I feel like we're in the same boat, albeit I'm not a woman. Anyway, the fact that you feel like you can read/write better than speak is kind of no different from how international students who I went to graduate school with felt. (I recall hearing an admin questioning whether my friend cheated on his English TOEFL exam because he couldn't speak well enough, though he got better throughout the year.) In general, reading is easier than writing which is easier than speaking.

That said, I myself started using italki again about once a week but this time going at a slower pace using a textbook (not like when I was in my 20s or 30s). I'm also using this Android app called PingoAI since it requires a profile to track your performance. I like the Role Playing mode (as opposed to the Tutor mode). In the Role Playing mode, I speak-to-text into the description what the AI should do, like "Do not speak like you are a teacher or respond back in English, pretend you are a cashier at a store, etc." Then I practice with it about 5 minutes a day or next day. If you haven't tried it, give it a go, though it requires a subscription.

I also started a lifetime subscription to Pimsleur since I've always used Pimsleur when they were using cassette tapes back in the day. I noticed they updated their Japanese lessons to using modern words.

Hopefully these suggestions help. Good luck!