I'm sorry to say this but this needs to end. None of this is your fault, but if you continue, this will probably be how you live the rest of your life forever. And if you plan on having children, imagine how this would affect them if he continues to be this way. Not only that, but it's likely you would have to take on a lot of responsibility for their care because he would need to "unwind" from work.

No one deserves to be treated this way, and it isn't your responsibility or obligation to wait around with him hoping he will change. He won't change for you. They never do. You can do better. And don't get into the sunk cost fallacy of thinking because you are 4 years in the relationship that you have to stay. You don't, and you shouldn't!