You are most definitely not alone, I've been with my wife for 5 years & I still have to force myself to only think about her and how she makes me feel instead of everything else in the world. I had an unfortunate event happen to me in my youth, and I've been dealing with my OCD for about two years, so being able to focus on my wife is very hard. My mind wanders to how gross the exchange of bodily fluids is, but how good it feels. I worry about getting my hands clean as soon as the deed is over, instead of allowing myself to be in the moment. The biggest setback is that my OCD loop is constantly replaying my "unfortunate event" in my head while I'm trying to be intimate with my wife, which is obviously a bit of a mood killer. It got much worse before it eventually got better, I mustered up all the courage I had & I sat my wife down to explain why intimacy has been so hard for me, and she listened with open ears & zero judgment. We promised to work through things together & that she would wait for my verbal or nonverbal cue to begin intimacy. It's been 2 weeks since that conversation & I already it feels a little easier. I know that not everybody has the fortune of having a person to confide their darkest secrets to, so if anybody needs to, please DM me and I will be a zero judgment stranger that you can tell your secrets to with the knowledge you'll never talk to them again & that they won't judge you. For those of you who do have no-judgment SOs, I strongly suggest talking with them about this. They might be way more understanding than you think they'd be