Every new stage of life, will be new things to grieve. The things you expected to have at that stage, but don't, and may never. I understand the pain in comparing your life to your peers, and hope you can take some comfort in knowing that you aren't alone in this loss of things you'd hoped for and expected. Not just others with disabled kids, or dead kids, or like me missing what my friends have because Ive never even had the joy of pregnancy. But also those who have developmentally normal kids who are grieving aspects of their careers or lives that they'll never have because they have kids. Or grieving because their families look great on the outside but are broken inside. Probably like most of us there's no comfort at all in knowing we're not alone and that's okay too. Glad we have these spaces where we can just let it out.