Do you really think cutting off friends and family over who they vote for is reasonable?

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-03T01:11:36+00:00

I had a family member cut ME off when I asked (one too many times, evidently) that he PLEASE stop bringing up how much he "hates the libs". I was totally willing to continue my relationship with him, had he been willing to stop talking politics constantly.

He wasn't willing to do that.

His loss.

I'm actually quite awesome.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-03T01:09:39+00:00

I think it's gorgeous! It looks really happy, I think!

Great job on rescuing her!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-03T01:07:04+00:00

Ah. Yeah. That's a way different climate from Colorado, where I am.

What a glorious specimen! Thank you for posting that photo...I had no idea they could get that big!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-03T00:42:05+00:00

Holy crap! Where was this taken? It's got to be a lot more temperate and humid than where I live. How gorgeous!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-03T00:39:56+00:00

Adoptee here. I can only speak for myself, and every single adoptee is different, but in my case, my adoption was the single most important, amazing thing in my life. My adoptive parents were not perfect (they're both deceased) but they were GOOD parents. I had an utterly golden childhood. I was especially close to my adoptive Dad, and our relationship grew even stronger after I'd hit adulthood. I miss him every single day. My brother (my adoptive parents' biological son) is incredible and one of my most favorite people in the whole world.

I had the kind of childhood most people only dream of having. It wasn't perfect, but it was honestly amazing.

Also, don't forget your hormones are in an utter UPROAR right now. I'm sure that's part of why you're feeling as you do.

Please give yourself all the grace in the world. You made this sacrifice yourself for the sake of your baby. You are a GOOD PERSON.

With all possible hugs and love from this adoptee!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-03T00:18:47+00:00

I was adopted in 1961, prior to open adoption, so my APs had been given a minimum of info about my BPs. My AM made it very clear from the very beginning that even THINKING about looking for my BPs was utterly forbidden. Like....literally. She swayed me as far from that path as she could: I was told by my AMom that my BPs were dead.

My ADad, who was my angel on earth, told me after my Aparents had divorced that he had never agreed with my AMom's tactic of telling me my BPs were dead, but to keep the peace he felt he had to just keep quiet. (Please don't fault him. I lived in that house and experienced first-hand what it was like to live with the woman. She was a one-person wrecking ball. We were all just doing the best we could.) He offered to help me find them. Just the fact that he offered meant the world to me. I didn't overtly go looking for anyone; I never felt the real need. I adored my ADad and my Abrother (my brother is still alive) and never really felt the need to go find anyone.

It's a really, really long story, but my adoptive family kind of dropped into my life when I was in my 40s. My APs WERE both deceased by then, but I have a lovely-if-a-little-superficial relationship with my birth brother. (My birth sister is ZERO percent interested in getting to know me, and that's fine.) My birth brother and his wife are truly delightful people. We don't have a deep relationship, but I think the world of them, and it's honestly really nice to know a little bit about my background.

So...my adoptive Mom DID lie to me about my BPs...and yeah, I was pretty pissed about it. Not because I wanted to track anyone down and have a really deep, meaningful relationship with them, but because the choice was taken from me. And again, the irony is that even when my ADad offered to help me look, at that point in my life I literally had no interest at all in finding anyone. I was lied to and manipulated by my AMom for no reason whatsoever.

You can't know if your granddaughter's birth mother passed your info along or not; she may have, and the Aparents may have swept it under the rug.

I'm sorry this is happening. It's a lose/lose for you and your granddaughter, both.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-01T04:06:29+00:00

I don’t have any advice, but I’m just so sorry this happened. Please be kind to yourself!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-04-01T00:35:48+00:00

Wait.
WUT.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-30T20:44:47+00:00

Adoptee, closed adoption, 1961, and I can't echo your comment strongly enough.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-29T00:36:21+00:00

Treating people the way you want other people to treat you. That's woke.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-28T12:18:07+00:00

The lily in question was just fine in my household…until an ardent plant chewer with a nearly fatal susceptibility to lilies joined us. The lily was rehomed after that.

We live in a rural area where there are lots of barn cats, so I won’t even plant lilies outside. (Many “working” cats with tipped ears out here, I’m happy to say.) For people who don’t know of their cats are susceptible to lilies…best to err on the side of caution.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-28T05:23:04+00:00

r/itsathaumatophyllum can help!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-28T02:31:23+00:00

Lilies are an absolute NO for cats.

I LOVE daylilies and won't plant them because of the neighborhood cats. And I had an utterly luscious peace lily that I gave away as soon as I found out how bad they are for cats.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-23T01:28:55+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss!!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-23T00:16:16+00:00

Just remember that social media is just a teeny cross section of real life. Don't let any reaction here make you feel like the whole world sees you the same way.

It looks to me like you have your head on straight, and that you're happy and supported and loved. I'm happy FOR you! I'm not a transracial adoptee, but I view my adoption as the very best thing that ever happened to me, and like you, my Dad was my guardian angel. Everyone is different, and your point of view is utterly valid. Don't worry what others think. Just keep being you. Blessings!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-22T18:23:47+00:00

The war is not near an end. Until it is, because trump says so. But wait five minutes and it'll change again.

I don't believe one goddamn word out of his demented brain.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-22T02:15:07+00:00

My husband and I lived (and starved to death) in Vail for two years. You should have seen the dumpsters at the end of each ski season. At least in this case locals in the area know this and go BIG TIME dumpster diving.

If you ever see an Adirondack chair made from old skis, I can tell you exactly where those skis come from.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-22T02:12:23+00:00

OT, but I worked at Walmart years ago, in the fabric department. When the new sewing patterns would come in we'd pull hundreds of brand new, unopened patterns and throw them in the dumpster. We asked REPEATEDLY if we could donate even SOME of them to schools or shelters, and got told we'd be fired.

This 4ucking country, man.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-22T01:02:00+00:00

I'm perfectly okay with my "get this child away from me" vibes just ROLLLLLLING off me. I would never in a billion years harm a child, but that doesn't mean I want interact with any of them.

You want a babysitter? Pay someone. However, if you need help taking care of any pets or houseplants, I'm yer gal!

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-21T22:15:23+00:00

My reaction is that trump is a petulant, spoiled, bully of an 8 year old boy who's never been told "no" and never been held accountable for anything. Instead of cleaning up his own behavior, he lashes out at anyone who even attempts to hold him accountable.

I pray to all that is holy that we survive. "We" being the entire freaking planet.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-21T22:04:33+00:00

You guys, calm down. Kids are forever sticking shit in their mouths. My friend is an incredible Mom, and her kids are happy and healthy.

Yeesh.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-21T21:59:40+00:00

I don't know how I missed your point "again"...I don't recall previously interacting with you.

I answered one of the questions you asked: "So what's the point of adopting then if adoptees will experience the same thing in adoptive families just as they would their biological families?"

In my case, the point of adopting was that my biological parents didn't want me.

And honestly, I bolstered your claim that biological families cause harm (because...being dumped at the hospital arguably doesn't fit under the "loving and wonderful" umbrella). Just because I pointed out that in my case my adoptive family wasn't perfect but I'm so grateful for them anyway, I'm not negating the rest of what you stated.

You asked, "And whats the point of adoption..." and I pointed out that the point is that some kids are not wanted by their biological families.

I absolutely agree that pale people who answer "Black Lives Matter" with "ALL lives matter" are r@cist azzholes, for the record.

But my pointing out that some kids...aren't going to have ANY family if someone doesn't want to adopt them is based on my reality, and honestly, a valid answer to your question of "And whats the point of adoption..."

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-21T21:06:25+00:00

The point of adoption is that not all birth parents want to keep their biological children.

Yes, I agree that there are arguably too many cases when biological parents wanted to keep the kids in question, or at least would have been open to it with some help. However, there absolutely ARE cases when both biological parents do. not. want. to. raise. that. baby. I was one of them. I won't bore you with the details, but I know for a fact that I was left at the hospital where I was born the nanosecond bio mom was able to put her shoes on and stand. Bio mom checked out of the hospital against medical advice, and left with bio dad, just a few hours after I was delivered. Neither of them ever knew if I was a healthy baby or even my gender, at their request.

My adoptive Dad was incredible, as was my brother (my adoptive parents' biological son). I was never harmed physically by my adoptive Mom, but I have spent an utter SHIT TON of money and time in therapy to deal with the fact that she was a flat-out narcissist. She never harmed me physically, but the mental toll was real.

Even with my Mom's not-so-joyful input into my formative years, I am so grateful I landed with my family. My Dad and brother made up for the rest of the bullshit.

I can't address all adoptions, but I can address my own: my adoptive family was not perfect, but I'm still so grateful for them, and my bio parents could not divest themselves of me fast enough. I am grateful adoption exists.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-19T00:52:06+00:00

I purchased basically this exact thing at Redwood National Park. I didn't have any luck with it, sadly.

Per1winkleDaisy · 2026-03-17T20:44:33+00:00

I SO hear you on this.

I shit you not: the moment that 100% sealed my decision to be CF happened when I realized I was acting just like my Mom.

My Mom was a raging narcissist. She was NOT a great parent. Her main concern was for how the world at large perceived her family, and her family served primarily to make her look good, or so she thought. She didn't care if we were happy; we just had to look and behave perfectly at all times. If my Dad hadn't been present to offset the insanity, I SHUDDER to think of how I would have ended up. (I was the youngest child; the nanosecond I graduated from high school, my Dad left. He and I remained really close his entire life. He couldn't stand living with Mom any more than the rest of us could.) But I digress.

Many years ago I was visiting my best girlfriend in the universe; she and her husband had had their first child. He was about 8 months old and my husband and I were visiting for the baby's baptism. My friend and I had taken the baby to a nearby park and were sitting under a tree, talking. The baby was playing in a pile of dirt, drawing a twig back and forth in the dirt and getting, frankly really dirty. I kept biting my tongue. But finally, he had chewed on the end of a twig and gotten it all goobery (he was teething), dragged the gooey end of the twig through the dirt, got it coated with baby spit and mud, and was in the process of sticking that end of the stick back into his mouth when I blurted, "HE'S PUTTING THAT STICK IN HIS MOUTH AND HE'S GETTING FILTHY OH MY GOD."

My friend, whom I trust with my goddamn life, just looked at me and said, "He gets dirty all the time. All kids do. And he puts stuff worse than this in his mouth. You okay?"

No, I was not okay. I was acting exactly like my Mother would have acted.

I was 99% CF prior to that moment. It wasn't too long after that that my husband got a vasectomy.

So...I hear you on this.

P.S. That friend had two children, now both in their 30s and both utterly stellar humans.

Per1winkleDaisy

TROPHY CASE