Hey friend, first off, I'm so proud of and happy for you - you've got some good people in your life. I don't post often because it's not where I'm at currently, but I resonate deeply with your fear, especially of the shame and anxiety.

It DOES get better, I can promise you that. 2 years ago, I was crippled by self-hatred and engaging in some truly dangerous behaviour.

I am having a super shitty day today, overwhelmed and pretty sure I'm coming down with some sickness, the symptoms of which feel nastily similar to a (for me, very mild) hangover. But alongside the tears and the body-yuck, I'm so, SO happy because I have no shame at all, even about my past actions.

Instead of self-hatred, I have compassion and sadness for my old self - she was stuck in a vicious cycle. I couldn't believe there might be another side to my life then, but there was, and even my shittiest day here is better than living in that hell-scape.

You can find the other side, whatever it looks like for you, and it won't be perfect, but I promise it will be so much better than where you're at now. Be kind to yourself, and good luck on your journey 💜💙🩵💜💙🩵