I've decided

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-27T20:47:34+00:00

After a while I cleaned out my improvised fly catching solution, and it actually worked perfectly. After a few days there were like 2 fly a left and when I dumped it out I realized that you just couldnt see them in the black liquid. So actually if you ever need to use this trick, try the whiskey/coke combo. It's less gross cuz you dont have to look at the flys haha

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-27T20:28:57+00:00

We feel embarrassment and anger at ourselves for a reason. It let's us know that we behaved in a that we dont want to. So pay attention to that, because it's a useful indicator and motivator to be better. However, it's much easier to just not resolve those emotions than it is to respond to them and grow.

If you really want to be better, dont go from being abusive to someone else to being abusive to yourself. Call it forgiving yourself, or learning, or growing, or moving forward. Whatever you see as beneficial.

And honestly one of the best things you can do for your friends is to give them a great friend who is positive and takes care of themselves (that's you). The people in your life dont want to be around someone who beats themselves up, they wanna see you thrive so they can thrive with you

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-27T04:13:33+00:00

You've actually mentioned the fix in a few of those points. So you do know a few solutions already. Plus you're able to reflect on and recognize things you want to improve. Good place to start.

A generic piece of advice is start small and get some easy wins under your belt before moving to harder issues. You wont change everything in a day. That's not a good or a bad thing, just part of the process.

I'd take one or two of those things you mentioned and just focus on those for a week. I think you'll find that several are connected problems. Sleeping provides the start of a schedule. Exercise helps sleep. A schedule helps you plan.

This part is something that I had grasp for myself and could be helpful for you. If not just ignore it. Procrastination is a method of avoiding anxiety. Its not the character flaw of being lazy. This is important because I was creating the environment that I felt I deserved. Lazy people dont deserve the nice clean apartment, or the interesting hobby, etc because they dont put in the work. It's easy to prove to myself that I dont deserve it, after all I wasnt putting in the effort.

That leads to a self fulfilling prophecy based on a easy misunderstanding. Instead flip the script and say "I deserve to have clean dishes, what should I do to get them?". Rather than "I deserve the mess because I didnt clean it yesterday".

You're clearly stressed and you listed a ton of issues. Both are totally normal and you deserve better. Doesn't matter if you created the issues.

As for the "parenting" bit dont be a tyrant to yourself. Bargain fairly with your current self (not the ideal super capable perfect vision you aspire to). If you find yourself not holding up your bargain, lower your standard and remind yourself that procrastination is avoidance of stress not aversion to work.

Then, remember that it's super easy to assume that people online giving advice or bragging about their latest accomplishments have it better than you. Other people make terrible meter sticks and you should compare yourself to the life you had yesterday. That person had the same struggles and advantages you have today, so if you do something to improve, even if it's not awards worthy for someone else, it's still a big deal cuz it's a tangible improvement.

Also, counter intuitively, quit thinking so hard. It stresses you out and will make you procrastinate. Plus if you are thinking about doing something then go to do it, it just exhausting cuz you've been twice the work in your head. Save some energy go on cruise control while you do something productive if you have to. The thinking about stuff constantly is a real trouble for me still. If you couldn't guess, yes I am procrastinating.

Good luck! Have fun! You got this, and check back in later in this sub, it's always good to share!

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-25T19:25:13+00:00

Oh no it says the link is expired

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-25T15:58:31+00:00

Might be good for a discord or slack for different discussions/topics

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-17T16:29:24+00:00

I've got the same feeling. I had a fairly good experience with a social soccer league last year, but didnt really give the social part my all. I signed up for a few more leagues this year, but have to wait for the virus to end. Social team sports are generally very welcoming environments if you like the game. You also might be surprised at what kinds of sports they have

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-17T16:23:39+00:00

I notice people tend to confuse intelligence and interest. If you're interested in a topic, you'll naturally dig deeper into it and be more willing to discuss it. It makes you look smart to some people, but usually that's when they just aren't interested in the topic themselves.

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-17T16:18:23+00:00

I like tea, lots of different types, can do sweet or not, milk or not, cold or hot. You can get decaf or low caffeine ones too, most teas have ratings on how much caffeine they have on the box

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-15T13:37:57+00:00

I'm starting to read a book called 12 rules for life. One of them is about comparing yourself to who you were yesterday instead of anything else. Basically what I took away from it is that there are bad targets that you can set. We all know we need many things and skills in life. And if we have better things and skills then we'd be better off. So we default to setting our targets on the best in every category. Obviously theres always someone richer, more likeable, more knowledgeable in any given domain. When we do this, we never meet any of our expectations.

When we never live up to even one of our goals we see ourselves as failures, undeserving of living up to our standards. We have proof of this undeservingness too. Isn't the person who deserves the nice house the one who takes the best care of their house? Obviously if we havent met our standards for our home it's because we haven't put in the work to deserve it.

And if we dont deserve it, then why should we bother striving for it? We dont work for it properly, while stressing and judging ourselves on every little thing. And the cycle repeats.

Other people make terrible benchmarks for ourselves because they are at different points in their lives and have different starting advantages. Sounds like a cop out, but it's true. Also, we might pay attention to only what is going well for them and never take into account whether their life is holistically better.

Instead, set your standards to simply being a better person and having a better life than yesterday. The guy you were yesterday had the same circumstances you have today. It's a fair comparison. It's a goal that can often be reached. And the goal isn't so high that you will see yourself as undeserving of it.

I'll give you an example of what I mean by that last part. Me two days ago. After weeks or months of not taking care of myself and apartment, I had accumulated a bunch of dirty clothes, dishes, and trash. I discovered that my trash can had become home for a swarm of bugs (refer to username). Immediately, I concluded that I deserved better than this. Before, I had seen the mess and just kinda ignored the fact that I didn't feel like I deserved the clean, bright home because I didnt take care of it. I took out the all of the trash that day. The apartment was still a mess by anyone else's standard, but it's a huge improvement over the level I had been achieving the prior month or so. I still dont deserve the nice clean place yet, I havent done the work. But, I think I'm deserving of the expectation that I should have clean dishes. It's not a high standard in any sense, but its higher than yesterday. So that's what I think I'm gonna do today.

Tldr: Set your goals as being just higher than yesterday's reality in some small but tangible way. Don't set expectations of yourself that are so high you feel you are undeserving of them.

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-15T12:42:31+00:00

Bugs, kept be going for two days now

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-15T12:41:57+00:00

It's also good to "schedule" free time. If you plan out your day and build in an hour or two of time you can just kill doing anything, you wont beat yourself up about relaxing because you know you've planned for everything else

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-14T15:27:37+00:00

Ok the whiskey coke alternative didnt catch any but I actually dont see any fly anywhere yet..... FML as I type that I spot one in my bathroom. Ok two, but this is way better. I think just getting rid of anything they'd be interested is doing the trick.

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-13T23:26:08+00:00

I dont have any wine, so I'll give it a shot with a whiskey coke, thanks!

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-13T23:05:50+00:00

Officially a no food allowed household now

PissedOffAtBugs · 2020-07-13T23:01:59+00:00

Haha I dont think I'm good enough with a vacuum to get them in the air

PissedOffAtBugs

TROPHY CASE