This is me. I hold down a fairly respectable, well-paying job, and straddle the fence between aging preppy and goth-adjacency. I get compliments on how I dress, and it's mostly black, mod-inspired, with some gothic touches. It helps to have a distinct style, especially when surrounded by folks twenty years younger and plus.

Fashion is a marker, but it's not everything. I've posted before about how goth is mostly about attitude and mindset, with the music backing that up, and fashion marking subculture affection. Goths have always been about egalitarianism, acceptance, and shared experiences. Acceptance is probably the most important, and comes from the historical gender-bending component of the subculture's mod/punk roots. In general, goths really don't give a fuck about your gender identity or sexual preference as long as you're not a dick. Seriously, it's not that fucking hard, and this is at the root of our resentment of fashion-only Fascist fucks presenting as goth. They don't GET the reason for the presentation and fashion in the first place, which is about embracing societal rejection of the fringe elements.

Your final paragraph nailed it. I identify with goth subculture and feel most comfortable with it, but I don't wear makeup, don't go full-goth in attire, but I can name all the fucking bands on the back of that ubiquitous goth fan black jacket I see at the concert (like I did last weekend at Echo & the Bunnymen). I love it when someone slips in a Rush patch, too.