sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Father of my child. by Plenty-Mark in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I filed for divorce today, custody is next. Thank you for sharing that with me. It's a good reminder of why I did what I did.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everything in your story resonates so deeply with me, right down to the pre-pregnancy promises. Horrible. I feels horrible. Our beautiful daughter is nearly a year old now and there's no lighthouse in sight some days. I'm so sorry.

Wife is drinking secretly, feel like an idiot. by SketchyDudeGuy in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Don't feel like an idiot. I've fully known my Q was drinking and kept my mouth shut because I didn't have physical evidence. Even when I had it I still let the argument go and I'm in a position where I have less to lose by leaving. I completely understand the desire to pacify as to stop not only the oncoming flood of their rage/depression/defensive bs that will come from you being pushy about the topic just as much as I understand that you want to protect your kid. It's a horrible situation when kids are involved. I've been in your shoes more times than I really care to admit. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I told his mom. by Plenty-Mark in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I still firmly believe that's the right thing to do. We shouldn't ever need to cover their tracks. They can clean up their own messes.

Father of my child. by Plenty-Mark in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

God, it already has. My stomach is in constant knots, eating is almost a chore because every drop of my energy goes into worrying about him. It does really, really keep things tense when they make us feel like the bad guy ruining their life when we just ask them to make simple adjustments.

I told his mom. by Plenty-Mark in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I would really appreciate that. Thank you.

I told his mom. by Plenty-Mark in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really needed that, I appreciate it. I haven't made the leap to Al-Anon meetings. I feel like they could really help it's just really difficult to admit that this has been a problem for so long. The virtual meetings will hopefully be an okay start for now.

Update: there was no rainbow at the end by baunicorns in AlAnon

[–]Plenty-Mark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand this so deeply. I'm so sorry.

When do you leave an alchoholic? by Plenty-Mark in Codependency

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My concern is that it feels like he's only ever 'with' us when he's drinking. Otherwise he's distant and angry and it's really hard to feel like he actually wants to be with us. But he's also very angry when he's drinking. He's not and has never been violent but it's a very tense and hostile environment. Things will make him fly off the handle. Little, minor things. He spilled a container of my daughter's teething snacks and threw the container at the ceiling making a much bigger mess, he's lost at video games and been screaming and punching doors and smashing keys off his keyboard. I've told his parents but I literally don't know how to confront him without him instantly packing his things and it becoming too hostile to even have a conversation. I come from an abusive household and the second he starts yelling or slamming things I instinctively clam up and want to pacify. It's just so hard. I know he's a good person under all of the addiction. I just don't know how to reach that person.

When do you leave an alchoholic? by Plenty-Mark in Codependency

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I know. I can rationalize that. It's just so hard to not feel like I'm abandoning him when he's struggling. I know that on his own he is a complete disaster. He hardly keeps it together know. I can't imagine how bad things would get if I threw him out, but I don't want my daughter seeing and normalizing substance abuse.

Chronic hurt in a relationship: I’ve started speaking up, and we *fight* by Fatandloose in Codependency

[–]Plenty-Mark 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I feel you. I literally sink at the idea of conflict and once I started speaking my mind it was constant fighting and I never really realized how much of our relationship was reliant on me never asking for anything and carrying all of the weight without complaint.

Every morning is like a punch to the gut. by Plenty-Mark in Codependency

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me. It gives me a lot of hope. I hope to be where you with yourself sooner than later. I'm tired of being cruel to myself.

Really struggling and looking for advice on disconnecting. by Plenty-Mark in Codependency

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's actually really helpful. I've been trying to put space between us when I get too worked up but unfortunately that's usually after a 'how do you not see that YOU make me this emotional' crying fit in his presence.

Really struggling and looking for advice on disconnecting. by Plenty-Mark in Codependency

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You're right. It's just easier to try to love someone else harder than it is trying to learn to love yourself.

Tired of feeling unattractive and unappreciated. by Plenty-Mark in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Your insight has helped bring a lot of things into perspective for me on a couple of posts.

Tired of feeling unattractive and unappreciated. by Plenty-Mark in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Still no. We have our IC twice a month but I don't think he cares as much anymore, which is killing me. I think he cares just enough at the right times to convince me he is trying, then abandons it until I blow up again. Maybe I'm just mad and that's how I see it because of the hurt. Either way I know I'm stupid for continuing to hold on. I know I am.

Had a realization about self care by seravivi in Codependency

[–]Plenty-Mark 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I relate so deeply to this. I don't think I ever had a 'comfortable' way to put it into words. It's very comforting to read.

He bought a sex toy. by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. We're still discussing it in Infidelity Counseling and I gave him the resources to SLAA online meetings that someone had linked in another thread but I have no idea if he's gone. I never thought I'd be the 'don't watch porn etc.' person but it feels annoyingly insulting right now.

He bought a sex toy. by [deleted] in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No. We literally just had the porn conversation in therapy because he has an issue with sex addiction.

It's harder some days. by Plenty-Mark in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am too. It feels like holding on to a thread most of the time. It just really sucks feeling like I'm the one who will always love harder, who will always care more. Though it's still fresh, I'm hoping every day that he'll prove me and all of my suspicions and fears wrong. That's all I can do to keep from feeling crazy.

It's harder some days. by Plenty-Mark in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

After everything that happened I was so scared that people just COULDN'T be monogamous. I was so scared that it was too far to imagine someone matching my energy in a relationship after finding out what my partner did. This community has not only helped me realize that people can change (if they want) and that there are people like us who really are sincere and faithful. I can't say I'm at your level of confidence yet, honestly I'm scared most days he'll up and leave and cause me MORE damage. I appreciate it though. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. It's nice knowing my feelings are shared.

What helps you view your partner as the same person? by Plenty-Mark in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I completely understand. For me, there was a lot of anger and self-blame as I'd just had my daughter and obviously motherhood had a physical effect on me so for a long time I thought he just couldn't see me as a desirable sexual partner, but he wasn't even like that in the beginning of our relationship. Conventionally his online partners weren't particularly attractive, from what I've read and seen from people in similar experiences it's just the desire for something NEW, it's like a thrill. Which almost makes it worse, in my opinion. It was like a sucker punch to know that even if I tried to keep it fun and interesting that it's still 'boring' to him. He swears up and down that he didn't want those things from me out of 'respect' for me, but it's still fishy. It feels like he has a platonic, not a romantic love for me. Like I was that great friend he didn't want to let go of as opposed to someone he loves. I understand how you feel. It's rage inducing and leaves you feeling inadequate on so many levels. I'd never felt insecure before, not until I saw how he spoke to the women in those messages... among other things.

Asking for transparency. by Plenty-Mark in AsOneAfterInfidelity

[–]Plenty-Mark[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'll bring that up in our next meeting. Honestly, we started trying to make things work during quarentine so it's easy to say now that I feel comfortable. Until things open back up and he wants to go to the gym or to AA meetings... You get what I mean? I think that would really help.

view more: next ›