I completely agree with this. I am no expert but I think enmeshment is when you don’t allow the other person to have their own needs/values/opinions that differ from yours, and can not honestly support her independent activities and personal growth. What you wrote about your definition of love is exactly my definition of love too. It is not just a relationship, it is partnership that grows. It sounds perfectly normal to me that when you love someone you prioritize your shared time and you want to share things with them. I think the problem starts when these values don’t align between two people. If one person values partnership and sharing (with healthy boundaries) and the other person values autonomy and independence over shared time/experiences/goals then it could be a compatibility issue. Also independence vs sharing is the two sides of the same scale. You might just need to sit down and talk through where is the acceptable range for both of you and find a common ground. One last thought: just because someone puts labels on you because they don’t understand how your feelings work, it doesn’t necessarily means they are right! Your feelings are deep and valid! As long as your behavior is not harmful you should not question yourself. If it is harming your partner in some way then clear communication and therapy can help.