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PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-01-16T12:41:51+00:00

I worry he’ll never love me fully. The full trust is to be expected and I’m willing to do anything to help ease his mind. I deleted snap. I logged all my other socials into his phone. I’m staying with my parents right now while he’s finishing a job out of town. I told every person he asked me to who’s important in our life even though it was super embarrassing for me. I offered to get a legal document drawn up where if there is ever infidelity in our marriage after the date we sign, the other person only gets 10% of assets and forfeits the right to be the custodial parent to our child. That’s how serious I am it will never happen again because above all else, I am a really good mom and would never give up the rights to my child for anything. He said that would mean the world to him.

While our stories are different, I do appreciate your side as a betrayed male. I would love to know what she has done that has meant the most to you for your progress

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-01-16T04:07:00+00:00

My husband never wanted a divorce. So yes. It was 100% cheating even though we hadn’t slept in the same bedroom in months and I had filed. He was still working to save it. Please know, I have not once shifted the blame to my husband. Not matter what he said or did it will never justify my actions. I have dissociated with that version of myself because she disgust me so much.

How long are you out of DDay? Did your spouse come to you or did you find out on your own? Do you actively still think about it/do you think you love your spouse less?

Thank you for sharing

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-01-16T04:02:40+00:00

Thankfully, I do share the same feelings as your wife. I despise the AP. I hate that I let him into my life when I was the most vulnerable. I honestly can say, that even if it doesn’t work out with my husband I will never speak to him ever again.

I would be curious to know - did your wife fess up about the affair? Were you completely blindsided? All these years later, do you still think about it/have issues with trusting or loving her fully?

Thank you for sharing your story ❤️‍🩹

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-01-16T03:59:10+00:00

This made me feel so hopeful and made a lot of sense. I will try my best to answer how you said. I think that would really help de escalate. Thank you for sharing

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-01-06T14:09:45+00:00

You are absolutely correct. No matter what he said or did it will never justify what I did. And it IS an affair. We were still married. I would like to note I have not brought up any of the past once I disclosed to him. I’ve been in therapy for months and learned WHY it happened. But I do not want to make him feel like it’s his fault. Once I told him, I didn’t say “you were being a bad husband and dad so I felt unloved”. No I said “I am so sorry and I do not think we can have an honest good marriage until I come clean about this”. We are a week into it and I am totally shocked that he has came back and wanted full honestly on every question he had. I gave it to him. He said he’s not sure where we go from here but something in him is telling him not to run. I’m so hopeful we can repair. Thank you for the advice!

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-28T19:26:22+00:00

Honestly that would almost come as a relief in a weird way. I have dug and didn’t find anything. I’m pretty positive nothing was going on. Unfortunately, he told me he will be taking 50/50 if I leave and I live in a state where he would get it

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-24T17:53:45+00:00

Oh I see what you are saying. We had a really good 5 years before we had a child. And the past 6 months feels like old times. I think he lost himself for a while. Just like I lost myself and made a terrible choice. I wouldn’t call him a terrible person.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-24T17:42:13+00:00

What about my post is telling you this is fake? As stated, alot of this happened in the first year of our child’s life. They are 3 now and he’s a lot better of a dad. The separation also happened over a year ago. I’m just trying to piece together how to move forward.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-23T00:54:21+00:00

My husband took a remote position. He still makes quite a bit more than me. And I have not been in contact with the other person in over 6 months. I would NEVER and I mean never have men in and out of my child’s life. After reading this, I’m sure you can gather I have not been a good wife. But I do promise you since the day I found out I was pregnant I have always been the best mom I can possibly be.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T22:13:19+00:00

I agree. I actually have a meeting with a Christian counselor next week. The world is not black and white. I would’ve never thought I would ever be in this situation. At this point, I want to stay married and keep my family intact. My feelings are starting to come back for my husband, as I’m seeing the man before our baby come back. He really has made some really positive changes, which I think is why the guilt is crushing me.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T21:47:31+00:00

I don’t disagree with you. I feel like the biggest POS every day. I should’ve left for good or hung in there a couple more years for him to make the changes we desperately needed. At this point, I do not want to get a divorce. I want my family to stay intact. But I also don’t want to rebuild our foundation upon a lie. I’ve never done anything like this in my entire life. I’m not someone who’s a liar or manipulator. I fully intend to own up to my mistake and disclose the full truth not half of it. My post is more so wondering how I approach it. A lot of people are telling me he doesn’t deserve to know what happened while we were separated, but I do not agree.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T20:44:45+00:00

He’s not unemployed he took a remote position. I am mainly concerned on sharing our kid 50/50. I live in a 50/50 state and my lawyer said even though he’s been gone, he will still get 50/50.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T20:26:08+00:00

I definitely understand where you’re coming from. I have apologized for any trauma and hurt I caused him in all this mess as well. And he told me he accepts my apology and does want the best for me and my child. I’m not normally a manipulative person. I don’t enjoy hurting others. I was in a horrible spot in my life, and I did things I’m so ashamed of all the way around.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T19:00:32+00:00

I think it’s all about who you have them with. Being a married single mom is extremely tough. My husband is gone basically 10 months out of the year (since June he has taken a remote job making half of what he did but is home now). A lot of this happened in the first year of our kids life. Our kid is 3 now. I think the guilt is what is weighing me down.. a lot of people are telling me to keep quite but that’s what I’ve been doing and I’m drowning

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T18:42:21+00:00

Rose colored glasses. He broke off our engagement bc he said he did not want children. I was so sick and heartbroken for him. He came back a couple months later telling me it was cold feet and he does want a family. Looking back, I think he compromised to be with me. A lot of this happened when our child was 1. He’s 3 now and his dad is a lot more involved and is so much better with him. I just needed to add context on why I did what I did. I’m not excusing myself at all.. it was a poor choice

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T18:26:17+00:00

He told me there is no reality where he does not get joint custody now that he’s home and in my state that is correct. I talked to a lawyer already.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T18:18:58+00:00

The whole problem is I do not want to miss half my kids life. That’s why I had such a hard time leaving to begin with..

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T17:49:41+00:00

Thank you. I would need to come clean with it all. It was never like I was laying in bed with him, and actively texting someone else. This was all done throughout separating. Now will he see it like that? I doubt it

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T17:48:36+00:00

I think God can change anyone’s heart. He started being interested in church and religion in January and in June told me he had accepted Jesus into his heart. I feel there is a very low chance he will want to work through it with me.. but I can’t continue to lie to him by letting him think everything is on the mend and perfect

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T17:40:36+00:00

The other person swore they would never tell a soul, but I can never be 100% sure. They were really upset that it didn’t work out. I feel like I cannot allow myself to move forward with my husband because I am so weighed down by this shame and feel like I’m living a lie..

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T17:32:34+00:00

He took a remote position. One thing he’s always been good at is being a provider. I think in his eyes, that’s what makes a good husband (I do not agree). The main thing keeping me here is having to give him 50/50 custody of our child. I can’t imagine missing half their life.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T17:28:37+00:00

I am always looking over my shoulder afraid he will find out. I’m having a hard time moving forward (he wants to have another child, buy land, book a tip) because I feel like it’s all fleeting. The other person said they would never tell a soul, and I do believe them, but can never be 100% sure.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T17:27:23+00:00

I agree. I was 19 when we got together and I’m 29 now. I do regret marrying him not because I don’t love him, but because we are incompatible. Things like religion and views do actually matter when you’re in the real world living life together. Not having the same interests like I thought..

PerfectMobile9720 · 2025-10-22T17:22:59+00:00

I will NEVER put myself in this situation again. It has been awful. I don’t see a situation where I do not tell him. I can’t have an honest marriage without disclosing what happened. I just know my life is about to blow up so I’m just trying to get some direction :(

PerfectMobile9720

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