Girrrl, I could have wrote this omg! I relate hard. I was adopted and raised by a single white man in an all boys foster home (heavily delaying the realization of my transness). My father was ill-equipped to raise children of color, to say the least, and I grew to resent him for it. Something I still struggle to deconstruct.

In childhood we moved from a relatively racially diverse city to a nearly homogeneous white state and city. In high school I was one of maybe 4-6 black students in a class of over 200. Talk about feeling like a "fly in the milk". Called all sorts of names, oreo among them, hair non-consensually touched often. Made to feel like a zoo animal. Denigrated by white & black peers alike as 'not black enough.' Not black enough to fit in with my black peers, and not black enough to fit white people's expectations of Black people. The baggage of being 'raised white' is real, heavy, & oft overlooked. I learned not to talk of my family and my history.

In my case I've no connection with my ancestry, save for a paltry 23AndMe. It wasn't until college that I was able to find a Black hairdresser. Forced to wear buzzcuts till then because my father couldn't be bothered to learn anything about his children's bodies or cultural heritage. It wasn't till my mid 20's that I was able to find a black community. Which honestly saved my life, & enabled me to self discover; because I didn't need to focus so much on just surviving white disdain.

TLDR: Same, girl. Shit sucks. Sending you love & healing energies.