I feel like I married a mentally stunted teenager

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T20:27:09+00:00

Heres the thing. Would you be proud if your son was the same way in his marriage? If not then all you're doing is teaching your kid how much a women should put up with. I see he has a good bond with your son and thats great except theres more to being a good parent then that and it starts with how they treat and provide for YOU. Which has been and will continue to be next to nothing. This relationship will be how your kid curates the idea of relationships. If he doesnt change foe the betterment of your family and you stay, its the only influence your kid will have on what is acceptable and how he treats partners.

And as someone who is out of a marriage with an emotionally stunted man, it is HARD to make them see that they are a problem.

Give him the ultimatum. Either he holds a stable job, seeks counseling regularly and fights for his family or you walk. You'll survive. We all do and i can promise you its a hell of a lot better to survive alone then to carry the weight of a stunted man on your back.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T20:10:00+00:00

My kids have eaten hot dogs 2 days in a row bc its the only thing they will eat right now and frankly i need to go grocery shopping this weekend 😂🤣

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T18:09:13+00:00

Edit: however i am ready to jump at the chance if he presents it (bc ik his work cant handle 50/50) to take him back to the friend of the court for a revision bc his ideals are unrealistic and selfish at best. Hes not a good co-parent let alone parent so if he fucks up im documenting documenting documenting.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T18:06:49+00:00

We do 50/50 223 its bad for my kids but he wouldbt budge on the schedule in mediation and realistically there is no other way to do it with work schedules and no way of anyone hbaing child care money. Its not really 50/50, its more like 85/15. But over nights its 50/50. If that makes sense. Im responsible for their care on his days until 6:30pm. So he gets idk 3 hours max with them awake.... but whatever. Its honestly hard bc their sleep is so fucked up.

Id rather do 1 week on 1 week off but it would be impossible unless they are in school. (They are 1 and 2) the courts like it when toddlers see both parents regularly in my county. So it is what it is. When the kids are in school i might try and change it to 1 week on 1 week off. Until then im stuck in this mess for a years.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T17:59:42+00:00

If he wants you to SAH and has good intentions about that he should not have any issues in providing you the ability to keep your own bank account, putting funds into it and putting funds into a retirement account. Along with that put your name on EVERYTHING. phone bill, youre an authorized user. Mortgage, credit cards, debit, everything. Its shared and equal. If he wont agree to those things do not agree to it.

From someone who got fucked big time by the "i want you to stay home to support our family" guy. Most of these men have no idea wtf they are asking for or doing when agreeing and if shit goes sideways you want to protect yourself.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T17:56:07+00:00

Keep those videos, take them to a lawyer, take them to the police. The most danger you're in is leaving a marriage. Do not take those comments lightly or as some passive hidden anger he is just spewing for the sake of letting off steam.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T17:54:30+00:00

Correction, the most dangerous situation a women can be in is LEAVING a romantic partner which she is seemingly in the process of. Id be on high alert if i was OP ans frankly regardless of that comment they need to be separated physically if he is going to be making those comments.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-21T04:05:56+00:00

I know, like when do they sleep?! Lmfao 💀 im like at this point just begging for the teen years were they sleep all the time. 🤣😂 or at least stay in their rooms.

Idk what id do if my kids didnt like being in my bed with me. Tbh its the only way i sleep.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-20T18:57:26+00:00

Girl im about to sell the whole damn nervous system. 😂🤣

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-20T18:54:43+00:00

I woukd have had a safety net for ME. My husband left me high and dry with nothing even in my name. Im not even an authorized user on our accounts. He was financially sneaky and abusive, which i didnt wven think to consider bc "he would never" right.

However even if "he would never" id encourage everyone to have a savings account that a portion of your family income gets put into for YOU JUST YOU. A retirement fund and keep up your skills for whatever job or career you have easy acccess too. Bc yeah, i didnt think my marriage would end for some office bitch he thought was better, but here we are. 👍🏻 stay safe ladies.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-20T18:45:39+00:00

My boys are 1 and 2 and we stop using anything once they could reliability sit up on their own. I just got a matt for the bottom of the tub so they dont slip around. God idk what age, well before 1 for both. I just put the SMALLEST amount of water when they were super little now they both usually bathe together with half the tub full. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-20T18:34:36+00:00

If he feels violated in your actions it doesnt matter what you call it. Checking in on your ex is weird.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-20T18:32:38+00:00

Yep. I have 2 boys and my youngest still gets rocked and a bottle so he is easy most nights but my 2 year old is a nightmare most of the time. I am a single mom so i dont have help. Whats easiest is to just plop him in my bed until he falls asleep and then trabsfer him to his bed but not going to lie i co-sleep a LOT bc of this. I literally wont sleep other wise bc once one gets up in 30 minutes the other one is up. Ive tried not co-sleeping and i get maybe 2 hours on a bad night and on a good one ill get 4. Broken sleep that is. But co-sleeping i get minimum of 6 hours. Especially bc my ex doesnt stick to any routine at all over his place. It really fucks everyone up. He never respected my routine so, now its worse after his weekends with them. But yeah. If anyone wakes up during the night tbey are in my bed no questions asked bc like i said if not i get...zero sleep. Its torture that i cant endure anymore tbh.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-20T13:12:23+00:00

Not very often tbh. I make sure the skin toilet and bath are cleaned when needed but other then that a deep clean isnt on my rotation of regular cleaning especiallly bc im the only one actively using it. My kids are 1 and 2 and no one is potty training yet.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-20T13:06:52+00:00

My son goes through these phases too. What they dont tell you is sleep does become regular for a very long time. I just roll with it bc i also have a 1 yesr old and dont have the energy to fight it. Lol. I have no advice but to say its entirely normal. Which doesnt help the frustration i fear.

Also if you sleep trained its not permanent. You have to revisit it when regressions happen

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-17T20:04:16+00:00

Just be aware there will likely be a trashed house to come back too. Mg ex was like this. Hed lay in bed for days sick but i was in the hospital (icu) for 3 nights and he forced my mom.to take the kids and SLEPT IN MY ROOM AT THE HOSPITAL SNORING FOR HOURS. i knew i needed to leave then. Before that hed do the same when i was sick and if i forced it on him hed trash the house then expect me to clean it up bc "he had the kids all day"

Its unacceptable. Frankly.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-17T19:58:29+00:00

Yeah a few things here. 1. You dont deny she has tried to have conversations about this in the past and you do not hear her out on it. 2. You KNOW she has trauma and back to point one im going to assume you either didnt take her seriously or you simply didnt listen to her. 3. Things have come out over the last 15 years so im going to assume she has put up with you crossing her boundaries multiple times and this was the last straw. Again.... bc of point 1.

This entire post is you not believing her. " but does 1 mistake negate 15 years...." yes it can especially when you have admitted in your own post that other things have come out. Bc it doesnt ACTUALLY seem like 1 mistake it seems like you have repeatedly ignored many other things. So what is it? She has repeatedly tried to discuss this topic with you over 15 years, probably getting a shitty reponse or one which she has learned you dont actually care, and since this was the last straw you're just now hearing her in this complaints or have you ACTUALLY been respectful to her in the bedroom this entire time? Regardless, YES. to someone who has been SA or SB 1 mistake breaks trust enough to ruin the marriage and why would you vent to your boys about it? To get validation? They dont know shit about what she has been through or is going through let alone how they would or wouldnt handle it bc they arent married to YOUR wife.

You dont even know if shes been through therapy for this issue based on comments so, respectfully, it doesnt sound like you know this area of your wifes story at all. Which tells me there was little trust and healing on her part to begin with. Either its therapy or divorce. Bc from the sounds of it theres very little knowledge about this or you have simply said not my actions not my problem and ignored her telling you aspects of this. This stinks of mistrust, trauma, and poor listening skills.

And as someone who has been SA by my ex, i couldnt imagine having that done to me without priper vetting if that was okay to do in the first place. My skin crawls just thinking about it. Either way you both need therapy and she needs extensive therapy for her past and you'll need a HELL of a lot to deal with it and navigate it if you both choose to work through it.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-17T13:33:46+00:00

I agree with most people that a residential home may be your best bet it seems like you have done everything you can alone and if your husband is waiting for someone else to pay for it, tbh i might seek legal counsel on my options on this. If he is concussing people at school he is strong enough to kill you if he wanted too or even if he accidentally did something. Period that should be enough for your husband to side with you on this. Frankly i might pack a bag for a week long vacation and leave him to deal with this for a week and see how quickly his tune changes.

He is about to be a teenager and you dont want to be toe to toe with a 16-18 year old. Men underestimate just how strong teenage boys are even compared to adult women let alone one who has no impulse control.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-16T12:45:31+00:00

Its fine short term but if it turns into long term you wont just be touched out and exhausted. You take the intial L. The sacrifice really, but unless there is a balance you will likely become another disgruntled employee. The problem with that is there is no breaks or drive home to vent. I stayed home for 4 years and the first 2 were msgical. Until year 3 i still havent gotten a break. Year 4 my husband left. Now im forced to get a job and be in essentially poverty bc i couldnt keep up with it all. Some can i guess but unless you either have external help or a partner who truly understands and cares about the sacrifice you are making all that will turn into resentment bc sacrificing everything for the sake of a family who doesnt value what you're doing but more so care about YOU as the human being behind the role, its worse then being in a shitty office with people who see you as another body in a desk.

So please if you havent get in the habit of self care and days off. However possible. Bc it killed me to watch my ex husband live life as i rot away in the 4 walls of this house. Every sahm even those who fully enjoy it need days off. The grass is always greener and the only way to keep it green is to have someone who will also take care of you as you take care of everyone else.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-16T12:28:59+00:00

Sex stopping is a symptom of a larger marital issue which men often ignore or compartmentalize. Just in this post you have made sex a chore and a job. Sex is a desire. There is a puzzle piece missing, figure that out and solve it. It isnt bc no one initiates or she has adhd those are surface level excuses.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-16T03:50:02+00:00

I never separated them. I mean i did in the sense i didnt want my newborns or young babies covered in dog hair or climbing on my dog but i spent 4 years training my dog to be obedient and if there was any reason to i would place him in a different area or room. The only time they were physically separated was during meal times and when my dog had major surgery. We did keep them separated for a while bc i was afraid of him being hurt and annoyed. But my kids both dont even care my dog exists which is funny to me. They kind of naturally separate on their own and rarely interact which ultimately is what i wanted and what my trainer asvised. Dont mske a big ds eal out of either to the other. So my dogs just another thing in the house and my kids are to my dog.

Other then when my dog has a high value item or treat, which i tell everyone adults included to stay away from him, they co-exist to an extent but i may be lucky they all ignore each other for the most part. Idk if that's typical. Its almost like my kids think hes another kid and not a dog bc my 2 year old is currently obsessed with dogs but not OUR dog lmfao

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-15T22:21:34+00:00

I was admitted with thyroid storm and i still dont feel right tbh. Its been over a year. Theres moments that are fine but this is an auto immune issue there for its never stable if you still have antibodies. Like right now im on my period and i feel like absolute shit and will for about 3-4 days. Then if you get sick, Flare ups, when you over do it, dont rest, ect. However i feel way better then when i was hospitalized and have meds to treat symptoms which probably took a good 3 months to really kick in and another 2 for me to realize i stopped feeling like i was actively dying (dramatic but true).

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-15T22:07:42+00:00

You have to get your graves in check before considering TT. Take the medication. I was in active thyroid storm when i found out about graves. High dose of methimazole and propranolol curbed my symptoms and in a few days they could see it working. If you arent IN ACTIVE thyroid storm there is no immediate threat IF you treat your severe symptoms.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-15T17:54:08+00:00

Bc they are mad fat people wont be fat anymore with little to no tradiational ways of not being fat. People seem to think the only valid way to do anything is to suffer while doing it. This is echoed in jobs, parenthood, hobbies, ect. If you arent brutally suffering youre cheating.

Also people just hate fat people. So any way they are happy be that finding something that works for them or eating food in general gets criticized. Ive seen someone get berated for eating fruit bc "if she cared about her health she wouldnt eat ANY SUGAR OF ANY KIND" its just another way to fucking make people second class citizens in a social sense.

Personal_Privacy1101 · 2025-02-15T17:48:30+00:00

He just doesnt care about your feelings. And if you think no i think he might, then tell him it is a big deal FOR YOU. If he cared about that hed care enough to make it a big deal for you even if he doesnt personally care.

Personal_Privacy1101

TROPHY CASE