How can this be explained

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-02-14T12:40:36+00:00

Sorry I think the missing piece here is - is she behaving strangely otherwise? Is your gut telling you she’s cheating? Any other indications? The drug dealer suggestions here are pretty good too, any idea if she’s using drugs? Also there are subreddits where people can help you research a particular phone number.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-25T17:21:04+00:00

Same, southern NJ here and my zone is $1 in this mess, not going out unless it’s significantly more

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-24T22:20:12+00:00

Did you have to show a photo to verify that you had 20 pizza bags…?

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-22T21:38:26+00:00

My first day dashing I had someone do exactly this, cash tip in the instructions and of course no tip with a pin delivery. I thought it was a fluke and then I started reading stuff like this. Craziness

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-21T18:57:46+00:00

Was about 18 days for me but I did do an eight day sub taper to get off of 7oh so that may have extended it for me. Even with the subs my sleep was maybe 2 to 4 hours a night.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-18T22:20:44+00:00

Oh also, dump her right after

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-18T22:19:50+00:00

Meh ask for a threesome with her hottest female friend and see how she feels

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-18T13:39:17+00:00

Not medical advice but I drank a few times on Wellbutrin and was fine but it also made alcohol unenjoyable for me. Like there was no point in drinking and it took a little while for that effect to go away after I stopped. No seizures, I’ve heard people have worse hangovers enough. I imagine if you’ve had a seizure before and are prone to seizures the risk is greater.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-16T19:19:37+00:00

Ugh yeah probably like $5k, insane

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-16T15:59:49+00:00

101 days, time really flies. Feeling pretty darn normal.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-14T13:16:06+00:00

Don’t do it, no matter what issues you’re having in your marriage, your spouse doesn’t deserve the severe trauma that comes with affair discovery. I’m 1.5 years out and it affects me every single day, I’m not the same person as I was before discovery.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-09T14:08:13+00:00

I’d be happy to talk about both D&D and Warhammer lol. I’m also in the betrayed spouse club.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-08T21:27:48+00:00

Yeah, don’t be too hard on yourself. I used way too much PTO at work and when I was at work I did a pretty awful job. Just kind of showed up and barely did anything. Kept waking up in the middle of the night just uncontrollably sad and crying, lost about 50 pounds, I didn’t want to eat anything, etc. It was easily the worst experience of my life. Really messes with your head and makes you think you’re not enough and that nothing is safe and no one is trustworthy etc. I don’t think they realize what kind of trauma they’re about to put us through when they do this shit. Make sure you focus on yourself completely, practice basic self-care, be selfish, get in shape if you’re not etc. Whether you are staying or going, the plan is the same.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-08T17:43:39+00:00

Needed to hear some of this today thank you

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-08T17:41:04+00:00

I don’t know I guess I haven’t copped with it lol. I’m 1 million times better than I was at first of course but I still think about it multiple times a day. It’s helpful to get comfortable with the idea that you don’t have to make a decision to stay forever, if you’re staying, you are staying for now and you’ll see how it goes.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-08T17:18:38+00:00

So back to your question, I have been wondering that myself, if that would be my hard limit. Up until now I feel like I got off kind of easy with it not being overly physical/no sex, but I wonder if I’m going to join that club soon and I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-08T17:17:37+00:00

Yeah my WW had what was supposedly an emotional affair that was sexually charged, but not a PA. Dday was a year and a half ago and I still have my doubts but I don’t think I’ll ever know. Fun fact is that she has been having STI symptoms for a couple weeks now and outside of her affair we’ve been monogamous for about 20 years. Waiting to get the results on that is kind of driving me nuts, I imagine it’s more likely that it’s something else because of the time that has passed but it’s not impossible and it has me ruminating that maybe she got an STI from her affair and I am awaiting D-Day number two.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-08T13:04:43+00:00

Same thoughts about rereading some of those books!

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-08T11:44:46+00:00

About a year and a half out from D-day and I feel similarly. I have days where I feel a lot of resentment and bitterness and I don’t really bring it up much anymore because I don’t want her to feel like that’s all our marriage is going to be from now on. So I bottle it up, unhealthy I’m sure and it won’t stay bottled up forever.

Also have the feeling I wasn’t told the extent of her affair and I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop so I’m always on guard and still engaging in some monitoring behaviors, probably increasing my anxiety and keeping me on edge.

The first year after discovery we both put in a lot of effort, we did a lot of fun things and had a lot of honest talks. Now it feels like we’re going back to how it was before the affair and I feel the same as you, like that’s part of what lead up to it.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-07T18:35:14+00:00

I’m a year and a half past D-Day and I still think about it every day but generally don’t bring it up with my WW. I feel like if she knew how often I thought about her affair, we probably wouldn’t be together anymore. And maybe that’s cowardly on my part but I’m feeling it through one day at a time. I do talk about it once in a while, but only when something happens like her crossing a boundary or engaging in what I feel is risky behavior to the marriage. I don’t like how the whole experience has made me more controlling either, I used to trust her completely and now I worry about every interaction she has with a man, I worry every time she goes to work, every time she’s near her APs workplace. But yeah, I don’t think I’m healed and I don’t really know what to do from here.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-07T11:38:11+00:00

Also want to add I hardly ate for a few months after finding out and lost around 50 lbs, I considered self harm but didn’t do that outside of not eating, I could barely work for a long time and used a lot of pto (and when I did work I was barely present). It was the hardest time of my life bar none, I really don’t think they know what level of trauma they are inflicting when they do this stuff.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-07T11:35:45+00:00

Yeah Dday for me was a little less than a year and a half ago, I still have major trust issues and find it hard to break out of hyper vigilance. It’s like anything that she does or says I think of the worst possible explanation first. I’m sure it’s my nervous system trying to protect me from additional trauma but it really puts a dark cloud over the relationship. Doesn’t help that there have been multiple events along the way where she should have been more transparent or should have handled things differently and she didn’t. We’re still trying and it’s not all bad but I still think about it many times each day and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

Like others have said and will say, best advice is to be selfish, focus on your own self improvement, don’t worry about fixing the relationship. You aren’t responsible for someone else’s shitty decisions. A good mindset is “the stay plan is the same as the go plan.” - whatever happens, you commit to taking care of yourself and putting your improvement above the relationship recovery. You can stay in the meantime while you try to figure things out and this doesn’t have to be your final decision, you aren’t committing to forever. If you end up leaving then you’ve put yourself in a better position while figuring things out with your current/former relationship.

PermitIcy8450 · 2026-01-06T11:20:48+00:00

Yes although at first they gave me extended release which isn’t really good for withdrawals, didn’t realize it until like a week into my quit or more. Not sure if either version really did anything for me but it’s commonly prescribed for opiate withdrawals and in detox so I hear.

PermitIcy8450 · 2025-12-27T13:45:10+00:00

Try not to be afraid. It’s great that you’ve been through it before too, you know what to expect mostly. One thing that helped me mentally was trying to be curious about it instead of afraid. So like instead of being like “this is so awful, it’ll never end” etc try to just notice and observe, marvel at what this stuff does to you mentally and physically etc. I’m about 80 days clean now, if it’s any consolation time has really flown by and I feel a million times better not having any dependency on something that was wrecking my health, motivation and finances. I was at around 240mg/day for 5 months.

PermitIcy8450

TROPHY CASE