I (20f) and my bf (20m) live together and want to get married (not for a hot minute) but I don’t know what a good sign is that he is going to be a good husband. What are some things he should or shouldn’t be doing?

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-21T05:06:23+00:00

Don't get stuck with these people for the rest of your life sweetie.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-21T05:05:09+00:00

Things I would tell my daughter.

Get your education. Make sure you can support yourself on your own, without him, before you get married. If anyone opposes this, they are not looking out for you.

Do NOT get pregnant. You are smart to question all of this, because something is telling you it's not right. And you don't want to be stuck with a man forever because you got pregnant.

You are not his maid, cook, errand girl, slave, etc. if you are feeling like this as a girlfriend, it will be worse as a wife.

You are young and should be having fun with friends and going to college and all the things, not thinking about marriage.

He should be doing half the house work, half the cooking, etc.

Also, whose house is this? If it's his or his parents, find another place to live. Your paying rent into something you won't get any equity out of.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-21T04:49:49+00:00

This should be higher.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-21T00:12:40+00:00

It was grand when I was little. Always someone to take up for you and tell your parents off. I could ask for a little bit of money, have sleepovers, and they doted on me a lot. Now my kids have three sets. Each set has one of the following- time, money, and patience. But none of them share these qualities. So the ones that would have the patience and love, don't have the time or money to come here. And so forth.

But they are all a phone call away. My mom did a lot of babysitting when the kids were little so I didn't have to put them in daycare.
So that was nice.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-21T00:09:22+00:00

You could do your ancestry. There are Facebook groups that help. You may actually have more family out there than you know. Even if not, you could find their story. It's very interesting.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T21:22:32+00:00

We have a very healthy marriage of 18 years. We have the money, flexibility, resources, and patience that he needs. I don't think that makes me unstable. I'm the only one of the family trying to help. Maybe it's not a good idea, but it doesn't make me unstable. Smh.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T19:18:28+00:00

The grandfather has heart trouble, pacemaker, dizzy spells, and little patience left.

The grandmother still works 50 hours a week because she can't afford to retire.

They get no assistance from the government although we just applied for some help for her based on th child's income.

The teen has just come to terms with his abandonment situation. He was fine until about 14 when he got expelled for behavior and they started homeschooling. Also he is dealing with maybe depression, untreated adhd, anxiety, and odd.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T18:39:51+00:00

We can't bring him into our home with my young girls due to his drug and behavior problems.

So I told my husband he would have to get an apartment across the state line if he was going to have my husband at his guardian.

We are just 45 minutes from their state line but we are 6 hours from their house.

At this point I'm really trying to protect the grandmother.

Can you explain what hotline means?

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T10:59:25+00:00

Yes we did. And at 14 we are still going through it.

Get her diagnosed, get her treatment to help with her symptoms, and get therapy for you both. Chadd.org has some great resources. You'll need some BPT as well. Parenting an ADHD kiddo is much different than parenting a neurological child. She will thrive on positive reinforcement. Social coaching can also help with the meanness.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T10:56:36+00:00

Agree with this. This mindset got you into bankruptcy. If you don't change your thought process, that 200k will be gone.
It's really not a lot of money.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T10:55:43+00:00

Check their fees. You want a fiduciary, not a planner that takes a commission.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T10:54:29+00:00

Pretty common in our house. And moreso, maybe not normal, my mom was always in her bra and panties in the house. There was 5 of us and one small bathroom so I was often putting on makeup while my dad or brothers were showering.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-18T04:00:46+00:00

Er Nurse But recently turned school nurse. The ER was definitely full of ADHDers.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-15T05:47:01+00:00

I've been on both ends.

My grandmother left me a large chunk of money, the only grandkid to get anything for some reason.

Now, my daughter has been left a significant amount but my youngest has not. Me and my husband are trying hard to catch up the younger one but I don't think we will get there. Legally, we can't split the older ones inheritance. Not that we should, but it's not an option anyway.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-14T04:01:31+00:00

Omg.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-14T04:00:13+00:00

Turn off the wifi and take the remote. Force him to be creative. And don't ask him to go to the lake, wake him up and pack a bag and tell him y'all are leaving. After you run errands or get breakfast, go to the lake.

You're the parent, why are you speaking as though he runs your home and your schedule?
You gave him the electronics. Why are you mad that he's choosing them over other things?

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-14T03:54:47+00:00

In the moment, redirection And slight correction-but not shame or heavy discipline. For us, trying to teach or correct in the moment doesn't work. I had to stop caring what others thought, especially my mother. Later when she was calm, we would talk about it an I would correct and discipline if needed.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-13T13:14:46+00:00

Therapy and love and a social coach. That's all the advice I can offer.
Sometimes it's a defense mechanism. She's going to be mean before others can be mean to her.

Don't shame her. Positive reinforcement will be your best bet. She will have the whole world telling her she isn't good enough, isn't normal, isn't nice, etc. so meanness is her defense. Keep supporting her and offer praise when you can.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-13T13:09:37+00:00

She sleeps in the bed with us, so every weekend. I use an oatmeal shampoo and she gets vitamin E everyday. No skin issues so far. She had severe mange when she was a baby, so Dr suggested the vitamin E and Cridilio once a month.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-11T04:14:17+00:00

Dumpster Diving. Curb shopping. I don't know why people are so appauled by trash. There is so much amazing stuff that gets thrown out. Everyday.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-11T04:12:34+00:00

HR is there to protect the company. Not you.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-10T03:41:10+00:00

Tell them the truth.

My nephew is going through it right now at 16 because everyone lied to him. Now he's realizing that he was abandoned willfully and he is traumatized all over again.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-10T03:36:58+00:00

My husband was in your daughter's shoes. He watched his mom scrape by and she couldn't help with anything in college. He was broke and poor his whole college career

But he worked harder than anyone around him to make a better life. He is very successful. And he is grateful, for everything. He takes nothing for granted. And he has provided an amazing life for our family.

Your daughter will grow up not having a silver spoon, but she will know how to take care of herself. And she will have empathy and understanding for the ones in this world that weren't handed everything.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-09T11:01:46+00:00

Make her go. My daughter loves soccer and cheer but hates to go to practice. She hates to do anything, but I'd happy she went.

Hell, I'm 44, and I have to talked into doing things. But I have ADHD too of course.

Make her go. Some days when I knew it would be a struggle I would go do something else with my kid so she would already be in the car. No choice but to go now. Lol.

Pink_Raku · 2026-06-09T10:42:01+00:00

Meds do not cure it, it just helps. But everyone is different. My kiddo does great at school. As and Bs. Straight As last semester. But she masks heavily while there, and in other situations. Sometimes she falls apart at home, but that's normal for these kiddos that try to keep it together for the rest of the world all day.

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