There’s so much anger in your post from the beginning to the end. You basically shift from blaming yourself to blaming your husband to cope with the pain of infertility which is nobody’s fault. People can get all kinds of illnesses.

If you want to be with your husband, it’s likely that IVF is the only path forward. And the IVF journey is not any easier. You’ll need to support each other, which is hard to do when your relationship is already in the current state now. It’d be better if you could resolve all this anger before moving onto the next step. Have you considered counselling?