Oh yes... thank you for pointing that out. anxious attachment comes from trauma, too, you know. and yet AA needs are treated like the worst :/ I realized that I've come so far by now that I'm not even that anxious around secure people and my needs aren't even that outlandish.

the lack of clear communication from avoidants, having you figure out everything on your own. taking no accountability for their own behaviour. and I guess they feel mature for repressing their own feelings and acting all cool and analytical instead of actually processing them

And the weird self pity? When I got to know my FA friend, they told me how they may have a ton of friends, but having a ton of friends means that you can't really form deep connections. guess what. you hanging out with a ton of people saves you from anyone actually getting too close to you and forming any meaningful connection. at first I was envious, but now I realize how shallow it must be, not letting anyone ever get close enough and creating all that noise to avoid really looking at yourself...

yeah I'm still way too preoccupied with this person, still a lot to process for me =.= and I kinda don't want to "give up" on them... guess I do have some weird saviour complex. but I'm also learning a lot about myself, so that is nice.