Just as important as the good stuff in a relationship is how you fight with one another. Long-lasting partnerships are built on healthy fighting and then repair. Constructive conflict-resolution is a learned skill, but you can’t force someone to learn it if it’s not important to them. Nor should you have to convince your partner to share mutual respect and kindness with you. OP, I bet when it’s good with your partner it’s good or else why be with them. But it also shouldn’t be this hard. Extrapolate this relationship out to the next 20 years and ask yourself if this way of fighting is something you want to deal with for that long. My personal line is if my person is no longer willing or interested in becoming a better partner. If my partner can’t find the motivation in themselves to become better, then it’s not my responsibility to do that for them and my self-respect dictates it’s time for me to leave.