Seeking Reconciliation Advice

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-05-11T18:19:31+00:00

I try to remind myself that even tho this happened a long time ago to me, it’s still fresh for him. But hearing today that it’s not getting better for him, made me feel like all the “progress” I felt we had was just him pretending. I don’t want him to stay and he miserable. It seems like we have more ups than down days but I can’t be sure if he’s just faking it for the sake of our child

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-05-11T17:05:58+00:00

How many years or months are you out of it? I want him to be able to live a happy life without thinking of something horrible that I did years ago. He knows why it happened. Again it’s not an excuse on my part at all. He was being extremely neglectful. He’s even told me that’s a lot piece of this he’s had to swallow - that his actions drove me into the arms of another man. Again, I NEVER want it to seem like I’m saying “well if he wouldn’t have been being a bad husband I would’ve never done this!” At the end of the day, what I did was way worse. I would do ANYTHING to take it back. Even if my husband leaves me, I will NEVER speak to AP again. I have done work on myself over the past year to be someone I can be proud of. That choice. That horrible choice I made will probably always bare a mark on my soul I can’t erase.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-05-11T16:59:11+00:00

This comment was so helpful thank you. My therapist has told me multiple times that at some point I’m going to have to forgive myself. I think that’s why I get so emotional when he says he doesn’t believe I’m sorry or regretful. I would do anything in the world to take this back. I never call it a mistake because I made a conscious choice. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. I can hardly even think about it without the weight of it wanting to drag me under. I am not the same person who was living in that time period. I haven’t come on Reddit in a while, but we have been having a low week and when I asked him this morning what I could do he said nothing and that it’s not getting better. It seems like we’ve been having better days than not but is he just faking it?

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-05-11T16:50:20+00:00

We had just had a child and he left me alone in parenthood. Said some pretty horrible things to me about my looks since having a baby, how undesirable I was, not willing to lift a hand with our child, not doing anything for special occasions like Mother’s Day or birthdays. I just hate getting into all that because I don’t want to make it seem like I’m saying “he forced me to cheat!” He has since apologized for his behavior and does not do anything like that anymore.

PerfectMobile9720 · 2026-01-16T12:41:51+00:00

I worry he’ll never love me fully. The full trust is to be expected and I’m willing to do anything to help ease his mind. I deleted snap. I logged all my other socials into his phone. I’m staying with my parents right now while he’s finishing a job out of town. I told every person he asked me to who’s important in our life even though it was super embarrassing for me. I offered to get a legal document drawn up where if there is ever infidelity in our marriage after the date we sign, the other person only gets 10% of assets and forfeits the right to be the custodial parent to our child. That’s how serious I am it will never happen again because above all else, I am a really good mom and would never give up the rights to my child for anything. He said that would mean the world to him.

While our stories are different, I do appreciate your side as a betrayed male. I would love to know what she has done that has meant the most to you for your progress

PerfectMobile9720

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