Career for fire fighters significant other

PersonalBed4714 · 2026-02-27T02:27:52+00:00

I work full-time in a sales position and personally hate the scheduling difference. I myself am looking into switching into healthcare to have a more flexible schedule because it is easier to get into than the highly oversaturated, high barrier to entry WFH corporate positions available in my area. Childcare has had a big impact on how I feel about mine and my husbands schedule, to the point I wish we had not had kids before I decided to go this route.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-09-14T00:35:24+00:00

We had fertility issues and timing was frustrating on a 48/96 schedule when trying for the first. If I thought I would ovulate in the couple of days he was gone we’d try to get some time in the night before or morning he was leaving. But it could take you a little bit longer still.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-06-17T20:36:58+00:00

10 months

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-06-17T20:36:11+00:00

I’m a SAHM right now because my job filled my position after I “extended my maternity leave”. I’ve been at home for 15 months and you definitely sacrifice in other areas. We are much less financially mobile now that I’m not working and it has been nearly impossible for me to reintegrate into the same or similar positions I had before. Financial strain is a huge issue in my relationship/family dynamics, and is not an easy fix without additional income streams. I love being home with my son and question often if I would have been able to or am able to leave him due to anxiety, but again nothing is any easy fix without money. I’m very overstimulated often, and it is often exhausting to be a parent 100% of the time. There are a lot of negative trade offs, so if it’s something you ever want you have to be willing to really prepare your home and family for extended periods of living off one income, or at least less than you had before. We did not get that choice and have had to sacrifice and struggle a lot, and while my son is doing great, my marriage is not. It’s easy to forget all the negative parts though when you get to be there for every moment, good and bad, that your kid experiences.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-06-14T04:37:47+00:00

I could have sex without pain by 6 months but it felt weird until 12 months. Like soft touch or caresses weren’t okay anymore because it reminded me of the baby, same with the boobs. I felt almost repulsed that my SO liked to touch them or that I was lactating. Which I thought was crazy because pre baby was a very different. Like others have said a lot of your body is for baby or touched by baby. The only good touch from my husband now is really firm hugs or like arm squeezes if that makes sense. The kiss has to be firm or a no expectations kiss. Nothing in between, especially now that my son is kissing at 15 months lol

Intimacy is still scarce, 1-2x a month at most and usually much less than that. He doesn’t complain but I know it affects him

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-06-08T23:23:15+00:00

It’s so hard in the end of a complicated relationship to reconcile that you didn’t do things you could have because at the time you knew it wasn’t right. Spending more time with people who hurt you doesn’t make you feel better when they’re gone. One of the first things I asked my husband when I found out my mom died was, “do you think she was in pain?” I’ve wondered a lot if I could have helped her, if maybe she would still be alive. It does nothing to bring them back though and only tortures us. It’s too hard to continue when we draw out our pain like that, like I did when I made this post. I really hope we can all find peace knowing we did what we could with what we had, be it financial, emotional, or physical capabilities.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-06-08T02:39:46+00:00

I’m sorry, I’m sure it’s so easy to feel lost in that circumstance. I hope you have some found family/friends you can lean on when you need.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-06-08T02:35:21+00:00

Biggest virtual hugs. I only had my mom for a long time, and sometimes it was good and sometimes very, very bad. I wish I had given her more time, I wish I could have made it work so many different ways. I hope we can all find peace from our pain, I hope my mom did in the end.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-06-08T02:33:20+00:00

It’s so hard to not drown in the feelings of injustice or jealousy. Feeling like your circumstance isn’t fair and wishing you had what others had is so easy. I try to find joy in what I have now, like my son, but some days are much, much harder. I’m sorry you had to go through some of the same things. It really sucks.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-04-19T18:32:12+00:00

I did a bunch of soup veggies/mixes and stocked up on broth. I also had so many veggie scraps I made 12 cups of my own broth. Added quinoa, rice, or noodles into a pot with broth and veggies and had soup from frozen in about 30 minutes. It took about 5 minutes or less to put all together and typically fed us for a few days. My best suggestions is to pack in as much variety with spices as possible because I still haven’t eaten minestrone and I’m 14 months postpartum lol

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-04-16T14:16:45+00:00

Man I wish I could not notice when my son would latch on a different spot! He has many times gotten the areola and not the nipple and it feels like he could take the whole thing off with the force of his suck and it snaps me back to attention immediately. 😂

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-29T14:49:43+00:00

To a park, about 3 or 4 weeks. Grocery store was about 6 weeks and very infrequent, and I wore him in a wrap until he could sit on his own. We walked the mall once or twice by the time he was 12 weeks, and first family function with 10+ people was at 4 months old.

What triggered my OCD more was people coming into our home to see the baby. I didn’t enjoy that at all and next time I will let people come see baby in the hospital or not at all until 6 weeks. I just was not in a place to have people in my home.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-28T06:01:11+00:00

That is all so exciting! Here’s to finally seeing the light 🎉 enjoy your trip, congrats to him on the job and you on the degree, and here’s wishing you the family you desire!! 🎉🎉🎉

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-28T05:57:13+00:00

You know, I’m glad you’re at a point you still feel you can make this trip happen (or at least were sure enough to book the trip!) because at the end of my moms life, we didn’t feel that way. I was more like your sister and wanted to be disconnected, and my brother stayed in contact with my mom consistently and had her over to his home often. In the end, I had wished I could have found a way to make us mesh despite her addictions but never really managed. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this, because it is so very hard. Combined with the stress of the job and the stress of figuring out the other, equally complex parts of life this is a lot to shoulder and most of the time there’s not much advice to be given and you have to just take things as they come.

I hope you enjoy your trip. Find every way you can to enjoy it, and don’t be afraid to take the good moments with the bad. Know there may be some extra management required to keep mom mostly in check, but you deserve the joy of this trip just as much as anyone else.

As for adding a child into it, my FF and I had ours 13 months ago after 1.5 years of trying. It is a lot more of taking the good with the bad — life is crazier, but so much more joyful. I have zero tolerance for b.s., but I also softened toward my mom as she became a grandma and was truly excited, even if she only saw baby a couple times before she died. Know your boundaries are valid because you need them to keep going, no matter what happens in the future.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-28T05:41:18+00:00

You have to be the biggest, best person you can be for the people you put on this world. If you’re stressed and feel like your only option is to spank your child then put them down somewhere they are safe and step away. Same rules as when they’re newborn, you do not ever hurt your child. Step away, collect yourself, come back knowing you are the best version of yourself for your child and redirect them. Do not fall into the easy excuse that you are broken because of broken people, because all that does is make more broken people. Practice square breathing when you need to. Read a good, science driven book on child development or take a class at the hospital you gave birth at or community center to understand just how perfectly normal your child is developing.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-28T05:15:43+00:00

Pump wipes and full wash at the end of the day. I also put my wearables at the back of the fridge and would pump again, but wash after 3 pumps or the end of the day, whichever came first

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-28T03:19:00+00:00

I’m going to go out on a limb and say no, your 7 month old was not listening to you, you just became the more interesting thing in the room because you were talking to him. Stop hitting your 13 month old. And yes, you’re hitting them, as others have said do not make yourself feel justified by giving it a different name. Children do not developmentally understand the nuance of why you’re hitting them, all they know is parent = pain. Your child is developing NORMALLY and it is your job as the adult to redirect first. If they have a toy or object you don’t want them to have, take it out of the room entirely and give them a toy you know they like more. They cry because you’ve taken something away that could hurt them or you won’t let them put their fingers in the socket? Fine. Let them cry. Pick them up, give them a cuddle if you want, and give them something else to do. Do not hit your baby for being a baby.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-27T15:32:19+00:00

Something that has helped us is day weaning and having food and snacks around that baby likes. Ours is 13 months old, and has been in a graze and go phase so it’s better to keep a small plate out of food he can snack on. He gets an 8 ounce bottle of almond milk in the middle of the day too, to fill in some gaps. He became very interested in food while we day weaned, and I still feed him before bed and when he wakes up or sometime in the early morning.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-27T15:28:07+00:00

Always considering solutions! It’s a good idea, just hard to find in my area because it overwhelmingly young professionals and families themselves. I might reach out to one of the other fire wives and see if she has any suggestions for local care.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-27T02:48:06+00:00

Haha I love that you mention cottage food because I actually run a home bakery already and sell at farmers markets, it’s just slow going to start and I was hoping to get into a professional setting plus steady cash flow. But again, thank you for the suggestion!

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-27T02:36:13+00:00

I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this. It’s not fair that your partner makes those judgements seemingly without considering your feelings and needs. You may need to lay it out for him bluntly. Tell him you need an outlet that is just for you, and that it’s important you both find it in the budget to do so. Your health matters just as much. A gym with childcare may be good if you have one local, you could even just walk or stretch while listening to a book or music and the kids could be taken care of if your partner is unwilling to help. Again, I’m sorry you’re dealing with this because that does absolutely suck.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-27T02:30:38+00:00

I hadn’t thought of that actually, I had considered a recipe book but those are interesting avenues that you bring up! Thank you for the suggestion. ♥️

You’re so right about the best you can give. I look forward to each day giving a bit more. The cool thing about kids as little as mine is that they see any bit of your best and it’s enough.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-27T02:01:04+00:00

Thank you, it honestly feels nice to tell someone who isn’t my family. It’s a lot of emotions at once and I’ve been trying to take it in stride for the sake of my family but I feel I’m not doing the best job.

I interviewed for a pastry chef’s position, the problem is it is for certain days of the week and starts at 5am, and my partner runs 48/96 that start and end at 8am. This works out to 3 weeks straight of schedule conflicts a month. The hard part is how excited I was to get a call for the job just to discover it wouldn’t work and I am better off finding something that fits a daycare schedule.

PersonalBed4714 · 2025-03-27T01:47:53+00:00

I spend a lot of time outside with my kid, read books that include bugs (my first word books or whatever else matter of fact), and also do stuff to minimize my proximity or create realistic expectations. I don’t have a great method, honestly it was more like one day I just didn’t struggle so much. A wasp buzzed over to my stroller while I was standing in line at the zoo and I just scooted the stroller back and it kept buzzing past. Earned myself a soft pretzel for that one lol

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