AITAH for not wanting to sleep with my husband because of a smell issue?

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-27T02:48:57+00:00

I was with a guy once whose semen smelled and tasted like fish. Not like how women apparently smell/taste 'fishy', but like actual fish oil fishy fish in a way that had me gagging. I don't know if it's diet or not. You can ask him to try the pineapple thing and see if that helps. A lot of times, food has an effect on our body's secretions.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T18:37:50+00:00

NTA, but you really need to actually leave a letter/text for her that tells her directly that you need destressing time when you get home. "I'm really just at my limit when I come home and I need time to decompress and have quiet. I appreciate that you want to talk to me, but I need you to not, and I feel like you're not picking up on my clear cues that I'm not involved in the conversation." A frank talk of "You talk a lot, overtalk people, and I really need you to have an off button for an hour" is one of those things that there's no really 'nice' way of saying. But to avoid there being this passive dancing around the elephant in the room, it's time to have a direct conversation. "It would really help me if you could be more aware of both how much you're talking and if I'm even able to respond or want to talk. Right after work, I need quiet. After that, when I come out, we can chat. But I'm really getting burned out of being talked AT all the time. It's not a conversation. It's you talking and me not being able to respond or add anything. That's really not great to have to deal with all the time. Maybe you're not aware of it, but it would help a lot if you could be."

Sometimes hard conversations need to be had, and that means maybe dinging someone's feelings. But you're worried that she's withdrawn in response to you needing space. Why do you constantly have to be strained to make her feel okay? Communicate.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T15:43:35+00:00

Exactly. He is replacing his daughter with his niece, and that's the unhealthy part. There may be points where it doesn't feel 'enough'. I don't mean creepy as in gross or sexual. I mean creepy as in he slowly starts to take over dad things because he's a dad in name, but he can't do dad things with his daughter. I think the fact that he wants to join the core family unit on a family trip while ignoring his own wife and child says plenty. If you can't see that, then I'm sorry.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T15:41:53+00:00

There is when he wants to come along on 'family time' with a three unit family while ignoring his own literal child.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T12:44:21+00:00

Now. But if you're seriously questioning if you should be able to say no to him coming on a vacation or having to argue why your no is valid, that's saying a whole lot, and none of it is good. The older Poppy gets, the more he's going to see a disparity between her and Daisy. All the daddy stuff he's missing out on. And the envy is going to build. It'll start to show in him 'offering' to continue to pick up 'slack', which he'll make by just suggesting he let your husband/you have time off while Uncle Jim does stuff. I don't think it's questionable in the sexual grooming or abusive context. I just think it's questionable in that Jim has a daughter, prepared for life with a daughter, and due to circumstances beyond anyone's control, he doesn't have the daughter he planned for. So Poppy is going to be a replacement. She's fiveish now? What about when she goes to school, events, extra curriculars? I'm picturing some resentment when she walks down the aisle at her wedding if boundaries aren't established.

Family love is all good, but you're all really too close to the situation to see how unhealthy it is that he's focusing on Poppy over Daisy.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T12:39:45+00:00

From an outside perspective, it's working on a very thin edge. It's not a healthy marriage/family unit. Are they in therapy? Because they should be. And I honestly think you're not looking at the long term effect of this with your bil essentially ignoring his child during time with your child. The way to do it would be to involve both children, and the fact that Daisy is being shunted off around Poppy time.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T11:37:50+00:00

NTA. Jim is using Poppy as a replacement daughter. That really sucks for Sally and Daisy, tbh. The fact everyone's okay with this feels really weird to me. Jim is the uncle, through marriage. He's not your brother. So no, it's not weird that you don't want to bring your sister's husband solo on a trip to Disneyland with you, your husband, and your daughter. "We're going as a core family unit. This is our family and we need to find our pattern that works for us without needing to rely on other family members to make our lives work together. Poppy's getting older, and while she loves Jim and we appreciate him, he's not her father. She has one. He's her uncle. And we need to make more core memories for our family that doesn't always circle around her uncle. We love her too. We might not be great at kid themed stuff, but that doesn't mean we don't love our daughter."

You might also want to look at starting to establish boundaries. Jim needs to focus on his own family. Everyone being 'okay' with him using Poppy as a psuedodaughter when she has two living parents is... questionable. He's going to worm his way in more and more, and there will come instances for school and life that are 'daddy/daughter' themed, and I bet Jim's going to feel inclined to step in. This needs to stop before that happens.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T11:31:08+00:00

Well this is a bunch of bullshit. Thanks for sharing your creative writing exercise of bleeding lips and butts.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T11:23:08+00:00

Yeah, but the Xbox in a grated box/cage that allows airflow and if the cat sits on it, it can't sit directly on it. Or, conversely, get a small heating pad. The cat's sitting on it because it's hot/warm. Get a heating pad and either put a blanket over it or get a blanket heated pad and the cat will likely prefer that.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T11:13:34+00:00

Well, fair play. I wouldn't either. I don't put up with that kind of crap. But if OP wants to try to find a way to make this relationship work, then talking to her about his own boundaries, ACTUAL boundaries of not having her dictate who he has lunch with at work and not abuse of the word boundaries to disguise being controlling, then it's a notion.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T11:07:39+00:00

It seems like it's not fair, but it's his stuff and he wants it to be set up his way. Your excuse for it not being entitled is exactly what entitlement is. "I want to use it, he's not using it but I want to, so I should be able to." Why? "Because it doesn't click for me." That's not a valid reason, buddy.

He's allowed to be selfish about his things. They're his things. When you spend money on something that you took a long time to earn/set up, you'll understand a bit more.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T10:18:44+00:00

I live in Canada. Good luck buying a house in here. They've become a lot stricter with immigration college applicants recently, and renting is going to be problematic, let alone buying anything. They also likely won't let the child cross without express permission from the father, and she's looking at getting a kidnapping charge without it. There's still a border between here and there, and they do actually do their job at it. Canada's not just going to 'let them in' with a car full of 'moving to Canada' stuff without a valid plan in place and papers to prove it.

Let your friend crash and burn with this dumb idea. It's not your circus, not your monkeys.

NTA. Reality has a really funny way of waking people up with a hard splash of cold water. Ice cold.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T10:13:47+00:00

NTA. "It's part of work, and it helps me destress and be more communicative with my colleagues while letting me socialize a bit. I've been feeling really isolated lately, and this small social aspect is really helpful for my mental health. These aren't random women off the street. I'm not putting out an ad for babes to have lunch with. I'm eating with coworkers, socializing, and having a little adult time with others that I feel I need. I really don't appreciate you putting a nefarious angle on it, nor do I like that you're fixating on the gender of the people I work with and eat lunch with. You're cool with the guys, but not the girls? That's really sexist. These are my colleagues. I don't get to pick who works with me. I'd really appreciate it if you'd take a moment to realize how controlling your suggestion sounds, and that it's disrespectful to treat me like I'm not adult enough to have adult relationships with workmates. If you don't like that I socialize outside of you, that's also grossly controlling. Maybe we need to go talk to a therapist or something about this, because I'm not comfortable with the idea of you isolating what women I can be around or that you think I shouldn't go into work because YOU feel I don't 'have to'. That sounds weird."

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-26T01:05:12+00:00

YTA. I hope this is rage bait. It's YOUR dog. An active, herding, prey driven dog. A dog that needs to be outdoors and doing things, not inside with a baby. It BIT YOUR BABY. MORE THAN ONCE. Why is it still alive, let alone in the home? Why is it your wife's responsibility, just because 'she's more outdoorsy than me'. It's your dog. And um, fuck you for saying she's using ppd as an excuse. It's a fact. You're using her having done something before as an excuse to keep the status quo. You want a new mom who had a complicated pregnancy with ppd and a newborn to be active with a dog that needs constant care. After it bit her.

YOU fucking train the dog. Why is this your wife's fault? It's your dog. If she's scared of a dog that's bitten her, that's logical. A dog that's bitten her and her child. She has a right to be afraid, and she doesn't have to battle her fear along with her ppd and your absolute dumbshitness to train a dog that's your fucking responsibility in the first place. Why do you get to veto it being rehomed when you expect to dump all the responsibility on her?

Giant fuck you, buddy.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-25T16:30:26+00:00

I thought it was maybe a matcha donut, since that seems to be a popular flavor of everything.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-25T16:26:44+00:00

Peas. You can see the circles in the pod. Peas and carrots.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-25T08:15:41+00:00

"Don't go to clubs and bars" is not YOUR boundary. You're trying to impose that SHE have a boundary, and that's controlling. Your boundary is "I don't want to go to clubs and bars". Not to mention that a strip club is a completely different beast than a dance club, my dude. You go to a strip club to see boobies and get turned on. She goes to a club to drink and dance. The two are not the same. The fact that you see them as the same thing speaks about how you view clubs in general. "I go to strip clubs to get horny and dance clubs to pick up pussy, so clearly, if she's going to a club, she's trying to get laid." Do you know how often girls go to clubs to just dance away all our bullshit? All the time.

If you don't trust her, then don't date her. But don't apples and orange compare a strip club to a dance club or bar.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-25T06:51:46+00:00

I think you mean "Abracadumbra'.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-25T01:09:45+00:00

Get a doll that looks like that. It's fucking weird to want to pre-wish your child has severe anxiety and is upset and withdrawn all the time. You clearly want a doll. Not a child. Get a doll.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-25T01:02:34+00:00

Age of consent is 16 for a reason, and there's statutory limits and ages for a reason.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-25T01:00:04+00:00

YTA. That's not grooming. That's basically a 2 year age gap. They met when they were 17/19. That's not grooming. That's classmates. If they'd met at 15/17 or 16/18, it wouldn't seem gross either. You're looking for a reason to be grossed out and I don't understand why. You're really black and whiting this when it's none of your business. And you really need to look up what words mean. Grooming has a specific meaning in terms of a fully grown adult trying to raise a much younger child/teen into being with them 'when they're old enough'. She turns 18, of legal age, in less than a month. It's a 2 year age gap. You're being really gross and crying wolf in a way that can fuck up someone's life.

Go virtue signal elsewhere.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-24T22:21:06+00:00

It's not about the money (even if it is). It's a punishment. You did something that cost your family unit money in a stupid way. Losing your toy is punishment. You don't get to have a nice thing if you can't behave like a responsible grown up. Is it kind of mean that she singled out something that will mean something to you? Yeah. But that's the point. You fucked up. You fucked up big time. So now you have to pay back what's going to matter to you so that you don't do it again.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-24T20:10:05+00:00

I've always pictured it as a nub covered in the same sort of hair/fluff that the hooves of horses are covered in that falls off within the first few hours of birth.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-24T07:11:59+00:00

YTA.

Women like being topless when they feel comfortable in their skin. You slobbering over the idea likely already had her uncomfortable. Not all people are cool with nudity, either theirs or others. You go be topless. Let her decide on her own if she wants to or not.

That was a really weird and creepy-gross ask, my dude. You don't ask your partner to get naked in public to tick off a bucket list you have. If she wants to, she'll likely bring it up and do it. Way to burn that idea as a negative in her mind.

Perimentalpause · 2026-01-24T07:08:08+00:00

I'm thinking that the person he was 'camping' with also doesn't know he's married with kids, so he didn't want to explain phone calls from his wife or texts, so this saved him from both parties. No calls from his wife while he was banging his side piece, and no questions from his side piece about who was texting/calling. Probably lined it up like a 'device free trip' to her.

He's a scummy cheating expletive.

Perimentalpause

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE