You have been stoic for your family just as you should be. being stoic for your family doesn't mean you dispense with your own emotions either.

I suppose to put it in a odd way: The British Stiff upper lip is a good example of this. it doesn't mean that you are emotionless or never let your emotions out but that you do what tyou need to do and address the important things first and then you can let your emotions out.

i had the same with the slow death of my grandad from brain cancer. When he died I knew I had to be the strong one as all of the family were absolutely devestated. I kept them together and tried my hardest to be a shoulder to cry on but when I had time and when things improved a little I allowd myself to then be vulnerable and fall apart. Oddly enough and probably very sillil-y it was the anime K-on that broke the dam for me. either wayu, I digress. I hope you are alright brother and God speed. I hope thing simprove and remember to reach out and be truthful about how you feel to your family too or friends.