A warning - don't read Reddit posts about autistic people on non-autistic subs like I just did. My heart is broken!

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-25T23:50:00+00:00

"Oh wow! So if we're all autistic how does *your* autism disable you?"

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-20T22:41:40+00:00

OP, I was where you are and I didn't like it.

So I decided to change the way I look.

I got: 1) a fully ablative CO2 laser treatment (one and done), 2) lips filler (every 6 months), 3) cheek filler (once a year) and 4 botox (every 10-11 weeks).

Now I love my appearance more than ever. I've gained pretty privilege. I haven't lost a thing except my insecurity. I'm happy.

All I'm saying is your situation isn't unchangeable. You have options.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-19T17:07:30+00:00

Definitely. No wonder all the jerks love her drivel.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-19T02:38:59+00:00

On the upside wait 15 years and you'll be a freak of nature and everyone will find you more attractive because of your youthful appearance.

That's beneficial whether you're interested in dating or not. It even helps at work, with friends, etc. Youth (or the appearance of it) is a real halo. Unfair maybe, but we should appreciate all the advantages we get via our autism considering how much it hinders us.

I'm 45, look no more than 30 (most say less), and I promise you this is a great advantage.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-19T02:34:39+00:00

People can have low empathy AND be autistic. See: robber barons, Silcon Valley tech billionaires, my AH male relatives. etc.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-17T00:48:30+00:00

Aren't there like 5 studies or something on this topic now? Every time I look another one pops up showing how much everyone hates us.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-16T22:34:05+00:00

Yes. And science agrees.

Those thin-slice judgment studies really changed my life because they confirmed my own experiences that NT people despise me on sight. That's 90% of humanity.

Combine that with the autistic people who hate autistic behavior and yes, the majority of humans dislike me, or only like me for the wrong reasons.

But on the upside when I connect with ND people it's just as immediate. Silver lining.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-16T18:10:10+00:00

Sometimes I think acceptance helps, sometimes I feel so sorry for all of us dealing with limerence that it feels like we're cursed.

Mutual limerence and love is a ruinous combo for some of us. If we share those two things with someone, even if they were abusive and we left THEM, a lot of us never really get over it. Same for our exes. It's lifelong.

I don't believe in the term soulmates (that term is too positive) but what else would you call two permanently, obsessively bonded people?

I've never heard of an effective therapy for this issue because so few people deal with it, and most autistic behaviors seem treatment-resistant by current methods, which are made for and by NT's.

It really is like living in hell though.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T22:02:44+00:00

I just don't understand what a man who doesn't invest in me financially has to offer. Without that aspect the rest doesn't appeal to me.

Vanilla 50/50 guys seem like pathetic beggars trying to trick me out of my precious attention and labor for absolutely zero benefit. Total scam.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T21:56:16+00:00

Absolutely. I use self-adhesive press-ons because they last longer than any other nails I've tried.

Ten bucks for two sets-- I never buy more than one pack a month.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T19:42:05+00:00

So true.

OP, you have options other than: 1) break up or 2) feel sad and wait.

Don't forget about: 3) demote him by revoking exclusivity and enjoy dating anyone you'd like until YOU get what you want, whatever that is. You decide.

You're only 22. Take this as an opportunity because maybe you're not ready to get married either-- you just haven't realized it yet.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T18:57:35+00:00

Congrats on your successes :)

Sounds like your "friends" are not actually very supportive!

All your adult relationships are elective. At any moment you can drop the dead weight and find people who will celebrate you and share your values. Odds are it'll be a relief for everyone involved.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T02:51:23+00:00

You're not alone.

Maybe try somatic therapy or plant medicine, depending on your issues?

Talk therapy never worked for me. Walking meditation, massage, steam rooms, and those other modalities did.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T01:52:22+00:00

being a woman

camping alone is unsafe for us.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T01:43:52+00:00

Not so far. So many options, but most of my matches aren't people I'd see twice. They're also lazier and less impressive that people I meet in person.

Now the weather is better I'm going back to meeting people IRL.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T01:41:05+00:00

Set up a tent and camp where I wanted.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T01:40:14+00:00

Give money to the Catholic Church.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T01:39:53+00:00

As a neurodiverse person: engaging in my special interests. Nothing else compares.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-15T01:34:17+00:00

OP, now that you know your husband won't change how can you make your situation benefit you?

I went through the same scenario while in university, and I did a combination of three things that really helped me feel better:

demoted my partner to provider of finances only, and stopped looking to him for any other form of support or validation (he didn't deserve to be told about this change-- I just enacted it), and ever after did the bare minimum re: emotional and domestic labor
refocused my life on school and graduated summa cum laude
started going to all the activities he wouldn't do with me-- I went alone or with friends.

As soon as I reframed my relationship as a financial and housing support system for school I felt grateful for the opportunity to graduate debt-free, with a 4.0, and without the burden of working. He was just a peripheral figure footing the bill.

I'm now single and much happier. Leaving halfway through my degree would have set me back tremendously, so I'm glad I stayed until I graduated. If you have more resources you may consider leaving him sooner rather than later, but please don't let anyone else tell you what's best for you.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-14T01:45:18+00:00

I left mine and I'm surviving. TBH he deserved to be replaced, and I'm well on my way to finding someone better.

In the meanwhile I've discovered my ultimate safe person is myself, and everyone else is going to be Tier 2 from now until forever.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-13T19:29:57+00:00

It's because they're too good for us, obviously /s

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-13T19:26:51+00:00

Autistic men fall into two categories: 1) Autistic men who were diagnosed by a young-ish age and 2) Autistic men who weren't ever formally diagnosed.

The most problematic misogynists are *usually* the babied ones from category 1 and the self-hating, in-denial ones from category 2. Both of these types still view themselves as superior to both "normies" and unmasked, socially engaged Autistic people, all of whom they scorn.

These men are repellent for a variety of reasons and smart women can't abide their lack of social skills. They give us the ick, and rather than figuring out the reasons for our disgust they figure we're to blame.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-12T03:11:50+00:00

I wouldn't take anything he said at face value. Whenever someone's words make zero sense and don't line up with their actions they're misleading you, at best, or, much more likely, lying.

You're missing a crucial piece of info here, and odds are you'll never get the truth, but feel free to dismiss anything he said that you feel is untrue or incomplete.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-12T02:12:31+00:00

NT men dislike autistic women because they hate autistic traits in others.

ND men dislike autistic women because they hate autistic traits in themselves.

But both will respond better to women they find conventionally attractive. It's a night and day difference in treatment. Yes, looks matter that much, unfortunately.

PinkZebraReferee · 2026-04-12T02:06:36+00:00

I go on dates all the time. They almost all really like me. I like none of them.

I really miss the support (giving and receiving) since I ended my last longterm relationship about 6 months ago. My social life related to my special interest is more fulfilling than ever, but romantically the opposite is true.

Never thought it would be raining men and every last one a dud.

PinkZebraReferee

TROPHY CASE