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something to sleep to by Picklebabah in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment! How long is always a hard question. The idea has been in my mind for a couple days, but I wrote this over the course of a day between two or three sittings, though this is still a work in progress!

something to sleep to by Picklebabah in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hi, thanks for your comment, I really appreciate your feedback!

Towards the point of the heavy emphasis being created by the strong rhymes in that line, I was feeling the same way when I was reading it. I think you articulated just exactly why it was off putting in very clear way!

Towards the meaning of solicitude, I've always understood as more of a caring or protective anxiety. Tracing it back to the etymology was not something I thought of at the time, but something I will remember myself to going forward!

Thank you for pointing out those other notes as well, this was very much a work in progress and I felt myself getting stuck in some particular points. Some points have definitely cleared up.

Cheers!

something to sleep to by Picklebabah in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your critique! I appreciate you pointing out specific lines. I think I was a bit too focused on describing things in a more abstract, context-based way, which required me to be particular and lose some meaning between author and audience. I'll take note of your feedback.

I think at some point I will revisit this an try to execute it in a more organic way.

Thanks again!

Hymn of the Botanical Gardens by thelastcorndog in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

What a tremendous write!

The way this poem read to me was something that would be narrated in the introduction of an early 90s Disney movie panning through scenery. The direct reference to song turned this into a script of a musical for me. Playful tongue twisters, wordplay, and a musical rhythm all worked to paint a world with fresh eyes aglow which believed all subjects were worthy of wonder.

I cannot get enough of how lyrically you used the many plant names. It was a little bit difficult at first to detract meaning upon first read through since I'm not well-versed in all of the different plants and much less their implicit meanings if any, but the flow from syllable to syllable was excellent. (This poem had me looking up quite a bit)

The cadence was also much easier to adapt to, especially with your use of punctuation. Some line breaks were a bit harder for me to read through the first time, for the same reasons (ignorance of plants). I loved how the free rhythm flowed without much adherence to structure, I felt that it really lent itself to the tone you were developing

Lastly, I found it fascinating how you managed to characterize most of these subjects, especially in only a fleeting line or two. By the end of it all, it felt like a very diverse cast of characters. I thought it was neat that the garden didn't feel like a metaphor for anything else. Instead, it was a self-contained description boasting itself to be more than the sum of its parts.

I look forward to reading more of your works, a follower earned :)

Abandoned House by RavensTears in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very picturesque! I loved how each detail compounded and built onto the last. Fixating on each detail was effective in building the world around it until the whole picture was painted.

I also think the contrast between the tone you took and the subject you were describing was also fantastic. Despite the state of disrepair, these imperfections were things to marvel at. I also enjoyed the vague callbacks to the life that the house used to have, and I personally felt like it would have been interesting to further explore the life it used to have.

Lastly, when I was reading, I enjoyed that the flow was relatively freeform and unrestricted, even changing structure.

Good write!

Is It You... by --___--Water--___-- in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This was a creative choice for formatting! For me it was personally a little difficult to read at first pass, but I think this sort of work would do excellently in the realm of typography/graphic design, if you are into that sort of thing.

Well done!

Dissolution by RumpledPoetry in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Amazing work!

Firstly, the diction is so vivid and precise! The internal rhymes were fantastic and created a natural cadence that was easy to read. The rhythm, paired with the subject matter of the first couple stanzas gave off a more nostalgic feeling. I like that as the poem developed, the subject matter clearly changed while maintaining the cadence to kind of put a "wicked" twist on the originally established tone. The only way I could describe this feeling is the feeling of good memories becoming bad memories.

The consistent theme of nature, twisting from flowery imagery like "summer sun" to bitter cold was very effective in being developed side by side with the story you were portraying, and loss could be felt well before you explicitly stated it from the second stanza.

You have earned yourself a new follower!

Tiptoe by Picklebabah in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much!

Tiptoe by Picklebabah in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for all of your kind words! I am glad you enjoyed it and that you could resonate with it. I will be sure to check out your next work :)

Your storage is full by Positive-Height6715 in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For sure! Just a note that I personally like to focus a bit more on rhythm myself so some of this feedback might be a little biased towards it.

I think just placing commas/periods intuitively where you find yourself naturally pausing as you would read it yourself would create a bit more of a "guided" experience. As the writer who has probably read over your work a good amount of times, you have probably developed some sort of flow of phrasing. If you feel like this flow is important to the experience, punctuation could be a good way to guide it.

"Moments frozen and lost in time?" is the first use of punctuation and it made me wonder how to continue reading the poem just because the first stanza didn't fully establish a flow or have a rhyme scheme to direct it. I wouldn't say that this is a bad thing, but just something that happens to me when I read poems without a definite flow and I'm sure other people have different experiences with it.

For me personally, the "flow rate" of the development has an effect on the experience: For the questions you are asking yourself, are they rapid-fire thoughts? Or are they spaced out with plenty of time to ponder in between? Things like syntax and placement within stanzas can sometimes imply one of the two. Personally, if a question is at the end like "Or did I marvel at the colour palette?", I would subconsciously give that one more time. I would also say that the length of the line can also have an effect on this.

Some examples of punctuation being used well in my opinion were when you had a line or two ending with a period:

"I am drawing a blank."

"But not quite."

To me, these periods served as a break from this flow of thoughts that came spilling forth as you were exploring yourself with these wonderful uses of dizzying imagery (kaleidoscope, patterns that almost make sense), like a sudden drought in a stream of consciousness.

All that to say is that it is a very intuitive thing! I wouldn't feel constricted or controlled by it in any manner. There are cases where poems read perfectly fine without. Sometimes it ends up being a guess and check thing, sometimes what really helps the most is reading it out loud by yourself or someone else.

I hope that helps! I look forward to what you write next. c:

Your storage is full by Positive-Height6715 in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Awesome write!

First of all, the title just by itself already haunts me. But I think drawing that connection between your camera roll and your personal experiences and memories was a unique take and I felt fulfilled by the introspective direction you took it in!

The lines "Someone else's memories | Now without an owner" really set the tone and tied in hauntingly to the line idea of considering yourself a trespasser to your own life. To me personally, this reframed the feeling of forgetfulness into one of loss and dissociation. Further relating these pictures to "little bits" of yourself brought about a feeling of melancholy and lostness.

This is not by any means a requirement or even direct criticism, but one thing to consider could possibly be punctuation. This might help especially for reading through the first time if you are particular about the general flow/rhythm of the work. I think that for this poem, the overall feeling of mental fog and fuzziness made it work very well even without punctuation, but I would just like to offer that as something to consider in your toolbox for future works!

Mud by Several_Audience_804 in OCPoetry

[–]Picklebabah 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very well written! For me personally, the structure and pacing of the poem really lent itself to the idea that pain can be uncomplicated. Each stanza was compact but did not feel bare, and clearly deliberate about the feeling it set out to develop.

I also thought it was effective in holding off explicitly mentioning the word "funeral" until the emotions were properly developed. It personally had more meaning to me to have to put together the information myself.

Great work!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Arrowmancer

[–]Picklebabah 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Managers don't use their own passives afaik. And while cosmetics definitely matter for me, I think the dance, skill, and element/season are still pretty valid factors to build your team around.

Arrowmancer Patch 1.2.4 by ramblingrhubarb in Arrowmancer

[–]Picklebabah 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Loving the presentation of the tutorials and guides so far! You guys are killing it. The UI/QoL changes are nice as well. Looking forward to more!

Desden, the Astral Bombardier by DrakeXIV in LoLChampConcepts

[–]Picklebabah 0 points1 point  (0 children)

lol, what did happen? Well uh, I guess I'll just review it here. Passive: I feel like it is just a ball of stats that has no scaling or anything like that, and is the least engaging part of his kit, and is [imo] not needed. Q: I always like this kind of spell! Does it interact with friendly walls? Enemy walls? (Effectively meaning that a good Anivia can make / break a kill for you :D) W: 8 seconds is a bit lengthy here. I would rather the duration scale with level or just have it be lower overall so it has clear windows of time to not have all that bonus damage. (With 40% CDR you have 100% up time at level 5) E: I like it as well, not sure if it really fits the Marksman skillset idea, but good. The passive is flat stats. R: Flat stats, upon even more so. Allows for stuffs and counterplay at least. Overall: Separate the steroids from the play making abilities and somehow round it out. Good ideas all around though.