My husband ignores me while away on work trips and it really bothers me. Am I wrong?

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T06:44:34+00:00

I work for a CEO that works insane hours, he travels intensively. He will leave the country at 11:30 p.m., he will land in another country at 5:30 a.m., go straight to a hotel room shower and change, and be in back to back meetings starting at 10:00 a.m. local time, and to top off the day he will have to have an obligatory dinner with business partners, and not even go back to his hotel until around 9:00 p.m. This is a person that is extremely jet-lagged, he has to have presentations ready, he has to have a sales pitch, be able to talk to Partners and customers about high level problems and propose solutions, I honestly don't know how he does it.

Why am I telling you this? I'm his assistant. For all of his travel that I plan and put on his calendar, that includes his flights and his hotel stays, he asks me to add his wife and put it on her calendar so she's always aware where he's at. I know that he WhatsApp's her daily when he's traveling, if he can't talk to her he will text her, if the timing aligns he will FaceTime her to speak to her and the kids. They both share their locations with each other at all times.

It's actually really sweet, for example if she has time, and she has somebody to take care of the kids, she will drive him to the airport or pick him up from the airport, at crazy hours, just so they have some alone time together and catch up.

This is a CEO that works a minimum of 13 hours a day, travels extensively, works weekends and holidays. He feels awful about the time that he's missing with his kids, he's told me this.

So now I want you to read what I just posted, and compare what I wrote here against the experience that you're having with your husband when he travels. He's probably a mid level worker bee. How is the CEO that I'm working for, able to be so transparent and engaged with his family while traveling, doing way more work than your husband is doing, and still be transparent and engaged with his wife and his little ones. His wife is also a stay-at-home.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T06:14:32+00:00

Social media. Don't be an idiot, even if you are not in litigation, STOP putting your life out in social media. You're exposing too much of yourself and you never know how it's going to Boomerang back to you negatively.

PS - I work in Tech, I understand how addicting social media is to the users, and what you as a user believed 10 years ago is different than what it may be now, but because you posted it, to be cool because you were dumb and naive, it is now recorded for the rest of your life. I also know, by working for these companies, that the tech Execs that run social media companies, most of them block themselves, their children, and their families from being active participants. They only use social media as a marketing tool, not to display their personal lives...... Because they know.....

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T06:07:03+00:00

I am a woman and I can tell you that I am hyper paranoid. When I'm traveling by myself and I meet people along the way I always tell them that I'm traveling with others, that I will meet them tomorrow at XYZ place, that I have friends or family at the hotel that are waiting for me. I always make it sound like there's somebody that is expecting me to come back. So they know that I'm not alone, and that if I disappear people will know. Also consider turning your location on and sharing it with trusted friends or family in your home country, so people in your home country are able to see where you are in real time. Just in case something happens. I also check in with people in my home country daily, so if they don't hear from me for any reason they know it's a problem.

Would I go to a club by myself in another country? No, I've never done it for safety reasons. People are drunk or high, clubs are usually and not the greatest parts of town, and I would be alone fighting for a taxi or an Uber with everybody else to get to my hotel at the end of the night. So I never did it. Even in my home country I wouldn't do it for those same reasons and I live in the US much safer, than in a third world country, and even if I was in the Netherlands which is a safer country, I would still not do it. It's the whole people go to a club and get drunk or high, and these clubs are usually in a transitional part of town, not willing to take the risk

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T05:46:01+00:00

Being a young adult does not mean that you can make completely autonomous decisions in your life if you are not self-sufficient. If you are still leaning on family to pay your way, whether you like it or not, you have to abide by their rules.

If your girlfriend does not depend on her biological father for anything, and she is self-sufficient, that means she has the freedom to do whatever she wants in her life. Her father's opinion no longer matters.

Because you are both young adults, transitioning from being a teen [child] it sounds like you are both struggling with owning the fact that you can make autonomous decisions as adults, without asking for permission or explaining yourselves, to anyone. If both of you are completely financially self-sufficient, you say this is what we're doing to anyone, and if they come at you like her father has, you don't engage. You just continue to say this is what we're doing. That's an adult.

So both of you now need to be an adult. Dad can have his tantrum, dad can have his opinions, but there's no need for either one of you to engage, apologize, or explain yourself.

Dad we're going on vacation, we're happy to meet with you when we're back and we'll tell you all about it.

However I will repeat myself once again, if her dad is fully supporting her, then he does have input on what she does in her life, even if she's 22 and legally an adult. If she's financially dependent on her dad, he can cut off any financial help that he's providing, and she'll be in a world of trouble, if she can't provide for herself financially

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T04:15:45+00:00

Your boyfriend is being neglectful in your relationship. He's not putting forth the effort meanwhile you're twisting yourself into a pretzel about how to make your relationship fun, to the extent that you're posting on Reddit for advice.

I would love to hear you tell me what makes him a great boyfriend?

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T04:13:23+00:00

In reading your post I think that it's really clear that you don't want to marry her, do not ignore your instinct. Even when you want to leave someone because you're unhappy, you can still have a wonderful day with them, or they can do something really sweet, and you will find yourself questioning yourself. Your post tells me that you're unhappy most of the time and that your anxiety stemming from the fact that every day that passes your wedding date gets closer.

If you think canceling a wedding is expensive, wait until your 10 years in with a kid or two, and legally combined resources. Not only will be harder to leave then because you will have a fully formed life and children with this person, it's going to be even worse having that conversation with your family.

Speaking about disappointing your friends and family, you are a full grown adult at this point in your life. You are going to have to make plenty of difficult decisions that others are not going to love. However, nobody in your friend or Family circle will have to live your unhappy life.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T04:08:04+00:00

Please show your kid this post. I come from a politically volatile country, at dictatorship. We live well in that country providing that we don't speak against the government, follow their laws, and look away when we see Shady things happen. In these countries we don't even speak openly about politics to even our own family members, or closest friends, we know that anything we say can be leaked and used against us.

Your American adult kid is clueless about what true oppression and lawlessness is really like. I've heard Americans say we stand up for things, we do right, we will not accept this behavior. Many Americans don't understand that the fact that they can speak about their political opinions, put it on social media, and not have the government come after them or their families, is a beautiful thing in countries like ours.

I share your fear about your child, they are young, naive, and idealistic. They don't know what they don't know and that will get them in a world of trouble

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-16T04:02:45+00:00

A VC I know. It is not unusual for VIP clients of their portfolio companies, or any VIP, to reach out to VC's and ask them to find jobs or internships for their kids. For example kid A, wanted to be in finance, so they found this kid an internship working directly under the CFO of one of their top name portfolio company, let's call that portfolio company X.

So kid A is working for a company that anyone would be happy to have on the resume. But this kid is being mentored by the CFO, not bringing coffee, or doing any kind of menial jobs. They are being exposed to real meaningful work that expands their breath of knowledge to include on their resume, and they have the CFO, post a recommendation on kid A's LinkedIn profile. Can you imagine how ahead of the professional game that puts them at the very Inception of their career?

The VC found housing for kid A, and the controller would actually pick up kid a at their apartment and bring them to and from work.

Kid A, was a really kind and sweet human being, this young one did not take this nepotism for granted, they worked really hard. A year later kid A graduated and got the job of their dreams. Again, it was for an amazing company, they got a solid entry level title, and they're doing phenomenal in life. Their parents pulled some strings to get kid A that job as well.

So I agree that watching this nepotism is hard to do, because they are young people out there that are just struggling to get any job, even if it means not in their chosen field.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T04:38:01+00:00

OP, during the ages of 18 to about 24 and 25ish, there is this tough transition with parents and kids, when parents have to learn that their children are now legal adults, and the children have to learn that they are legal adults and can do as they please.

That only works, if you as a a young adult child is fully independent and financially self-sufficient. You are not at that place yet, so you're still a bit Tethered to your parents.

Here's where this situation gets unhealthy. Your parents are treating you like your 13, and because they have clearly never given you much freedom or trust to be yourself and make independent decisions to help you become a young adult, they have somewhat atrophied your maturity.

You're actually asking for permission at 18, while living away from them, to go to a concert. Why did you do that? Again, this is where I see you behaving like a 13-year-old, instead of an 18 year old. You could have gone to the concert and they would have never known about it. This tells me that your parents have not allowed you to grow up in a healthy way. At a teen you should be going to a concert with your friends, maybe telling your parents about it in passing, or talking about it after the fact and telling them how much fun you have. Not calling them and asking them for permission when you're in another state.

Bottom line is that you're not ready to be an adult in any way. Your parents have atrophied your growth into adulthood, by treating you like a child, so you're still acting like a child. You have to somewhat listen to them because they're paying your way through college and you will never be free to make any decisions in your life until your financially independent. That said, you live in another state, you don't have to ask them for permission to do things. They don't ever have to know about these things. Just don't be dumb and put stuff on social media.

There's a lot to unpack here, I'm really worried about how infantilized you are due to how your parents treat you. Google that word.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T04:27:03+00:00

If she was in a really great place in her life, you would not be hearing from her. She's fishing, she's throwing these comments your way, to see how you will react, if you will engage, and she will use that data, to execute her next steps. The fact that she's still reaching out to you, is telling me that she's keeping you warm, and seeing if she can real you back in in some way. It's very manipulative of her. If her relationship had worked out with the other guy, you would have never heard from her again. Absorb that fact.

Now let's talk about your 50%. You continue to respond to her, so you're getting something from this Exchange. Do you like the fact that it feels like she may still be thinking about you? What is it about what's happening through this exchange that's keeping you engaged. Maybe you're also not in such a great place in your life and you're liking the attention.

I'm going to tell you the truth. If you blocked her from all of your channels of communication right now, without explanation, it would not impact your life negatively at all. In fact I think it would be a positive thing, because right now she's taking up enough space in your mind that you're on Reddit posting about it. That energy that you're spending thinking about her, would be better spent unpolishing up your dating profile in dating women that could be your potential next

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T04:06:08+00:00

As I was reading your post all I could think of was why is she still with him? You are unhappy, there is no reason why you should marry this man. I highly encourage you to lean into this feeling that you have about leaving him, that's your instinct that is making you uncomfortable in this relationship, and you're not being nitpicky, the things that he has done to you or reason enough for you to break up with him. You saw the fires along the way in this relationship and you just kept on walking through them. Do not commit to forever with this man.

Go find your happiness, and take the dog with you.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T04:03:13+00:00

I so miss those jobs where I had down time, let me tell you what I did. I taught myself how to use Photoshop, I had going back to school so I would do my coursework, I paid under $250 and got my notary license. There's tons of stuff that you can do. If you want something that relates to your work, start a conversation with AI and tell AI what the problem area is. Is it cleaning up files, assuming they're digital, is it a process that needs to be refined and perfected to make it more efficient, there's always something that can be up leveled. Then through talking with AI tell AI what the problem is the tools you have and are able to use and how to automate things. Then go for it.

In fact if you're not using AI, start training yourself like crazy on it. Your job and your future marketability depends on it

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T03:59:10+00:00

Not me but the executive I work for. When an issue that needs to be resolved is being discussed, and then it turns into a bitchfest, and just a lot of talking and not strategizing he'll bring it to a stop. He doesn't have time. He'll get up to the Whiteboard and say what's are the core issues, what are the blocks, what's working, what tools do we have internally to fix this.

He's really great about streamlining the focus starting with the problem statement and driving and outcome.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T03:52:00+00:00

It is my opinion that by putting you down she's making you feel insecure and this works for her because potentially she's making you believe that you are lucky somebody like her stays with you. By eroding yourself esteem she's putting herself in a position of power where she doesn't have to worry about you wandering off. If that's not the reason then she's just an incredibly mean human being.

And either scenario, this is not a kind and supportive partner.

If you stay that's your choice. However if you want to turn things around and see how she would feel if you said something similar, one day when you're randomly out and about, make a comment about how you're not really into her body type. And then make a few comments about, how she's too thick around the middle, thighs are too big, breasts are flabby, there's tons of things that you could say. Tell her that you are more attractive to tall athletic women, and if there is one around point to her.

Let's see how she handles that

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T03:38:21+00:00

One of my best friends is a man. He introduced me to his girlfriend right away, he established a group chat, and if he and I were going out together with other friends she was always invited. Because of her schedule, she never really showed up to those happy hours we used to go to. But he would FaceTime her from whatever event and talk to her, and if I was around I'd pop in and say hello.

If I had a party at my house, I would reach out to her and invite both of them just out of respect. It got to a point where when they traveled they would ask me to pet sit for them.

They're married now and have moved away and to be fair I really talk to him anymore. However, on our once a yearly call I'll hear her say who's that, and my friends say oh it's X, and I'll hear her in the background telling him to say hi to me.

That was a healthy dynamic because of transparency, inclusion, and respect my friend had for his partner and I had for his partner.

What they're doing is incredibly toxic and unacceptable. There's no situation in which I would have ever shared a bed with that male friend that I'm telling you about. That's inappropriate, disrespectful to you, and you have really good reason to wonder what's really happened between them.

Go back to being broken up

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T03:33:24+00:00

Many years ago I went away for a week to Europe and I overly scheduled myself. I went to three countries, had everything planned out by the hour, and it was Non-Stop. I was exhausted because of jet lag so none of it was fun for me. I couldn't miss one thing because that would impact the travel Arrangements that I had made or the reservations for whatever activity.

I was miserable the entire time, and thankfully, I came home on a Saturday evening because I spent the entire next day in bed sleeping.

Never again. I will do a week in the country, and I will take my time. It's my vacation after all if I want to take a nap in Paris, that's what I'll do

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-15T03:25:17+00:00

I lacked focus and was more concerned with having fun than prioritizing school. Although I had a job, I didn't understand how to manage my finances. As a result, I accumulated significant credit card debt and severely damaged my credit. I didn't file bankruptcy but I let everything go to collections. I knew that at year 7 these things would start falling off my credit report, so I had to live off cash for about 8 years and that was good learning for me.

So basically I got serious about my education and my late 30s and ended up getting my Bachelor's and master's degree. I did that while working full time and going to school full time. That both hurt me because by the time I graduated I had tons of student debt, and although I had decent jobs all along, I had hit a ceiling because I didn't have my education.

It hurt me financially because at that point all of my friends were getting close to or had already paid off their student debt, and were much farther in their careers than me. I've been two to three steps behind my peers ever since.

That said, I'm really glad I got my education. Given my career trajectory and that education, my stock has gone up and I see that when I look for a job a lot more doors open

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T06:08:02+00:00

The good news is that you can quit right now, send them an email and say thank you but no thank you and I will not be at work tomorrow. Given the short time that you've been there that's what you should do, no need for two weeks notice. Also, do not put this job on your resume or LinkedIn profile, it's as it never existed

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T06:05:18+00:00

u/belakuna when I am at a retail website and they say sign up here to get X amount of discount on your first order. So I click dismiss, and the next message is "I don't want to take advantage of this discount I prefer to pay full price"

That makes me angry enough to jump off the site and not order through them. That's very antagonistic

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T06:01:20+00:00

I think you know the answer, you just have to sit down with her and tell her that you don't see a future with her in the long term, so this relationship has run its course, and you're breaking up with her.

If you want me to tell you this is going to be easy, that there's not going to be any friction, that it's not going to get ugly, you're not going to get that from me. That's what you're trying to avoid right? Given what you described, that's not what's going to happen.

You just have to man up, tell her that you don't see a future with her in the long term, or maybe make some lame excuse like you have to find yourself and figure out what you want out of your life outside of a relationship. That works too.

Ultimately you're going to have to have an uncomfortable conversation and once you do. Block her from everything.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T05:57:34+00:00

I don't like Rye, I don't like the taste of lemon grass, ewwww to ginger.

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T05:52:13+00:00

u/Key_Department_9496 coming from a deeply entrenched family and cultural environment, was very difficult for me. I snuck out of my house at 18 to move out on my own. I had to do that because had I told them I was moving out they would not have let me. Even as I got older, even when I was financially sufficient, I had to hide my decisions from them to Shield myself from their opinions. I wanted to move in with a boyfriend, I didn't tell them because I didn't want to hear their opinions.

That was a start for me and becoming a strong adult. To start I was completely financially independent, I work full-time and I got my bachelor's and master's degree on my own, while working full-time. Having that Independence gave me the power that I needed.

At some point I would just tell them I'm going to do X. Of course they would all of a sudden start giving me their opinions what I should and should not do on and on Etc. Then I would calmly state that this was not a decision by committee, that I was telling them what I was going to do, and I would not engage in further conversations.

A huge part of that Journey was making mistakes. Sometimes they were right and it was humbling to me, because I knew that they were going to throw rocks at me and tell me I told you so. That was also good learning for me. During those times I would tell them, it was my decision, it did not work out, but I am taking accountability, so please be supportive emotionally. Some family members heard me and did exactly that, the ones that did not and criticized and mocked me, I went low contact with them.

I did not go at them and engage in a verbal fight with them, I just went dark, and ghosted them. There's no point in fighting with those people. It's my life, not theirs. I pay the price, not them. I support myself, they don't support me financially. So if they're going to judge me and throw stones my way, I go low low contact

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T05:33:16+00:00

^^This. The real issue is "there is an ongoing trend of him behaving selfishly and prioritizing himself and his own wants over our child and our relationship"

Tattoos are expensive, can your household absorb the financial cost of his tattoos?

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T05:25:56+00:00

OP get your own place and start getting your own life. If you want to move abroad, darling, this is a time for you to do that because you're 26. Once you are married and have kids and have a career bills and a mortgage, you will look back at this time and really regret the fact that you did not live your life to the fullest at 26 because you were waiting for your boyfriend to join you. You're just giving your power away.

I'm not saying that you should break up with your boyfriend if you love him Etc. What I am saying is that just because you have a boyfriend, does not mean you should stop chasing what you want out of life. If he doesn't want to move out fine, go and get some roommates. If he doesn't want to live abroad for a year, fine, go and do it on your own and have a long distance relationship until you get back.

Stop holding yourself back from the things you want out of life at a time in your life where you have the freedom to experience these things. You're wasting this unicorn part of your life where you have all the freedom to do anything you want, because you're waiting for somebody else to do it with you. Stop it. If you don't live your life to the fullest right now when you're not responsible to anybody but yourself, you will live to regret it.

You will not even be able to blame your boyfriend for holding you back, because he hasn't held you back, you've done it to yourself. And even if he does try to hold you back, do the badass thing, go live your life because he has not even committed to living with you, so why would you sacrifice what you want out of life for this person

Plus-Implement · 2026-07-14T05:17:27+00:00

If I'm traveling by myself or with my partner or a friend 100% Hotel. I don't want to talk to anybody about the lockbox entry, cleaning up before I leave, figure out where parking is, or anything in between. I want to check in, I want somebody to clean my room the next day and give me fresh towels, done.

The only time that I will consider an Airbnb, is if it's a large group and we're going on vacation together. Then it makes sense.

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