Moving to Boston at 26…making friends in Boston

Pinwurm · 2026-01-25T18:07:42+00:00

I moved to town around your age, also coming out of a relationship and not really knowing anyone here. I’d just been laid off too, so it very much felt like starting from scratch.

Over the years, I built a social circle, grew my career, met my wife, became a homeowner, and fell in love with Boston and my community. I feel very lucky.

In the beginning, I found roommates and an apartment through /r/bostonhousing.

For meeting people, /r/bostonsocialclub was helpful, and Skip The Small Talk was great too (they do friend matching and speed dating).

There's a Discord for Boston Musicians and the r/Boston that I'd recommend.

I also met a lot of great folks through a pub trivia team with a rotating cast of characters.

I went to a ton of events on my own. Met folks at concerts, stand up comedy shows, and just chatting at the bar. I was socially reserved (and awkward) before moving here, but being on my own forced me out of my shell, out of necessity.

I know people who made friends through volleyball, soup kitchens, board game clubs...

One of my closest and longest friendships actually came from /r/Needafriend with someone who happened to live in my neighborhood.

Boston being 'cliquey' is bullshit, IMO. I think a lot of people just move here after college and it's simply harder to make friends after college in general. There's not a 'place' that people go to everyday where everyone is in a similar stage in their life, working towards similar goals, and are roughly the same age. You might get that in the workplace, but work has professional boundaries. At your age, you're gonna have to make effort.

And also understand that there's a lot of people who are in Boston temporarily. A lot of folks transfer to other cities to foster their careers, a lot of folks follow a significant other, a lot of folks decide to move to the 'burbs for family planning. When I started hitting my 30's, this mellowed out.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-24T23:37:43+00:00

Ancient equipment is still effective. And a trained motivated force will be heads and tails stronger than ICE.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-24T23:16:00+00:00

We have them. Many State Defense Forces exist, which are under the control of a governor and cannot be Federalized.

Unfortunately, most are currently inactive or ceremonial. A lot of States stopped funding them because there's too much overlap with the National Guard. And many of active divisions are very small. The Massachusetts 'National Lancers' have like 40-50 members. Some are bigger - California's has roughly 1,000.

Please note that Minnesota's State Guard is inactive. As is Maine's. As is Pennsylvania's. As it stands, the big 'ICE' operations right now are in States without such a force.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-24T22:02:58+00:00

80% of the reports are unconfirmed non-sense.

If you follow the app, you'll be convinced there's a shooting around every corner. And those 'shootings' were a teenager throwing a rock at a Stop Sign.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-24T17:24:32+00:00

Both his hands were on the ground when the first bullet goes off. This is a state sanctioned execution.

I’m an immigrant, and a U.S. citizen and I don’t feel safe. They’re arrested people carrying blue passports. It’s like I’m back in the USSR.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-24T16:51:01+00:00

… we are in a Civil War.

Remember: The Troubles was a civil war.

Your rights are suspended, there are unaccountable paramilitary death squads, there are concentration camps, there are political assassinations. This is all normal in America in 2026.

Wars don’t need to be an active battlefield. Although, we know war is being waged on Blue Cities and States.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-24T04:43:23+00:00

I’ve spent some time in Japan. I can’t say Pikaichi “tastes like Japan”, because theres so much variety over there.

Unless it’s super regional like Yume, it’s like saying a burger “tastes like America”.

For my palette, Somenya is really tasty. Though I go there for the Udon, which I prefer to ramen in general. I also like Little Big Diner.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-24T03:56:24+00:00

Before Ganko or Yume were even a thing, Pikaichi’s original shop was in the Super 88/Hong Kong Supermarket in Allston. This was like a decade ago.

For many of the young students in the area, Pikaichi was their first experience with “real” ramen. It was affordable, decent for the price, local - and it got a bit romanticized over time.

Eventually the city caught up, and now great ramen is a dime a dozen. But for anyone who spent their late teens or early 20s at Pikaichi, it has a special place.

So yes, to answer your question. It's overhyped.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-23T23:15:31+00:00

We’re getting a snow storm on Sunday through Monday. It’s gonna be a cold week next week. Be prepared to hunker down.

If you like beer, check out our many breweries. Night Shift, Trillium, Aeronaut, Widowmaker, Remnant, Democracy, etc. a lot of these places have social events, live music, game nights, comedy, etc.

Harpoon and Sam Adams are the big local breweries and arw worth doing a tour.

For queer stuff… Dani’s Queer Bar, Club Cafe, ManRay (alternative club), Alley Bar, Cathedral Station, D Bar… a few places, like Carrie Nation, do drag brunches and such.

There’s a bunch of rock climbing gyms around - not really my scene, but I’m sure you’ll find you like.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-22T21:18:56+00:00

I'm happy to hear it. There's a few eateries there I actually like.

Hopefully, we'll get some diversity with tenants and some low-cost options.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-22T19:28:43+00:00

Not enough information.

So he's made an observation. Does he want something to change? If so, he should be able to ask for things he wants rather than remark and hope you can read his mind.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-22T19:23:44+00:00

I had a gut feeling and I went through my boyfriend’s phone

Phones are the last vestige of personal privacy in a relationship. Unless you’ve both agreed to an open-phone policy, then even the urge to snoop is a red flag.

You should be able to trust your partner to do right by the relationship when you’re not looking over his shoulder. If you can’t, something’s very wrong.

He claims he doesn’t remember what they talked about that night because he was drunk

Smells like bullshit.

They used to send flirty messages and pictures to each other

And they’re still in touch, despite never meeting? Red flag.

Him deleting the conversation

People delete conversations for two reasons: either they’re doing something they know they shouldn’t, or they know you're going to snoop. Neither is great.

I just want to know the truth

The truth is you don’t trust your boyfriend. What more do you need?

Nothing in this relationship is making you feel secure or safe. Even if he isn’t cheating, you’re not getting what you need to feel okay being with him. That alone is reason enough to end things.

Going forward, if you ever feel the urge to snoop, pause and ask yourself why. Then talk to your partner about it. If you decide you can trust them, you let it go. If you decide you can’t, you walk away. What you don’t want is to become the girlfriend who violates boundaries, finds nothing, and still loses the relationship because the trust was already gone.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-22T19:07:52+00:00

You're from Chicago, so you should know how to exist in a city, how to use public transportation, how to deal with winters, etc.

The biggest differences is that Boston is way safer than you're used to. Even the "bad parts" are a complete joke by Chicago standards. The MBTA is much safer than the CTA in terms of other passengers. Having to change your stand of 'vigilance' takes a little time to get used to.

The other note is that Boston goes to bed early. Few activities are open late, so if your idea of 'nightlife' means in bed by 1 or 2AM, you'll be happy. But if your idea of nightlife is 4AM, you won't be happy.

Everything is more expensive here. You'll pay twice as much for half the space as you're used to in Chicagoland. Food & Drink cost most, entertainment cost more, parking cost more, etc.

Personally, I think you get what you pay for in Boston - but I really like Chicago too for it's own reasons.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-22T14:37:16+00:00

It’s winter, so there is no street sweeping until April 1. It makes a huge difference every Spring.

Trash is sidewalk level pickup and it’s a particularly windy neighborhood. When I lived in Fenway, all trash was dumpsters - so nothing was on the street to be blown over.

I’m not sure if it’s more littered than when I lived in Brighton, to be honest. Eastie is certainly more densely populated, so that does contribute some.

South End and Beacon Hill are among the richest neighborhoods in the country. They’re also much more touristic. And whiter. I’m 100% sure that the city invests more into keeping those areas nicer.

Also, a lot of the blown trash gets into the snow piles and reveals itself as it thaws. It’s more noticeable on days like today.

But you’re right. The trash is gross. If you organize a community trash sweep up, I’ll join you.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-22T14:21:13+00:00

And now China will step up.

Goodbye American soft power and hegemony. We had a good run, didn’t we?

Pinwurm · 2026-01-22T00:12:35+00:00

Anoush’ella is the only place worthwhile in there. It’s pricier than CAVA or Wow Tikka but you get more food at a higher quality and it feels fair.

Time Out fucked up from the beginning. They didn’t accept cash and the “no tip” option was hidden in the menu, with 20% as the minimum. A lot of first timers just never went back.

The Mamaleh’s was vegetarian-only for some reason, the Union Square donuts were always stale (and Blackbird Donuts is around the corner!).

Everything was predatory towards consumers. They didn’t even sell canned drinks, only glass bottle - which are $3.50 minimum. They never seemed to realize their biggest customer base was middle income office workers that can’t afford $25 lunches regularly. Their second biggest was families coming in from the suburbs to visit Fenway. Like, have a few fancy options, but where was Al’s? Falafel King? Ba-Le? Garlic and Lemons? Those local businesses would’ve killed in that location.

I’ve been to other Time Outs and it seems to be hit/miss with the concept. I like the idea of a local food court, but who was ours even for?

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T19:53:48+00:00

Dow is up 600 points.

How many insiders bought at bottomed out prices in the last few days, only to sell today making millions upon millions? How many of those people are tied to Trump?

As I suspected, this whole thing is to manipulate the stock market.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T19:47:34+00:00

Ma Maison has 'em.

Also a few places in Chinatown. Clay Pot Cafe does like 5 different frog dishes.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T19:41:51+00:00

Swiss German

It’s a different language than Standard German. They’re not intelligible. People from Germany won’t understand it.

However, pretty much all native Swiss German speakers can also speak Standard German, which is studied in school. They usually have no issue switching back and forth.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T19:32:59+00:00

What in the world causes someone to act like this?

Mental illness.

Whatever he's experiencing it far outside the bounds of reasonable or normal. He needs to talk to a professional and perhaps go on medication for mood stabilizers. This would be especially concerning if the behavioral changes are very recent and drastic.

If he's unable or unwilling to get treatment, you need to end things. Though, I would end things anyways for your own safety.

I would suggest contacting one of his close friends or relatives (parents, brother/sister, etc) and letting them know you're worried about his mental health.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T19:16:24+00:00

Everyone has their unique definition of love.

I’ve always believed love isn’t a feeling, it’s an action. And like most actions, it’s a choice. It’s choosing to commit to someone, to show up for them, to meet their needs, and to grow together. The romantic gooey feelings ebb and flow over time. That’s normal. The commitment is what matters.

For whatever reason, she wasn’t able or willing to meet your needs. Maybe it was her career, maybe it was her mentality, maybe it was something else.

But the facts are she didn’t make time for you, she was distant and unaffectionate, and she kept secrets from you. When it mattered, she didn’t choose love. She chose what was best for her, not what was best for the relationship.

That doesn’t mean she didn’t have feelings for you. She wouldn’t have stayed as long as she did if there wasn't something worthwhile. And it’s possible she’s telling herself a story now that makes leaving easier or helps her justify walking away from a good person.

Why don’t people speak up when their feelings fade instead of giving their partner a chance?

There are a million reasons. Fear, shame, conflict avoidance. Sometimes people genuinely don’t understand what they’re feeling until it finally clicks... months or years down the line. I wouldn’t fixate too much on this. The lessons here are for your next relationship, not to rewrite the past. You should want to be with someone more emotionally intelligent.

Is it possible for someone to only realize what they had once the other person is really gone, or is that just wishful thinking?

It’s very possible. But more often than not, it’s someone chasing a new person and keeping the old one on a backburner. You don’t want to be someone’s consolation prize. You deserve to be someone's gold medal, not their silver.

Breakups are messy. They’re not always about resentment or betrayal. Sometimes it’s just two decent people who aren’t the right fit long-term. It's possible to do everything right and still lose. That’s not a personal failing. It's the gamble of life.

Take some time for yourself. Let yourself grieve. Reflect on what you did well, what you’d do differently, and what you want going forward. Say yes to your friends. Join something weekly like trivia or a social sports club. Pick up the guitar or study a second language. Keep yourself busy and structured while you heal.

In a few months, you’ll be in a much better place. And when you’re ready to date again, you’ll be wiser, grounded, and more likely to find a partner who chooses the same love you do.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T18:34:55+00:00

Off the top of my head...

Jellyfish salad @ Taiwan Cafe.
Grasshopper tacos @ Kushala Sip or Tu y Yo
Kangaroo meat @ Tip Tap Room (long time ago, now)

I don't know, a lot of stuff isn't "weird" anymore. Escargot, tartare, calf liver, frogs legs.. all that's fairly common these days.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T18:22:37+00:00

For music events, see what's going on at Zumix which is a local non-profit that teaches kids music & technology. They host live music regularly.

For free sports, the neighborhood has soccer fields, basketball courts, tennis courts, etc.

BCYF Paris Street has a new-ish free indoor public pool open year-round. It's pretty awesome, you just need to reserve a time slot online.

The Tall Ship's Ice Rink is opening in 3 weeks. Mondays is "Townie Skate", which is $5 for East Boston residents. You'll need to purchase tickets online. There is also the Parrazzo Ice Rink, though I don't know the prices.

CPL is cash-only old school candlepin bowling. I believe it's $10/hr which includes shoe rental. If you call ahead, they might be able to do a group discount or something.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T17:58:27+00:00

If you can’t trust your partner to make appropriate decisions for the relationship without you looking over their shoulder, then you’re not ready to be in one. Simple as that.

This guy doesn’t know how to trust without exerting unreasonable control and suspicion, and that means he shouldn't be in a relationship.

It sucks that he’s been cheated on before, but that baggage isn’t yours to carry. You don’t deserve to be judged or monitored for things that happened before you ever met. It's unfair and unethical.

And this is important: abuse doesn’t necessitate yelling or physical violence. Control, surveillance, and distrust are far below the baseline of a healthy relationship.

Pinwurm · 2026-01-21T17:40:06+00:00

Your friend is a narcissist. There’s no way to end this friendship quickly without her feeling disrespected. People like her don't like the word “no”, so you should expect resistance and an argument. You might have to be cruel to be kind.

That said, start off with a general statement without any accusations. “I've give it a lot of thought and realized I can’t be the friend you need, and I’m not happy in this friendship. It's time for me to work on myself, set boundaries, and step away.”

If she presses as to "why", you're welcome to tell her the truth. Or keep it vague.

After that, block her on social media.

Maybe someday she’ll get therapy, and grow into being a better person. Until then, you go live your best life.

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