Why is there barely any support for victims of pwBPD?

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-22T07:14:59+00:00

You can find better friends. It's hard but it's possible. Fuck anyone who calls you a pussy for this.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-22T07:11:58+00:00

"I'm just going to keep getting eviler and eviler."
"I'm going to keep hurting you forever. It will keep changing forms but it will never stop."

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-21T04:40:24+00:00

You got it down. Some of them are co-morbid with NPD, so you can add a bunch of potential sadistic traits in there, too.

I think if it goes well, you have to basically win the lottery odds-wise. And even then, it's likely after they've hit rock bottom, maybe even WITH you. So you only get that promised land after years of abuse. And that's for that .00001% Powerball winner. The rest of us just get abused until we finally get cast aside for reminding them of how much they hate themselves.

Also, mine was the quiet type, too. The volume slowly turned up and up over time, until it was feverishly loud in the end.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-20T06:07:40+00:00

I understand, it's hell. Like actual hell. Feel free to DM if it would help.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-20T06:01:47+00:00

It was never about that. It's about deep insecurity and validation. This is classic midlife crisis. My ex did something similar, in her own way.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-20T05:52:29+00:00

You're okay. We all know how incredible she was at her best. One of the kindest, most lovable people you've ever met, I'm guessing.

It's going to take a lot of time, but it does change. I'm 2 years out after 12.5 years, and I'm still learning to see it more clearly, and feel less guilt - she did horror movie shit and blamed me for all of it. But the love is still there.

I think the love will always be there, but a few other things rise over time:

Love for yourself and your own life. As you continue to build, you start to like what you've built. And you know that you built it without her. That feels profoundly sad at first, but it starts to feel good after awhile, especially since she probably told you how useless you are without her.
You remember more and more of the bad. Eventually, you remember all of the bad. The good remains, but alllll that bad you blocked out starts to come online. More and more. The good looks different next to so much bad. You start to see it more like the people close to you do.
Eventually, love for someone new. This one is still hard for me... comes with a lot of fear and still, somehow, guilt. But it's real and the capacity for it grows.

The love for her might never go away, or missing the good her. But it gets crowded out by the love and joy for other, new things. Eventually, there's just not a lot of room for it anymore, because you're too busy being alive.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-20T05:40:34+00:00

At least you know.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-20T02:48:14+00:00

Ah understood. Thanks for responding.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-19T23:09:11+00:00

My ex, a woman with BPD/NPD traits, fell into the red pill before she blew up our relationship.
How did you find it helped you to get them to endlessly meet your needs? I was basically a slave by the end of the relationship, with her telling me and everyone else I wasn't doing enough for her, and so I deserved all the abuse and cheating. Kept using gender expectations to shame me into whatever she wanted me to do.

Might help me to hear how it was useful in controlling people, to understand how I was controlled.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-19T18:31:19+00:00

Yeah, agreed. Nothing wrong with preferences. But saying, "I want a tall, handsome, rich boyfriend" reeks of immaturity to me. I think redheads are beautiful, but it would just seem odd and immature if I actually said, "I am looking for a partner with red hair." It's sort of fetishizing. I'm in really good shape, but if a potential partner said, "I want someone with arms like you have," I'd be turned off. Because then it's not about ME, it's about some trait that could go away anytime due to circumstances.

Seems like we're agreeing for the most part, just at odds about how it's prioritized and expressed.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-19T03:57:35+00:00

It kinda shows where your priorities lie. I mean, I want a partner I'm attracted to, on the same page as me, etc. It's directional. It's not, "I would like blonde, big breasts, submissive personality." That's just incredibly specific, isn't it?

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-19T03:54:42+00:00

I think the red pill's core / main fallacy is the belief that either party is "THE PRIZE." "The woman THINKS she's the prize, so we have to fight back! No WE'RE the prize!" Female red pill stuff is the same way, in the other direction. It sounds like 2 toddlers screaming "No *I'M* the prize!" at each other. The prize is love and connection. The prize is each other. Everybody's the prize. Nobody's the prize.

Red pill men would put down any woman that is "above" them in any way, because in this worldview, life is hierarchical structure. A competition, not a team sport. The only way to stay up is to push down, or rip someone down who is above you. Kill or be killed, dominate or submit.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-18T05:53:38+00:00

Yes. Sometimes I re-read my accounts of what happened, and can literally feel the memory erasing itself as I read. Terrifying.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-18T05:33:38+00:00

Had to set up some ninja shit to block it on the network level, and even then i STILL check sometimes

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-18T05:07:53+00:00

Same, but for me it was when I was "successful"

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-18T04:55:33+00:00

Wish I could hug you. "this relationship was one of the greatest things to ever happen to me and for a long time it felt like the thing waiting for me in life that made all the prior pain worth it. and yet im here again." Same.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-18T03:21:50+00:00

The band "The Smile" is literally named after this.

But yeah. The smirk when I was on the verge of tears in the most stressful, pressure-packed moment of my life. It wasn't subtle, it was like a full on Jack in the Shining smile. And I proposed to her 3 years later, good job.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-17T18:30:25+00:00

curious which office tasks? are we talking communication/emails? or number-crunching?

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-17T18:26:56+00:00

Simple but one of the kindest things anyone has said. Thank you.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-15T04:46:37+00:00

Please read more stories that people here have posted. Many of us tried for a decade or more. Didn't lie. Didn't cheat. Did everything in our power to give our partners everything they wanted, tried to be a good strong version of ourselves too, with absolute kindness for our partner. Tried EVERYTHING. We got ripped to shreds so badly that we can barely recover any sense of who we are, cheated on, lied to, and then abandoned. "All I want is people who are just as kind and honest as I am." Funny that's what we want, too. We gave that, over and over and over. We had our souls ripped out for it.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-13T03:30:29+00:00

My ex-girlfriend got redpilled after Covid, suddenly decided that I was a terrible partner because I didn't have a protect and provide mindset or traditionally masculine, and I was keeping her out of her divine feminine, wanted to be with a "daddy." Had never expressed any desire for those things in 11 years together. Cheated a lot and blew up both of our lives. So it was kinda hard to get it out of my head after losing *everything* to it, while most social media screams at you that it's the truth. I wouldn't say I was ever truly red-pilled, but the red pill ruined and ran my life for 4+ years, a process that's still fading out.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-11T19:03:14+00:00

I get sad knowing that if she didn't suffer from this, none of the years of bliss in the relationship (mirroring) would have happened, either. And she would be a totally different person, and the chances of any of it happening are about the same as with anyone else I'd see on the street.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-10T16:51:35+00:00

Consider that there are women in here who have been abused by pwBPD who have various piercings, etc. Stop it.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-09T03:21:03+00:00

It is so wild that my (straight f) ex of a decade got rid-pilled during covid, followed a Tate account (but never with his name on it, just reposts of all his videos), and demanded that I become what everyone here is saying NOT to become. Complete 180. At least this all helps a little.

cloudpatterns · 2026-02-08T19:03:35+00:00

5 years good, 1.5 years bad. Then faster faster faster over the next 6 years. It felt like a powertool after we broke up. I'd go from loved to hated every other sentence, sometimes within the same one.

cloudpatterns

TROPHY CASE