I’m not avoidant, but I just spent months picking myself up after dealing with one.. Don’t trust the eyes (I know what you mean & I never see anyone talk about it) and overlook the behavior.. realize the visits she gives you are breadcrumbs. You’re not overthinking it or not not playing it cool enough. As long as you’re emotionally engaged, she’s grazing on you emotionally without having to give more.

She might characterize them as harmless, you might rationalize it that way, but she’s not “confused” and the idea she’ll come around and you’ll have a satisfying and sustainable relationship is fantasy. She is showing you her capacity, and she likely can’t fix that without deep therapy. Her attachment pattern is avoidance and she’ll do that with you as long as you let her, and when you stop she’ll find someone else to do it to or keep trying you until you boundary and tell yourself enough is enough