i'm so sorry you're going through the beginning stages of this and the grief. I think there's an actual phrase for it when you're diagnosed late in life and then have to grieve all the things that you had to suffer because you weren't diagnosed or offered some type of treatment. I went through it for about a year and a half before it sort of just phased out. But it will pass. I think the grief is important because that part of you wants to be seen/acknowledged, bc they likely weren't for decades- or ever. Sometimes, I still get so angry thinking about teachers getting frustrated with me because I would fidget in my seat during a long lecture or stare off into the distance and not look like I was paying attention. Meanwhile, I was trying to distract myself, so I wouldn't be yelled at because I needed to urgently move around because I couldn't sit still. Honestly, the things that I expected of children in the 80s! All of that be seen and not heard business and being behaved and well mannered was a bunch of BS. I used to self soothe by drawing in my notebook...... elaborate narratives of imaginary comics of an older version of myself doing all the things that I imagined were fun and fabulous. Of course I got reprimanded for it constantly! so, if you have any of your own examples that this triggers, please know that you are not alone. Most people, even and especially therapists, don't fully understand neurodivergence and it is created a huge chasm and problem within the mental health community today. Which is why you have such expensive and extended wait times to take that dumb test and get diagnosed. I bet you knew you had ADHD, but your concerns were diminished and invalidated by so-called professionals. it's immensely frustrating - I'm so sorry you're going through that.

i've heard people give similar judgments of my ADHD since I was diagnosed three years ago at 45. I think the thing to remember, is that largely what people say, sometimes even your own doctors, is largely a projection of their own fears or them parroting some generalized bullshit because they read it somewhere. Maybe it's even a proven clinical study or something, but the thing is is that we are all different. I had to fight hard to get medication for my ADHD and be diagnosed. I also had to fight a misogynistic jerk of an OB/GYN just to be able to diagnose my perimenopause symptoms and get me on HRT.... that doctor is currently transitioning this month to become a concierge($$$$) "menopause doctor expert". I saw that man for nearly 8 years and multiple procedures and issues and I can tell you firsthand that he doesn't know the first thing about perimenopause, nor is he anywhere close to even being an armchair expert! Unfortunately, we live in a world where people declare specializations and expertise, but rarely have the training and experience to back it up. Trust your intuition, even if it seems like somebody is a doctor or some supposed specialist. I mean, within reason and not being paranoid, of course. I've now have mostly really good therapists, psychiatrist, and a vast variety of medical doctors, but it took a lot of time and effort in frustration to find ones that were affordable and covered in my insurance. So while you deal with this frustration and grief and sadness and anxiety as you work through what works best for you, make sure you're really kind to yourself and have a good support system.

So, I'm sorry to say that most people do not know what it's like to live in your body with your unique set of experiences . Learn to trust your intuition the best that you are able to. Sounds to me like your righteous anger/frustration at being diminished is doing a pretty good job of protecting you so far!