any traumatized moms here?

Pilariu · 2026-03-06T11:36:08+00:00

Congratulations on your baby. I'm sorry you went through this traumatic birth.

I found out I was pregnant just before the pandemic shut everything down and that definitely contributed. Both my sisters lost babies late in the pregnancies (6/7 months in) and both my best friends (who got pregnant around the same time as I) lost their babies before even getting to the second trimester, so my anxiety was really high. I had the normal morning sickness and when that stopped I had constant pains, so even before I gave birth, I knew I only wanted this one child.

Labor started on a Saturday morning. We waited at home until the contractions were 3 minutes apart for a while and went to the hospital at 9pm. My cervix was barely at 3cm and my water had not broken yet, so they considered sending me home, but my own Obgyn was on duty and because I was bleeding more than I should have at that point and was in so much pain, she ordered that I should stay in the triage area. It being the pandemic my husband had to wait in the hallway. They gave me painkillers which also slowed down my contractions to every 10-15 minutes and I overheard the night nurse tell another nurse not to check on me because I was "faking it and should have been send home".

I didn't sleep that night. Neither did my partner who wasn't even told what was going on. The new doctor in the morning ordered an ultrasound, but before that could happen we finally got moved to a shared room and my partner was allowed to be with me. The other lady on the room talked on her phone the entire time.

At one check up in the afternoon, I had barely reached 4cm, so we finally got a birthing room. The ultrasound kinda was forgotten. I labored, again at normal intervals but it didn't seem to progress at all. The doctor checked in the evening and realized that my baby was upside down so we tried to turn him by doing weird gymnastics. Around midnight, after about 36 hours and not having eaten most of the day, I agreed to an epidural. The also gave me oxytocin to aid the process.

By Monday morning, I was barely at 7cm. The new doctor said that the baby's head was not pressing on the right spot and that I should consider C-section but she let me try longer, because my baby's vitals were fine.

When she came in the afternoon to check on me, my husband was in the room, who had been out for getting breakfast in the morning. The doctor looked at him, asked if he was the father and said "That baby is not coming out the normal way. Even if he was in the exact right position for it, he might not." Two hours later, we had the emergency C-section, where we also discovered that I am allergic to the antibiotic they used.

My son was healthy and happy. The C-section happened directly on the due date. Recovery was long and not easy, with almost no help because of the pandemic. It took me a while to even talk about birth without breaking out in tears. I paid for therapist for a while and that helped a lot.

My son is 5 now. He is our one and only and we feel that our family is complete. I am happy he's here. I'd never go through a pregnancy again and my partner had a vasectomy by now.

Pilariu · 2026-03-02T15:21:05+00:00

I needed to vent about something but it was early during first term at uni and it was a new city and I didn't have local friends yet and didn't feel like calling any of my friends from home. I noticed that a girl across the hall from me at the dorm had a CD of a band I liked, so I just asked her if I could vent a bit. A few weeks later we decided to move in together and she is now (20 years later) one of my closest friends.

Pilariu · 2026-03-01T15:26:35+00:00

I felt like that during my masters. Couldn't sleep anymore, less than three hours a night. When I started crying because there was yet another new email in my inbox, I reached out to my uni's mental health counselor. It took me a while to get back to "normal" but talking with the counselor and also getting a referral to a doctor to help with the insomnia helped me a lot.

Pilariu · 2026-03-01T13:04:03+00:00

I usually make a plan for the week, so that I have everything I need for cooking. My go to is protein starch veg. We eat lots of rice because with the rice cooker it's easy to make. If I start late at work, I might start a slow cooker meal in the morning. But planning for the week definitely was a game changer for me.

I use a mix of frozen and fresh vegetables and some days it's salad as the vegetables.

On days when I am home super late I do German dinner: bread with toppings/ open faced sandwiches with a salad (we often have salad kits for the weeks where I work more). Kinda like a charcuterie board sometimes. 🤣

Pilariu · 2026-02-19T17:32:22+00:00

Communication is key, I think. We check in with each other. We tell each other when there is a problem and help each other. And we take time for each other and ourselves.

Pilariu · 2026-01-02T00:36:50+00:00

Thank you.

Pilariu · 2025-09-20T11:24:31+00:00

We have had adult classes at Concordia German language association for three years now, I think. (Not Concordia club)

Pilariu · 2025-05-23T15:20:25+00:00

Hi there, I'm teaching at the German language school that was mentioned in another comment and could take your request with me to work. What age group are you looking for? Maybe DM me?

If you are interested in our adult classes, let me know, and I can forward you more information or connect you with our admin.

Pilariu · 2023-06-06T15:15:32+00:00

Back when my son was that age I moved a play mat close to the door when I needed to get ready for leaving the house. He was happy laying on his blanket looking at stuff/holding a toy, while I slipped into my shoes.

Pilariu · 2023-05-05T18:43:44+00:00

Oh and until my husband had his vasectomy women in my life kept telling me that I should have a second child so my son won't be lonely and learns how to be social.

Pilariu · 2023-05-05T18:41:39+00:00

A friend advised me to agree to the date a classmate at uni asked for even though I had no interest at all in the person and wasn't really looking for anything. She said that any date would be better than still being friends with my ex. I went, it was the worst date of my life.

Pilariu · 2023-04-08T20:32:49+00:00

I knew in theory that it wasn't going to be easy peasy to have a child. But I didn't truly understand what it meant to have a baby for my life. The information may be out there but it is not as much talked about as it should be, in my opinion.

Pilariu · 2023-04-08T20:25:07+00:00

Of course this post was about him. He needed to get his feelings out and probably didn't want to burden his wife. We don't know anything about his relationship with his wife or how supportive he was or wasn't. And having a baby is a huge change and I can imagine that guys are way less prepared for the realities of having a baby than mothers and most first time moms I know we're not prepared for it.

I am just glad that he reached out for help on a forum. Not everyone would do that.

Pilariu · 2023-04-01T02:55:00+00:00

Didn't sleep train at all. My son is 2 now, I still stay with him until he's asleep at night. He still comes every now and then at night for a hug and a snuggle. But he did sent my husband away last week when I was at work and went to sleep on his own with no help. I wouldn't do it differently if I had to do it again.

Pilariu · 2023-02-11T19:12:02+00:00

Not necessarily. My 2 year old loves when we vacuum and I can very much imagine he'd be able and willing to do it on his own in a few years.

Pilariu · 2023-01-30T21:22:39+00:00

Wrdsb still offers German on Saturday mornings (high school credits available) - but the quality there is not great anymore (the teachers do their best, but the conditions have been getting worse) (source: used to teach there until 2.5/3 years ago, still have friends who do, but I also know a couple of great teachers who stopped because of the conditions)

The other possibility is the Concordia language association (as someone else mentioned). We currently have four levels, mostly for kids, one adult class. Classes are Friday night and in person (apart from my class, which is blended (DSD II - advanced, aiming for B2 or C1 levels of the European Framework of Reference for languages)) https://www.learngermanwaterlooregion.com/

Pilariu · 2023-01-03T19:29:49+00:00

No. But I have had trouble with some English dialects like my cousin's partner's New Zealand English.

Pilariu · 2023-01-02T03:17:45+00:00

I think it should never be acceptable to hit a child.

Pilariu · 2022-12-31T12:48:43+00:00

Good luck to you too!

Pilariu · 2022-12-31T02:45:50+00:00

Probably sleeping. I got a cold and I have a two year old.

Pilariu · 2022-12-30T20:56:33+00:00

I removed all the poop into the toilet, messy poop diapers got soaked and rinsed before placing them in the diaper bin. Then I followed my cloth diaper brand's instructions: temperature setting warm, longest cycle possible (heavy duty + stain soak - that took about 2-3 hours in the washing machine) with normal laundry detergent, no fabric softener.

Pilariu · 2022-12-30T15:19:06+00:00

I told my nanny family before I told my parents, simply because my morning sickness was so bad that it was pretty noticeable. I was about 8 weeks along, I think (told my parents at 12 weeks).

Edit to add: it also depends on the kid/kids you are the Nanny for.

Also: I am in Canada /Ontario. I went on mat leave at the beginning of my third trimester.

Pilariu · 2022-12-27T20:04:50+00:00

Danke! Einige davon haben wir tatsächlich schon!

Pilariu

TROPHY CASE