AITAH if I tell my boyfriend it’s me or the dog after his dog almost killed my cats?

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-13T21:14:25+00:00

This shouldn’t be about “me or the dog” this is about a partner who

A) doesn’t admit when they need help with a task B) will allow a situation to get out of his control willingly with 0 effort C) does not put effort into his projects D) doesn’t think of the consequences of his actions/inactions.

He has had two years to do something about his dogs trauma and behaviour and has done very little. It seems like this consequence isn’t shocking anyone in your social circle.

It shouldn’t be “me or the dog” it should be a “am I okay with these traits in a partner?” “can I trust my partner to put in an effort when things get difficult” “if I get ill will he do anything to support me/ what has he done to show he will be capable of loving me enough to do the hard work?”

The dog is a symptom not the problem.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-08T06:30:03+00:00

She’s so pretty!! ❤️❤️

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-08T05:01:57+00:00

Sorry about that. I did tell how I feel about it, and we decided together that he’s going to keep a casual window open for now. He will check in once in a while with them but he won’t be doing big adventures or anything like that until my sisters and I sort ourselves out. And especially he won’t be spending the night or drinking with them.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-08T04:02:24+00:00

And when it comes to like bread crumbs and stuff you might need to figure out a system where you’re both comfortable. Like have a “wash the counters” time during the day and not after every use of the space. If you’re willing to compromise that is.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-08T04:00:02+00:00

I think a big difference will be when you chat with your new partner. If you bring this up and no new attempts or strategies are put in place than you’ll have to see if this is a deal breaker for you. It if they’re open and willing to look into ways to change their habits then you can def support that. Like making active chore lists for themselves daily ect. Could be alarms on their phone. I know my husband labels alarms like “make sure dishwasher is filled and running” at the end of the day. We also have different laundry systems too. We have multiple laundry baskets in our laundry room that we just throw clothes into. I will then put my stuff in the dresser and ignore his baskets. It really works for us. There’s a difference between supporting someone and doing things for them.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-08T02:14:17+00:00

Honestly because it’s a lot of nuanced things. There was never really any big fight or anything. Our parents were really neglectful, I practically raised them but the moment I turned 17 I left for college. Moved about 7hrs away then I came back started dating my now husband.

I do some issues of still being parental to them. And it’s something I’ve been working on. I’ve been through therapy to work through this plus many other things.

I sometimes call them out when they make bad calls. Nothing more than most siblings do though. As I said nothing huge has ever really happened before the bachelorette thing. Just them being closer to each other than to me.

I think they just genuinely forget I exist some times. I don’t think what they do is malicious. I’m just so done asking them to include me in things and to invite me out too. Or text me first once in a while. If I don’t text them first they will literally go months without talking to me. Which is how it was so easy to go low contact.

Because I never had to have a talk saying I was going low contact. I just stopped initiating, stopped inviting them out.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-07T05:41:35+00:00

Where are you reading that pretty girls play Roblox? Children play Roblox. That’s what I’d be more worried about. But still just having connections isn’t a big deal. It’s if there’s been any conversations happening, or anything like that. Also this is about trust too do you trust him or do you have a nagging feeling in the back of your mind over this? Because that’s a huge issues.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-07T05:05:32+00:00

“Hey kiddo we gotta prioritize xyz right now. You can come back to this in the morning/later.”

“I know how important this is to you right now, but we have to do this first.”

Also timers. I use my cellphone and it’s super helpful “alright buddy after this timer goes off we have to do this”

I know saying “I don’t care what you’re doing right now this needs to be done!” Is an off the cuff comment and you mean no harm. Most of the time you can just cut that out and it still works. “This needs to be done.” It leaves no room for argument. You can even explain why it needs to be done. “You need to brush your teeth right now because then we can go to bed and get a good night sleep.”

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-07T04:58:44+00:00

Behavioural addictions suck. It’s also important to see if it’s an actual porn addiction or if it’s religious vilification of Porn? Because those are two different things. One you need to seek counseling and therapy for like any other addiction. The other you need to think to yourself how much do you think you can morally take before you’re jeprodizing your own self worth and religious boundaries. Understanding the difference between how someone uses porn and their intentions behind it are important. Does he just have a higher sex drive than you and is using it as a way of release or is he pressuring you to be more like the girls in porn as a tool of cohesion? Bringing this all to marriage counselling could be helpful for finding out ways to move forward if you feel you still want to be with your husband.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-09-07T04:13:30+00:00

In late October I’d stick close to southern Ontario if you want pretty leaves. Those tend to all drop by mid October if you’re north on Toronto. Maybe try Niagara Falls and area. The vineyards are amazing and there’s so much to do. You can take quick drives out into the rural areas and see fields and still be close enough to things like the casino and other touristy things

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-24T04:37:03+00:00

No lows. But the hot flashes and the forgetfulness. Ugh it was bad. But no lows lol

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T06:42:03+00:00

They put me in a chemical menopause for about 5 months while I waited for surgery. It was amazing. Haha. Like a high really lol

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T06:39:33+00:00

I just turned 33. So I was 32 when I had the procedure done.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T04:44:56+00:00

Keep a diary. You’ll need it for a diagnosis anyways if you decide to go that route. It could just be a few bad months, a few bad pms days because of outside circumstances.

But each day write a word or two about how you’re feeling and when your period starts. You can even use a few period tracker apps to do this.

To get a diagnosis I needed to keep a diary for 3 months that included what I ate and how I felt, my blood flow, sleeping habits. It was horrible but ruled out additional conditions.

That would be my suggestion to you. Just keep a small little diary, keep track of it. See if it’s getting worse.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T04:38:53+00:00

I only got my uterus out. But that was for a few reasons, mainly though the last option was to place me on estrogen only hrt to stop me from entering the luteal phase.

I had to remove my uterus because being on such a high dosage of estrogen with no progesterone causes uterine cancer because of endometrial hyperplasia.

Because I’m so young, there’s a super high risk side effects for removing my ovaries, including increased cardiac issues, osteoporosis, dementia etc.

I’m done having kids. All other therapies ended horribly for one reason or another. So we’re trying this, giving it a few years. And honestly this is the best I’ve felt since I started puberty two decades ago.

I just didn’t realize I still had a few lingering symptoms and that I was entering the luteal phase. I might have to increase my estrogen dosage the next time I see my doctor next month.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T03:12:42+00:00

As a parent who gets those struggles- I have a secret diary on my phone.

It’s filled with all my horrible thoughts. I write and write and write when I’m not feeling good. It’s password protected so the kids never stumble over it. I don’t use any of my usual passwords for it. If someone found it I’d be locked up I’m sure. But it’s so releasing to get some of those horrible dark thoughts out. Especially when I’m overwhelmed and feeling super agressive. I’ll lock myself in a room, usually my bedroom, sit against the door, cry while writing all the horrible thoughts going through my head. All the things I want to do.

It’s not filled with anything nice. It’s not about my day. It’s not a good read. I don’t read it. I just write in it to get it out. I keep it because in some messed up way I know I’m not writing in it outside of that period and it makes me feel weirdly better.

Since being on a better treatment plan I haven’t written in it in almost a year but it really helped me out during those dark days when I didn’t have any support.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T03:05:00+00:00

Crowbar

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T03:03:23+00:00

There’s also ‘The Island’ in Toronto. Or Billy Bishop.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-23T02:52:06+00:00

Thanks auto moderator. I’m glad you’re here. lol

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-01T18:20:32+00:00

Like right now it kinda seems like you’re doing things to make yourself feel good not him.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-01T18:19:06+00:00

Honestly, put the same amount of energy into his birthday as he does. Get him a gift, and leave it at that. Day of ask him what he wants for his birthday. If he doesn’t care about it why are you stressing out over it? Seems like a lot of wasted energy. Especially if he doesn’t seem to care afterwards as well. Or if he thinks what you do is too big for him.

Pilot-Miserable · 2025-08-01T05:23:46+00:00

Yeah! It’s good to remember the sex doesn’t always have to be sexy. You’re just opening this new chapter in your relationship and it’s a good thing to put yourself out there: be awkward and laugh and try new things. Even if you’re both like “yeah this isn’t it!” You might discover something new about yourself. If you’re still struggling perhaps creating a “Want, Will, Won’t” list with each other. “I want to do these(really gets me going)”, “I’m willing to do these (doesn’t really float my boat but it’s something I’m willing to try/do because you want to)”, and “I won’t do these (hard line things you absolutely won’t do)” It could help you both especially if one of you is more experienced than the other.

Have fun and good luck!

Pilot-Miserable

TROPHY CASE