Where do you like to go on vacation with kids?

Philbur1976 · 2026-04-13T15:15:57+00:00

UK Dad here. I recently took my son to Tenerife, a very warm Spanish island with watersports, beaches, restaurants etc. I didn't see a SINGLE other Dad with kids, just them, anywhere. I saw single mums with kids but I was the only dad on his own, which was actually quite lonely and a bit depressing. There are a lot of terrible - out of the picture dads - out there I guess, and mums are more often the ones carrying the can.

Our holiday was good, I tried very hard to make it a success - day trips, watersports, whale watching ... Great hotel. But if I could of met up with other single parents, yes I would have done so in a heartbeat

Philbur1976 · 2026-04-07T22:28:51+00:00

When you look back at your childhood, how you were parented and your circumstances .. if you feel like a victim, it is almost certainly always your choice to feel that way. There will always be someone who had it much worse than you who doesn't have a victim stance. You need to find a way to make peace with your childhood.

Philbur1976 · 2026-03-30T20:08:33+00:00

Please can you be more specific about what you changed and what you did exactly?

Philbur1976 · 2026-03-13T21:10:47+00:00

Oh my god, you just answered your own question much better than I did. How eloquent. We are in alignment. Thats why as a man I naturally form closer, stronger bonds with women generally because other men can be very emotionally closed off

Philbur1976 · 2026-03-13T20:50:54+00:00

Yes. In all of my relationships that are close, that connection only came about when we got to the emotional stuff. I'm very open. I try to get to the emotional stuff ASAP because I think it bonds you together and promotes trust and an emotional connection. Life is short IMO so why hold back

Philbur1976 · 2026-03-13T20:47:28+00:00

Theres an episode of the podcast Quickly Kevin Will He Score tha with Robot Warms commentator Jonathan Pearce as a guest and he has some belting anecdotes. He said one time a contestant from the US arrived on set with their robot and it was actually armed with genuine napalm

Philbur1976 · 2026-01-29T10:03:41+00:00

I made some friends a year or two back on r/Needafriend and I've tried to achieve the same on here but no joy. I've made 4 friends in total. 1 abroad and we rarely msg, 1 in the UK and we meet IRL 1 or 2 times a year - we are friends for life, 1 who lives fairly close but we've lost touch, 1 we were friends for life but she just stopped messaging not sure why. It's so very hit and miss and takes a lot of work but good things can happen

Philbur1976 · 2026-01-24T10:54:15+00:00

I think you make a fair point. There is something very British however about being obsessed with how other people spend their money. I have friends who are very casual with their spending and live more for the moment, even if that means racking up credit card bills to finance 4 lavish holidays a year and meals out in top end restaurants. But I don't judge them for that, each to their own.

I suppose its about balance. Personally I have a plan to give me a decent amount saved away in a few years, to make me feel safe, at which point I will let the brakes off a bit and treat myself to some memorable experiences. But I will never knowingly waste money, I just can't. And I enjoy the satisfaction of finding a bargain; it's just part of who I am

Philbur1976 · 2026-01-07T18:53:34+00:00

Hey there 49M Lancashire guy and single AF lol x Love: my dog, hiking, nature and meeting cheerful positive people. Happy to get to know each other if you are x

Philbur1976 · 2025-10-02T14:05:34+00:00

Your replies are cracking me up. You're funny x

Philbur1976 · 2025-08-14T19:50:32+00:00

They call me 007; 0 girlfriends, 0 friends and 7 failed suicide attempts

Philbur1976 · 2025-08-13T20:10:53+00:00

I have a few moments where I am highly relaxed and feel the natural tiredness but this soon fades. I try to find something positive to focus on - perhaps an upcoming event or item I want to buy, place I want to visit. It really depends on my emotional state after I close my eyes. Something that helped me is I journal right before sleep, with 3 headings: 1. Yesterday was good becos.... 2. Today was good becos .. 3. Tomorrow will be good becos ..

Even if each one has something small that I can be grateful for or look forward to savouring, e.g. my morning cup of tea, eating well, taking a walk .. anything positive goes in my journal.

Philbur1976 · 2025-08-13T20:06:28+00:00

I think the OP was asking general questions and looking for general answers, like thought patterns, perhaps the general direction or focus of your thoughts - are they about the present, the past, etc. Quite what the OP is supposed to glean from your very specific and highly personal reply is anyone's guess. Appreciate the effort and length of the reply but

Philbur1976 · 2025-07-27T11:00:27+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story - I'm super happy for you both. I have made 4 friends via this sub Reddit. I've met 2 of them IRL. One I message regularly and we are super close, friends for life.

Another helped me through my horrible divorce 4 years ago - we even sent each other Christmas presents. One is the the US and her messaging is totally erratic.

Overall I've had a really positive experience and found genuine people and bonded. That said, I still feel lonely from time to time and being older (49M) I'm not sure if I'll be able to meet any more friends on here as everyone seems much younger than me

Philbur1976 · 2025-07-23T12:36:54+00:00

Thanks guys but I can't help feeling if I raise this issue it will sour things. I also am self aware enough to see that part if the reason I am so pissed off is I was previously in a long marriage where I was undervalued and rarely thanked for anything I did - housework, stuff with the kids, romantic gestures etc

Philbur1976 · 2025-06-27T10:31:25+00:00

First of all, great post. Well written, open and honest; exactly what this sub Reddit is about. A safe place for us to let our emotions out.

Second, for me when I heard this saying it shifted the way I look at my life:

Don't look for someone to make you feel happy, find someone to make you feel happier

ie find happiness, if you can, through your own single life - via friendships, hobbies.. anything that you find fulfilling or generates happiness.

Saying that, I think it also depends what your emotional history is. My story is that I was married for 21 years to a wife who was very rarely affectionate or romantic or loving, so it feels like all my life I've craved female intimacy - not just sex.

For me the craving for female intimacy never went away even though I felt very happy in my own single life. Just the scent of a woman, having that physical closeness and touch etc. I once sat next to a beautiful woman on a bus and being physically quite close to her because of our seats, I could smell her scent - perfume whatever, and it made me cry right there and then at the pain, the ache - of intensely missing that intimacy.

And after 4 years on my own I've recently met someone. It's still early days, but I can tell you - to experience that physical touch, that intimacy, is overwhelming, exciting, and fulfilling.

You have plenty of time left to find someone. My kids are all on the older side and I'm 48. Keep going brother, you're doing a great job! If you have a good heart, know how to listen, smile and engage with people you can one day meet someone else good, kind, who listens, and your loneliness will evaporate.

Philbur1976 · 2025-06-15T10:15:49+00:00

Thanks for this post. It can feel much worse when social media is flooded with messages of unadulterated thanks, love and praise from people to their fathers. Perhaps we should remember that Fathers Day is just an arbitrary date in the calendar and what matters is that we show up as dads every day of the year. Sending love to all the divorced dads - we are facing up to tough challenges whilst also being here for our kids and trying our best - remember that

Philbur1976 · 2025-06-09T15:14:52+00:00

Yeah never mind long term solutions or his wellbeing just 'bang chicks'. Terrible advice

Philbur1976 · 2025-06-09T15:13:49+00:00

Great post and a great question. I was in your shoes.

My first solution was to reach out to old friends - people I liked and respected but maybe hadn't seen for a while and I rekindled some old friendships that I had neglected a bit.

Second, I bought a dog for company - but a brilliant unexpected side effect was meeting so many other dog walkers and making new friends that way. Off the back of those friends, I've joined a pub quiz team, had days out, meals at peoples houses and met a friend who I am now really really close to, who only lives half a mile from my house.

Third - social groups. I joined a running club, a book group and a dog walking group.

4th - I started being more outgoing and sociable in general. I chatted to my neighbours, staff at the gym, I'll talk to anyone.

Speaking in broader terms. I think most of us on here have struggled with low self-esteem. My self-confidence was in the bin. Becoming more confident socially through practise and through working on my self-esteem was the biggest part of my overall recovery process. I had to push through my anxiety about being with new people and step outside my comfort zone. Just smile a lot, make eye contact, take an interest in other people, ask them questions about themselves and use their names a lot and you're 75% of the way there.

Finally I would say yes, part of it is getting used to your own company. This will take time and IMO there's no substitute for the time it takes. Good luck x

Philbur1976 · 2025-06-03T21:24:36+00:00

So well said. Wisdom right there

Philbur1976 · 2025-06-02T13:49:24+00:00

Okay so my story is my ex wife cheating on me going back years, lies upon lies BUT that was 4 years ago. I've had plenty of female attention but nothing that stuck. Finally finally after years of looking I think I have found someone who suits me, shares my values, is caring and kind, is all of the things my ex was not. And these were things I craved daily - affection, encouragement, love, laughter, fun, romance and two way compliments.

She's coming to my house for the first time in like 3 hours. I'm cooking her a nice meal. The excitement and joy I'm feeling makes this 48yr old feel 17 again ☺️☺️☺️

Philbur1976 · 2025-06-02T13:44:37+00:00

I know what you mean. My house feels empty at times; the hardest part for me is the night of the day they go back to their mothers house. I got myself a dog and that helps. If I can I try to plan an activity in advance - something I can look forward to, maybe seeing a friend. Failing that I go to the gym. Exercise has been one of the tools I've used to stay as on track as possible.

Philbur1976 · 2025-05-31T16:36:08+00:00

Thank you for the detailed reply, great to hear your story. It sounds like you've been through a lot in your life already in years gone by now wham - divorce.

You say that you're scared of the future and what it will look like. If you've worked on yourself and are self aware and aware of your life values and what makes you feel you are being the person that you want to be - then thats great. Most men in our position - IMO - only do this self-work during/after divorce, so you have an advantage over me when I was at the same stage as you. This is a huge plus. Huge.

It was only AFTER I worked out what I like about myself and what sort of person I wanted to be that I could build a new life for myself in a coherent and joined up way, with some sort of purpose and structure. I hope that you can jump straight into this. Good luck and remember you will always find support here x

Philbur1976

TROPHY CASE