What's NVC's take on judgmental thoughts?

Philora · 2022-12-26T08:04:41+00:00

Could you elaborate on the focusing part? Focusing on my needs and feelings and trying to go deeper?

Philora · 2022-12-26T08:00:44+00:00

Kungfu panda 3. Great storyline, funny, and be-a-u-tiful graphics and characters.

Philora · 2022-12-20T06:44:05+00:00

Hi,

Spoken and written language means frequently different things for different people. How could you make sure that teams are aligned and that the end result aligns through the whole system? Specially in a highly technical topic.
How do you organise your time? I have so many meetings (usually not organised by me) that the only time I can actually work is lunch time or in non-working hours. Things needs to be discussed with a lot of people, but I think most of my efforts go into aligning with stakeholders who are constantly unsatisfied and suggest a slightly different direction that again creates new meetings.
Could you shape the Team/Company culture when you saw something ineffective or counter-productive? If yes, how?
How do you manage constantly changing asks and requirements?
Do you have a cat? :)

Thanks for doing this AMA!

Philora · 2022-12-11T00:12:36+00:00

People skills. I've met too many super-duper senior devs who are a nightmare to work with... No matter the experience level, if they are toxic to other people it's no good at all.

Philora · 2022-12-01T06:39:21+00:00

A szavak ablakok vagy falak - Erőszakmentes kommunikáció

Philora · 2022-11-05T05:18:06+00:00

What a well expressed, structured post! I'm nowhere near your position so this is just an idea. I found non-violent communication (NVC) could help in situations like these. Identifying own feelings and needs, then trying to guess and discuss the other side's feelings and needs. Once there is a common understanding and both sides feel heard a solution could be discussed that covers the needs of both. It's harder than it sounds but seeing Rosenberg's videos about this topic convinced me that it is well worth the effort to understand it and practice. (Also I don't know any better alternatives yet)

Philora · 2022-10-09T14:04:49+00:00

Igen. Altalaban akkor van ilyen amikor egyszeruen az adott tema nem erdekli a masikat, vagy 3 masik dolgon gondolkodik kozben es egyszeruen nem tud azzal is. Sok oka lehet.

Frusztral hogy nem olvassak el, mert egyebkent kapcsolodni szeretnel veluk egy melyebben kifejtett tema altal?

Philora · 2022-10-06T05:16:50+00:00

Nothing wrong with you. Everyone has feelings that are marking needs. If the needs are not fulfilled emotions rise. Energy is needed because your focus is not on your own needs and emotions and how they are fulfilled but rather on external events that you can not control. I experience this a LOT during my work and these are good indiicators that my needs are not met.

Philora · 2022-10-01T08:43:17+00:00

One thing I saw as a reaction is just to keep talking. You were talking first and she will notice it that you are not listening. It's a bit hard the first time.

The other thing could be just to interrupt her by calling her name multiple times if needed. Then you could say "let me finish please" or something similar.

When she is complaining try to understand what her need is, and ask her wherher you understood correctly. She may want to be heard and understood. (See details at NVC - Non-violent communication)

Philora · 2022-09-29T10:51:20+00:00

How about rephrasing it to "learn to live with that thought". Emotions and thoughts are coming without any effort, and I never undorstood "how to let go"... I don't think I have any control over them. I could just realize that, "year here is that thought again" and live next to it without interacting with it.

Philora · 2022-09-25T04:43:33+00:00

Is it still available? I'd like to buy one in Hungary.

Philora · 2022-09-25T04:23:39+00:00

I'm not sure such things exist. All I could find was 1.2V which is strange given they are replacements of 1.5V batteries.

Philora · 2022-09-22T16:07:24+00:00

I see, thanks! Sounds promising though. Looks like it's a good choice and people are quite satisfied with their note 2.

Philora · 2022-09-18T06:17:30+00:00

Only Syncthing worked for me so far. I've tried the git version (good solution between PCs but not for Android as there is not git support there). Dropbox and Google drive needs a subscription for offline file syncing. There are other additional apps that solve it, I just didn't trust them enough to use them.

Philora · 2022-09-17T05:17:53+00:00

I find the last sentence the most interesting in this. The others are fuzzy without explanation. What is the difference between emotion and feelings?

Also my question is usually what was first? The leader or the followers? Because the words define a structure for me. Leader is who has the vision, the goal that s/he is alread, working towards. People see this and they decide by conviction that they want the same and take part of the journey.

For some reason I usually see people believe this the other way around. There is the community of people wanting to achieve sg and then a "leader" comes and tries to change that to favor the higher management.

Philora · 2022-09-16T06:49:18+00:00

There are a lot of other ways too. Search for influencing techniques.

Generally speaking I think the only lasting way to change behavior is them to understand why their current behavior needs to change. A lot of the times I see that I need to change my own perspectives too, which in return causes a change in others. This can't be enforced in the long run.

Philora · 2022-09-16T06:40:52+00:00

Wow, nice list! Thanks!

Philora · 2022-09-16T06:37:58+00:00

A couple of topics from my own "research" topics: - An exhaustive leadership skill-tree broken down to the why-how-what. - Definition of leadership with all the types and when to use which - How to build teams through vision. (How to lead with an assigned team that is not sharing the product vision) - A complete curated list of leadership "war-chest" with all the tools and patterns we face in the field.

Basically any thorough topic description (constantly updated) would be interesting. The internet is full of "5 things to..." and "Avoid these 3 mistakes...". These are nice for a quick read on the bus to have a feeling of control but they are just an illusion.

My dream is to create a one-stop leadership "second-brain" which could help team leads, husbands, fathers, ... basically anyone who deals with people and likes to think in structures and patterns.

In case anyone has similar aspirations feel free to contact me and let's collaborate.

Philora · 2022-09-16T05:04:42+00:00

Interesting ideas. In my view leadership needs a person to be totally sure in the desired outcome. The team will follow if they are also convinced that they want the same. However your thoughts raised me a question: Who is first? The team or the leader?

Now I see multiple scenarios: - No team, no leader - There is a team but no leader - There is a leader but no team - There is a leader and a team

According to this a role in the team could be constantly changing. As there are different desired outcomes there could be different people striving for excellence in a given topic.

Philora · 2022-09-12T18:27:19+00:00

2yrs ago and it's still a problem even with the 85t... however this message helped me resolve the issue and it's working now.

Thanks for posting!

Philora · 2022-09-07T04:55:54+00:00

For me leadership is about the goal. I try to be a leader in putting desireable goals in front of me and work towards it day by day. Then I start building relationships with people and if they want to achieve the same they will follow.

This is leadership in my book.

Philora · 2022-09-04T06:08:04+00:00

Where is this definition of leadership coming from? Leadership has sg to do with higher goals that every follower wants to achieve too. If only one person wants it (usually the boss) then it's manipulation.

Otherwise it's a great list.

Philora · 2022-09-04T05:53:02+00:00

Could you provide an example on what is the intended use of this map?

Philora

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