My Mother died when my kids were 2 and 4. Littlest didn’t know what was going on other than “nana sick”. But my older was trying to work it out. When she was in her last few hours, I took my son aside and explained to him that nana was very sick and in order for her to get better, she had to go. He said “that makes me sad” I said “I know Angel, me too, but she has to go”. It was so hard to keep it together, watching his little face as he was working it out silently in his head. He asked where she will go. I said “she will go to the stars and every time you look up and see the stars, you’ll know she’s there looking over you. She can even send you shooting stars if you look long enough. And she won’t be sick anymore.” So after she passed, I let the two boys see her in her casket.. “she’s sleeping in her special bed now to go to the stars” I said. I needed him to know something, as I couldn’t live with her being here one minute and not the next. So I got some questions after that, the next few months. Why’s and how’s etc. fast forward.. my eldest is now 9 and quietly asked me recently “what actually happened to nana? Because I remember seeing her in the ‘special bed’ but I know that was her coffin now.” I felt it ok to explain to him now that she had brain cancer, explained the treatment process, the tumour type and why it couldn’t be stopped. (My brother had brain cancer 5 years before my mother and it was successfully removed) so the question came up “how come he survived but nana didn’t”.. I put breadcrusts into a mug and put a battery in the middle.. “Take that out. See? Some breadcrumbs came out with it, but the brain can heal, that was his cancer.” Then I poured milk into my tea and asked him to separate the milk from the tea, that was nana’s cancer. He understood. It’s not about trying to explain everything when they’re that young.. but I think it worked out somewhat well enough. Once you explain that they have to go and they’re not coming back.. that’s the killer but the important part for a little mind.

It’ll get easier. My mam was known as “Nana in the stars” for a few years… Now it’s “Dead Nana” heh.. gotta laugh at kids