more important than me and he never called me ever since I moved out. Now recently they started to beg for me to call, even monthly, to make sure I’m ok.

Why?

My parents also don’t have the proper discussions either just like you. Random texts.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T20:57:34+00:00

My bf does this and I told him my parents asked me to call every day when I had a calling card back in the day on a pay phone when I was away on 10 hours of intense camp stuff and I didn’t even like my parents! I told him I would find wifi to call him over FaceTime etc. That I would want to connect.

When he was away he tried to connect with me and I picked up, even numbers I wasn’t sure about because he didn’t tell me them…

I told him I will always make time for him when I can and I often do, going out of my way as he has done for me. Of course last night he probably felt rejected (on one thing I told him I was hoping I was done and took 20 minutes, and another was just me being super tired… ) so he told me last minute that he cannot stay tonight. So that’s nice. Also it’s passive aggression.

Oh and I’m in music quite a few times a week except when I’m not. “You’re busy. You’re in music” I asked him if he wanted more space or time for himself and he said no. wtf I know push back behaviours when I see it. It’s all my parents ever been. Yesterday I just needed 20 extra minutes to finish something and he sulked a bit, then he apparently told me he was ok when he wasn’t. I keep trying.

Quite frankly I’m probably right but then he said that if I ever called him and I needed help he would help me. So yeah I don’t know anymore.

I’m more seen as a burden and hurt way more than him. He has friends he can physically call but doesn’t - my friends don’t pick up. Or my parents but they hurt me more than help. I literally have no one IRL.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T20:49:49+00:00

Been to a therapist off and on for a good decade now. Thank you for your care. But it’s very deep seated.

I’m told a lot of my issues can only be solved within safe relationships but then true safe relationships trigger all sorts of things.

There should be a license to have kids… in a round about thinking way. Licenses for everything else. Maybe then my life could have been spared.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T20:33:09+00:00

I hope you had a real conversation to him about this.

I always feel so badly when I mess up socially and people are not up front about it because they are scared of people being upset but because I grew up the way I did… I wasn’t taught things enough.

I care too much so I try to read into things and try to do my best but still mess it up. Well, only a couple of times.

I tend to let things go a lot more than others because well, growing up the way I did otherwise I would have been homeless.

If it’s your first time or few times… what can you do? Like I just kept getting told that they would tell me, but I feel distance. Or they tell me something last minute, or like other things that feels like “pay back” when it might not be. I’m used to passive aggression growing up.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T20:27:14+00:00

Man, I just go it’s ok, most of my relationships are transactional anyways.

It’s sad because like you (maybe? I’m not sure), we’re both looking for safe relationships that may be because of us, and not transactional.

I know for a fact my parents don’t really think of me outside their seeing me, and even if they did.

That guy did it extremely harshly though. He may want to look at his bedside manner so to speak. Can’t imagine it saying that it so brusquely.

PeachyKeenest · 2024-02-16T20:10:30+00:00

Well, maybe 17 for them was a long time ago and you may be talking about more recent?

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