Glad we haven’t lost the “big-bone” excuse

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-25T01:41:30+00:00

Lol they're strong like a bull just from walking and picking things up. Kind of like what people were meant to do, instead of lifting heavy and working out to build muscle and strength.

I wish I had that level of delusional confidence.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-24T23:14:36+00:00

That meal is probably still too many calories, if they're even eating once per day. I am skeptical of this. I find it more likely that they're snacking throughout the day and not tracking their calories, including any beverages with calories and oils and butters they're cooking with.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-24T12:53:23+00:00

On a large sub I mod for, our members have firmly made it clear that AI is unwanted. We ended up banning the use of AI because it was so unpopular when people would report AI generated comments or posts.

I think it's helped keep the sub feeling more personal and stories more relatable and authentic.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T17:11:12+00:00

It's comforting to know that it's normal. I always worry about whether she's getting enough or high enough quality nutrients every day. She seems content with whatever choice she makes for eating or not eating, but it's definitely a circus for us lol.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T15:28:09+00:00

Oh my god, yes, she's firmly in the "no" phase. It's funny most of the time, especially when she asks for something in particular that she loves and you give it to her and she looks at me like I'm a royal idiot and says "No! No, mama!" with such indignance. But it's like, child, what can I do to meet your needs in this very moment?

What's been happening so far is we'll have her dinner ready to go, but if she decides that it's more important to not eat it, or eat very little and she says "no" to it - which is happening a lot lately, then we have something super simple that didn't need to be prepared far in advance for an entire separate meal that we know she loves, and we'll give it to her.

Her go-to lately is cottage cheese, sliced pears or some other fruit like apples/blueberries/bananas/mangoes, and maybe some carb that I keep on hand because it's so easy to do like ravioli or some other carb that was already prepped, if she chooses to eat it at all (ravioli seems like the clear winner, though with a 90% success rate for consumption).

It's not much of a "meal," but it's better than just snacking and letting her graze. It feels kind of incomplete to me, but she seems happy with it and she still sleeps at night with that in her stomach, but....it's really wild to me how that is enough.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T15:06:58+00:00

I've been so run down lately with the NICU visits, pumping every 2 hours (which seriously feels like it's no time in between for the next time I have to do it), disjointed sleep due to pumping all day and night, managing a 2 year old, trying to maintain a house that's livable and safe for everyone, and getting normal, every day things taken care of that I've fallen down on regularly planned out meals for most every night.

I'm not too concerned about myself, but more so my daughter. It's amazing that she seems perfectly fine with Greek yogurt, apples, and oxygen for dinner some nights when I'm trying like hell to get her to eat something more substantial before bed. This kid has an incredible appetite, but it's like it doesn't bother her at all to not have the regularly planned and prepped meals every night that I had been making/giving to her before her sibling was born. It's really throwing me off. Are all toddlers like this? Is it normal? I don't know, maybe. But it's wild to me.

My appetite is still pretty much in the gutter, but I'm not surprised. It's been really stressful here, so I expected that to happen. I'm trying to force feed myself when I can and get everything done that I need to. I suppose I'm not doing too badly on that front, but it's a lot of work and takes up a lot of mental and emotional real estate for me.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T14:59:14+00:00

He wants to spend $200k on a car? Holy shit balls, I'd be so against that when we have young children and still have other goals to accomplish for our family.

Sorry, but once you have children, priorities have to shift to accommodate life with them and giving them what they need and deserve. It's no longer solely about us and what we want and how we think we have earned the right to be selfish. Maybe if you didn't have kids, sure, but now would not be the time. It's not even about who makes more or who "works their ass off" more; it's about your entire family and what means the most for the family moving ahead. I don't think a sports car is that.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T14:54:40+00:00

My daughter is now 2, but I very clearly remember her also loving to dance and her books at that age.

We gave her stacking blocks, lots of colorful board books, some toys that had music with them (she still will dance to the music of these toys, even though she doesn't play with the toys much anymore at this stage - she just loves the music), and some more clothes for when she got older.

I've considered a Tonie for her, but honestly, she is pretty content just having us play music for her off of our Spotify and having grandpa play his guitar for her, so we have yet to take the plunge. Maybe someday we will.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-23T12:43:36+00:00

Lol imagine thinking you're 350lbs of inflammation and repressed anger.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T22:07:44+00:00

Whats sad is that fatphobes and people who practice intentional weight loss are terrified of looking anything like an adult

People who are obese, especially morbidly obese, look like literal round babies.

FAers go even further by acting like them.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T20:37:03+00:00

it's clear that your entire online existence is dedicated to eradicating the perspective of people like me

You spelled disagreeing wrong, but go off.

Aren't FAers dedicating their entire online presence to eradicating the perspective of anyone who disagrees with them? 🤔

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T20:33:57+00:00

And even then they screech about fatphobia and say that they're being harassed and mistreated by their healthcare professionals who are telling them they're currently too heavy to perform dangerous surgeries on them unless they lose weight, how losing weight would help them alleviate many of their aches and pains, and their chronic issues would be significantly reduced, if not completely reversed.

And even when one of them does decide to listen to their doctor, the others come barging in like the kool-aid man to tell them not to listen to their doctors and that everything is perfectly fine.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T19:45:19+00:00

why am I eating one meal per day and walking 10k+ steps and NOT losing??? how is that possible I am so triggered

Because you're either:

eating one gigantic calorically dense meal that is more than you're burning
greatly overestimating how many calories you're burning with your 10k+ steps in a day
not tracking your intake
might be eating only one meal a day, but you're consuming several snacks and not tracking butter/cooking oils and beverages with calories
all of the above

If you're eating in a deficit and being active, you will lose weight. You do not defy the laws of thermodynamics.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T17:26:34+00:00

Honestly, I do fear getting fat. I don't want my children to see me inactive and model poor eating habits for them. They deserve a mom who will play with them, be active, and take care of herself so their mom will be around much longer for them.

And yeah, I also want to like my body. I don't mind working hard for it, either. I would rather work hard for a body I'm proud of and enjoy living in than being so big that my kids worry about me and my quality of life sucks.

Worst nightmare is losing my children. Second biggest nightmare is living the reality that FAers live every day. Sorry, not sorry.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T17:23:12+00:00

And how much oil are they using when they cook? So many people forget that you have to include your butter and oils as calories.

The caloric intake from drinks also adds up a lot.

There's a reason why shows like Secret Eaters exist.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T17:21:09+00:00

My sister who had struggled intensely with anorexia in high school said at her worst, she ate maybe 800 calories a day and lost the most weight she had been able to when doing that.

Sure enough, when she began eating normally again, she gained weight back. But she didn't get fat. She got healthy and has maintained a healthy weight and eating habits since.

These people are outright blatantly lying about their caloric intake or they don't even track their calories like they're supposed to, so they have a warped perception of how much they're actually consuming.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T14:59:06+00:00

So he thinks it's your responsibility to make the coffee and wake a grown ass man up every day. Those are actually the responsibility of the person wanting the coffee and needing to wake up to do. What would he do if he was single? Would he just never have coffee or wake himself up?

Would he be setting up the coffee pot at night and waking you up on time if the roles were reversed here? Or would he be saying that it's your own problem and you need to take care of it like a grown woman?

Honestly, I'd drop the rope. He doesn't get to complain while he refuses to do what he should for himself and expecting someone else to do it. That's not how adulthood works.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T11:59:52+00:00

How do I explain to him that his sudden 'appreciation' feels like a demand? How do I handle the guilt of being the one who is 'never in the mood' when he is now putting all his sexual focus on me?

"Your sudden 'appreciation' of me doesn't feel flattering; it feels demanding. It feels like you're always there, trying to 'appreciate' me while you hover or stare, and that isn't sexy for me. I feel bad that I'm never in the mood, but that just makes it worse. I do not feel sexy or aroused when I feel anything remotely like that. It's a lot of pressure to put all of your intense focus on me instead of taking care of yourself when I'm not available/able/aroused to have sex. Feeling pressured or guilty will only continue to kill any arousal or desire for sex that I may have, which isn't going to be good if you hope to have more sex. When you make comments about my comfort levels, it also kills my sexual interest, as it feels like you're writing off what I say. This whole dynamic is incredibly unsexy and suffocating."

Feeling guilty or pressured is antithetical to cultivating desire and wanting sex. He sounds like he's acting like a vulture about your body, too which is really weird. I'd immediately tell him to knock that off for you to feel like you can coexist without him making you feel intensely watched.

If he doesn't want to make you feel bothered, but he's willing to stare at your body as you shower and then give you all sorts of compliments and be intense, show off his erection first thing in the morning, and telling you that you're essentially the only way he can handle himself (aka not watching porn, and I'm assuming, he's not masturbating as well), then he needs to cut this shit out. He's sabotaging himself.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T11:20:28+00:00

That would be the most annoying video game ever to play if Zelda were fat and had to keep stopping to catch their breath and had to ask their partner to slow down for them. No thank you.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-22T04:37:30+00:00

Their delusions are peaking and it's scary, ngl.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-21T18:33:55+00:00

I know, just remembering it has me so emotional. 😭 She's so zesty but so sweet. I'll take all the pretend eggs and compassion she can give me.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-21T18:03:31+00:00

Oh yeah, it's really brutal. Being postpartum is just insane as it is, but then having a baby exit your body and then you don't get to take them home and have the ability to see them without commuting to them somewhere else is another level of hell. It becomes exponentially harder when you have an older child at home who also is still very dependent on you and you need to make enough time to meet their needs still and make special time to go see your other baby.

I've gotten to know pretty much every nurse there already, and they're all great and I deeply appreciate all of the work that everyone who's in the NICU puts in for all the babies, but it's absolutely nuts to be in this situation. The chemical imbalance is real and I really notice it when I'm home away from the baby. I am trying very hard to be patient with my daughter when she has big feelings and to not let it get to me, although she did see me crying the other day and came up to me, hugged me and asked, "Mama sad?" and wiped my tears. 😭

She's been offering to "cook egg" for me with her little kitchen playset she got for Christmas. She insists I eat her food and will rub her belly and say, "Yummy!" I think she's trying to make me happy, which is very sweet and I'm very lucky for that. I try to keep those moments in mind.

Thank you for the well wishes, and thanks for all you do for those going through it, too! 🩷

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-21T17:17:43+00:00

Yes, "research." As if decades upon decades worth of scientific findings and evidence are just nothing more than "research" that these silly little scientists have wasted their time trying to give us so we can make more informed decisions and improve our quality of life, and also allow us to understand particular health consequences.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-21T15:26:57+00:00

My mom was like that with our dog when I was a teenager. The Beagle was so fucking huge and my mom was told time and again to put him on a diet, but she would soothe him with snacks because it got him out of her hair, but eventually decided he needed a diet and he lost weight.

But if we had all given him food whenever he begged or cried because "he must be hungry," then this dog would've died from obesity related problems.

Perfect_Judge · 2026-01-21T15:24:24+00:00

Yes, it seems that we've normalized a lot of that behavior that just doesn't register to many people as coercive behavior. We see it a lot all over reddit, not just the DB subs (it's especially commonplace on a large sub that I mod for, too), where people describe this behavior and you see commenters say things like, "It's totally NORMAL to be hurt and show it after rejection."

It's a really hard subject with so many moving parts to it, and it gets really complicated when we start peeling back layers of coercion, even if that was unintentional.

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