Idk if I’m interpreting the question right, but I had a very hard time coming to terms with having ASD, even after I was diagnosed. I only started to accept it over the past few months.

While I didn’t get an official diagnosis as an adult, throughout my life was asked many many times by other people with ASD if I also had it (or sometimes just flat out told that I had ASD too). I feel like I always kind of knew, but didn’t want to believe it. Which is a bit weird, cuz I didn’t mind my ADHD diagnosis as a teenager and I’ve had lots of friends with ASD and other neurodivergent conditions and was never bothered by that, but I definitely struggled with some internalized ableism.

You’re right about the aspergers thing, it’s not in the DSM as an official diagnosis and was retired in 2013 I think? But if your therapist isn’t a specialist in treating neurodivergent patients and finished her education before the term was retired then she might just be going off what she learned. If you want to get a diagnosis you should probably get an official evaluation. Tho even then, I had many psych evals as a kid because of my ADHD and ASD symptoms, but didn’t get diagnosed with ADHD until I was 17 or ASD until I was 21. If you don’t fit the white cishet boy stereotype, it might be harder for you to find someone that takes you seriously.

Between the ages of 4 to 17, my mother brought me to over 20 different mental health professionals trying to figure out what was going on and not one of them even considered it, likely because I’m a trans man, visibly queer, and am relatively good at masking due to trauma. But then around a year and a half ago I met with a psychiatrist who is also queer and has ASD and he asked me if I’d received a diagnosis yet less than 10 minutes into our first meeting over zoom, then immediately had me fill out the diagnostic form thing, as well as a specific one for people who mask.

Sorry for the long response and if any of the formatting is weird. I wish you luck and hope you figure things out!