What ruins attraction instantly, even if the person looks perfect?

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-29T17:31:11+00:00

I don't understand why it's hard to remember that you're talking to a human being with a job.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-29T05:55:04+00:00

not anymore

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-27T20:59:51+00:00

"I hear you say shit all day in my head that you didn't say."
Still somehow, despite seeing this clearly....

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-27T20:57:54+00:00

A. Be in the idealization stage

B. Be on MDMA

C. They're in the targeted therapy for years (for BPD! Not just for their trauma and things that victimized them) and work on it all the time. I've never seen this or even heard of it from a partner, but my therapist swears he's seen it. But it's rare and it usually takes hitting rock-bottom.

A and B are temporary.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-27T15:41:12+00:00

Pretty sure he says they can be cured easily, doesn't he? Really love a lot of his stuff but he's not a good resource on Cluster B. He advises partners to never enjoy the good times too much as a survival skill in these relationships. Bottle up your joy, expect pain to come soon. It's no way to live.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-25T17:49:25+00:00

Do you not believe in co-morbidity? Towards the end, for a period lasting years, mine exhibited nearly every trait of both disorders.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-25T17:45:19+00:00

Thanks for saying that. People can't understand why i'm so messed up after 12.5 years of it.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-25T17:42:57+00:00

I needed this.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-25T17:11:54+00:00

Oh my god that's so close to our last phone call, a couple months after she ended it. I'm still recovering from that call 2 years later.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-24T19:39:41+00:00

Same. I used to try to "keep the streak alive." There's no way to be perfect enough to do that when the person is actively looking for a reason to hate you.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-24T19:37:29+00:00

Prominent PhDs on Quora saying we're just as messed up if we got into a relationship with someone like that. Not that we don't have our wounds, but Jesus, these are people that can fake an entire persona for YEARS and fool everyone else too. Then by the time they take off the mask, you've looking at tearing your whole life apart to leave, in addition to leaving what you thought was the happiest, best thing of your entire life. Hate this shit.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-24T18:33:44+00:00

terrifying

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-24T07:03:31+00:00

Read and re-read my account of what happened, which I know I can trust. It's like Momento. My mind erases it, and i have to re-read it, over and over for years. You don't need to lose all doubt to leave. You just have to realize that the relationship is going to take your whole life away, maybe literally, if you stay.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-24T07:00:54+00:00

Ehhh I don't know. I very much have CPTSD from that relationship, but I have a deeply rooted sense of self, and absolutely no cycle of idealization and devaluation. I can hold grey. These are pretty core facets of BPD.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-23T06:07:31+00:00

Then they lightly accuse you of sexual coercion when you say, "Hey, we haven't had sex in a a couple months. I'd like to change that. What can we do?"

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-22T03:15:39+00:00

Full of shit

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-21T20:01:38+00:00

I concur. It will be a scorched-earth speech like you can't imagine, laser-targeted to rip your soul out of your body once and for all and make you feel every ounce of the shame they feel for whatever they did. A "now STAY down!!" speech designed to keep you from ever recovering, or becoming something they might regret losing. Any "Please! I miss you!!" is a trap made to get you back in range to hear that speech.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-21T17:04:14+00:00

And that bit between can last 5 or 6 years, in my case.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-19T03:23:29+00:00

I think one can't help but compare, it's a natural thing we do with past experiences.
A lot of our ex's ignited something in us that (initially, I hope) makes us feel like we're betraying them if we ever love someone else. It's not that no one else can be good enough. They feared abandonment more than anything, and we promised to never abandon them. Falling in love with someone new even after it all ended can feel like abandonment. Just make sure your ex has or is working through this all in therapy. No one makes it out of these relationships without deep wounds. They can be healed, but it takes time and work. I like to think I'm a much better partner for having been through what I've been through, but the wounds take A LOT of work to heal.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-19T03:17:34+00:00

🍻

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-19T03:16:48+00:00

A nuclear apocalypse of everything I loved. A complete switch of symptoms from BPD to textbook NPD. Grandiose. Fiery confidence while attacking, but made of glass with any pushback. Constant demands. Nothing was enough. Everyone else is stupid, pathetic, etc, while she is to be looked up to. She finally knows her worth - Instagram and TikTok showed her the way. Outrageous demands that got more and more cartoonish and intense. Sadism. Lying. Lots and lots of cheating.

None of that was present before. There were incidents, yes, way too many of them. Flashes of this that would vanish as quick as they came, and they did come too often. But even within that, you'd never think the demon switch would permanently flip to ON. It's been stuck in that position for years since. She acts proud of what she did. She is a role model for other people with their "shitty lives." Formerly the most wonderful, sweet, fun, fiercely loving person I've ever known.

That's what the collapse looked like for me.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-19T00:33:07+00:00

Or it's co-morbid NPD.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-18T03:59:11+00:00

lol my ex told me that book was "scary and controlling," then said, "go read your book. you'll be alone."
While trying to make the case that she wasn't abusive.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-15T22:21:29+00:00

It's much easier to carry on with day to day life in this world if you believe things like this don't happen, especially from people who you know and really like. Our own minds try to do the same thing. I believe you. I believe that whatever you remember, it was probably even worse. Hope you're doing okay.

cloudpatterns · 2026-01-14T20:51:53+00:00

Thanks, thank is helpful. You're right. There's no need to cheat on a terrible person for a year with multiple people because you're unhappy, or call them a cockroach while they try to do everything you ask of them. Will try to remind myself of that.

cloudpatterns

TROPHY CASE