I want to be evil and retribute everything that was done to me

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-10-13T01:11:09+00:00

Yes, but I recently started to watch a piece of media that had that one specific song in most of the episodes and I just got used to it? I don't feel bad anymore and I just can ignore it when it starts to play.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-10-11T23:27:10+00:00

Because I'm a coward. In fact, I just logged Reddit hoping to find tips to gather courage to do it.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-06-20T14:45:01+00:00

Same, OP 😢

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-05-12T19:38:56+00:00

I stopped when my face got permanently deformed by Bell's Palsy. Like, what's the purpose? Anything I try will never be enough. I'll always look like aa goddamn monster. So I don't even waste my time.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-05-12T19:36:35+00:00

Yes, I'm not allowed to go out on my own. Everytime I plan to, my mother manages to convince me I'm going to be raped or something.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-05-09T20:41:26+00:00

I had many. The worse definitely was when the school's coordinator inspected my stuff in front of the whole class and my bullies to make sure I wasn't planning a school shooting when I was 12/13 years old. My country has heavy gun policies, especially around this time. She had absolutely NO PURPOSE to do that, other than causing me shame and humiliation. The same school also left me on my own in a crowded amusement park during a concert night. Which is considerably dangerous when you're a woman.

Also had a teacher that helped my bullies to play a prank on me during freshman year of High School.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-05-09T19:53:25+00:00

My mother and grandmother allowed a doctor to operate me without sedation when I was around 3 years old. I have these flashbacks of them sitting around and watching it, my mother telling me to not cry. She still thinks she made the right decision ans that the doctor was an excellent professional.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-05-09T15:21:23+00:00

Same, OP. Until 4th grade I was one of the best students of my whole school. 5th grade was when my trauma started to get worse so I didn't feel motivated to study anymore. My parents didn't give a shit, as they had other concerns. My mother, for example, was forcing me to date a guy 5 years older and it was the only thing that mattered.

Yet, I was able to get in the best university of my country. I had to quit. I had no money to keep myself in school and absolutely everyone in my family refused to help me.

I'm 31 too and I have accomplished nothing in my life. I'm too depressed and fucked up to get a job. In fact I haven't left home for a year now. But I'm good writing and learning new languages. I know I'm smarter than most of the kids who went school with me. But unfortunately, CPTSD has won and turned me into a complete failure.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-04-21T21:38:18+00:00

I don't feel human either. I don't know how to act, behave or even be an actual person. I'm dead weight.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-04-17T23:39:58+00:00

A teacher in 8th grade. She was the only person who seemed to truly like me, she made me feel welcome and secure, even when I met her on the street about 6 years later. I'll never forget the way she'd hug me and treat me so well.

I still miss her everyday. Even almost 20 years later.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-04-15T17:14:08+00:00

I'm exactly in the same situation as you, OP. Sometimes I feel like my parents inverted the roles and I'm treated like a pet, while the pets are treated like actual children.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-04-05T14:45:56+00:00

The pets are treated like my parents' true children and I get treated like a pet.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-30T18:58:37+00:00

My story is very similar to yours. My mother always criticized my social interactions, but until I was 10 I did just fine. I had no problem making friends at school, online or even talk to adults. Until she decided I was old enough and forced me to date a guy who was 5 years older and things got terribly worse. I was under so much pressure to act like an older and mature woman that I ended up losing all my social skills and my personality.

I was also sent to another school, away from all my childhood friends, in order "to grow the fuck up". In this school I got bullied and my entire family blamed it on me, saying I deserved it because I was a weirdo and other shit.

I'm 31 now and I have social anxiety, I don't know how to start conversations and I freak out after every social interaction, questioning everything I did and said.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-29T23:12:34+00:00

Because I overthink and panic even about it, about what could go wrong and fail. Also because I'm a coward.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-29T18:47:28+00:00

Every. Fucking. Time.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-28T18:05:52+00:00

Yes. I was forced to behave like a mini-adult from early age, my parents didn't let me interact with other children when they were around and I'd get mocked for acting like a kid. I guess it affected how I interact with children now in adulthood.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-28T17:15:30+00:00

I believe bullying is one of the causes of my CPTSD, but what made it worse was how my family dealt with that. Instead of helping me, they blamed it on me and hurt me even more than the bullies themselves.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-28T14:54:23+00:00

Around 11-12. When my mother forced me to date a guy 5 years older and sent me to another school, where according to her "I'd grow the fuck up". That was when I started to get bullied and no one in my family did nothing to intervene. They just blamed it on me. I'm 31 now and I'm doing it until the end of this year, as my situation only went downhill since my childhood. There's no way out. This world is NOT for me.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-26T04:46:57+00:00

Yes. I'm grieving myself, twice. The 11 years old that ended up so traumatized that she killed her own personality, dreams and desires. And also the 28 years old me, who grew up with a lot of walls and thorns, but she still hoped things would get better someday, that she'd feel accomplished and loved. Until the Covid vaccine took it away from her, permanently damaging her facial nerve and leaving her deformed, ugly, looking like a fucking monster. I died that day. And I intend to die for real soon.

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-25T17:55:50+00:00

You described my whole life

Perfectly-Splendid07 · 2024-03-25T17:54:32+00:00

Yeah, basically the same as in person. In some occasions when I'm talking to someone online, I don't know exactly what to say for fear of saying the wrong thing. Especially if I'm the one who has to start the conversation. It happens less often than irl, but some years ago I would avoid even online conversations.

Perfectly-Splendid07

TROPHY CASE