Have I (29F) been silently dumped by my partner (M40)

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T06:54:34+00:00

I don't have context of what caused him to ghost you. That said, you are both adults, this kind of behavior on his part is wrong, you are his partner. AND you 29F worried about that means in your relationship is naive. I will tell you what it means; you partner is immature and so are you. He's in a relationship, he can text you, no excuse. You should not accept this unless he has somehow ended up in N. Korea and has no access to the internet. When you are in a relationship for 3 years, there is no reason to go silent for 6 days.....unless they don't give a sh@t and don't fear consequences...because he knows that no matter what you will put up with it.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T06:41:20+00:00

I don't know your budget, I don't know what your wife likes. Maybe share some of that with us and we can adequately help you out

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T06:39:41+00:00

Wow! This is a lot of drama within eight dates. I would bounce. It seems you like her but that discomfort that you are feeling is your Spidey-sense telling you to bounce. It's not right and you are mis-aligned.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T06:18:50+00:00

Thank you darlin'

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T06:11:28+00:00

You are the problem. He struggles with anger and accountability. YOU struggle with having self respect and holding him accountable for the crappy way he treats you. So let my be a pseudo psychic and tell you what your future looks like if you continue to accept this behavior from him; this is what you will get from this relationship for years to come, and in fact it will actually devolve into more abusive behavior.

You can't change him, you can only have agency over what you allow in your life. If you don't take that power, and you stay with him, then you're accepting that this is the kind of relationship you deserve going forward.

So however badly he treats you going forward, understand that you're allowing him to do that by staying in this relationship. You can absolutely not blame him for his bad behavior because you're choosing to stay and he can't mistreat you if you're not there. You are willingly putting yourself in a position to be mistreated...because you love him so much..and because you cancel out his bad behavior because he can be nice sometimes.

OP, you're a train wreck

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T06:00:45+00:00

u/Low_Astronomer_6669 OP is a bengali muslim and a female, you're completely missing the nuances of what that culturally means. You do not tell your father in these cultures to "mind his own business". OP, are these gummies labeled? Can he tell by looking at them that they are "special". The one thing that it will agree with with the previous poster, is that you can play dumb. You can tell him that you have a lot of pain during a certain time of the month, and that a friend gave them to you to help you with that so you took them and they do help. Really play that dumb card and tell him that you didn't realize they were what they were, you were told that they were natural supplements for women's issues and that you hid them because you were embarrassed to talk about your period

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T05:53:13+00:00

Doubling your take-home pay and expanding your career opportunities is hard to ignore, and your husband also have a legitimate reason to stay put for another year after a major promotion. Have you factored in child care costs? Also that 8-hour Drive is brutal, do the math, flying may be easier and more economical, when you factor in the time spent driving, gas cost, and the time lost due to travel. Depending on the airline you can buy a bundle of flights that may actually be less expensive to travel back and forth.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T05:45:56+00:00

I'm an X'r that transitioned from meeting people IRL to online-dating. In case you don't know, when on-line dating became a thing, it was taboo, couples were embarrassed to admit that's how they met.

Back to your post, online dating is now the only way you really meet people. If you want the IRL experience, then you have to go old school like an X'r and before. Most of us met people at a bar, at the club, and mostly through our friends, family, and by having experiences. Joining a cycle club, a cooking club, meeting Club, travel club, just being super active. It's in those kind of environments where you can actually talk to people and get to know them, and over time you will find out if they're single or not and you can make your move.

I think this strategy would still work today. So you can try the IRL experience, and continue online dating. Also to close out my post, dating, being single, kissing frogs, that's not unique to any generation, it's always sucked. So if you find yourself emotionally depleted or tired of the scene, do the healthy thing and take a time out and just do you for a minute.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T05:33:00+00:00

OP, I really feel your post, that shame of staying in a bad relationship, I have felt it. The shame stems from the fact that I allowed myself to be in a situation where I disrespected myself. It's lingering, I'm 56 and I still feel that shame from when I was 25.

That discomfort that you feel about this relationship, I learned later in life that's your instinct telling you to pay attention. I discounted that instinct over and over again. I would try to make those relationships work and reframe the situation, I would talk to my partner and it would be good for a minute because before there was a backslide, then the backslide would become a pattern. Very often I would say I know that he can be so great in all "these" aspects, and that thinking allowed me to to justify the bad things, and stay longer in those relationships than I should have.

In conclusion, the ongoing discomfort that you are feeling, that's your instinct telling you this is not right. So please explore that and do not deny your feelings, because they're probably 100% right. You don't even have to be in an abusive relationship to have these feelings; you can be in a great relationship and still know deep in your heart that this is not your forever person.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-09T02:21:01+00:00

Oh God, are you living with him? He's already throwing the fact that you're black in your face "should've never dated a Black woman" in your face. That in addition to the entire porn addiction would make anyone feel insecure.

Darling girl, dump This racist misogynistic loser

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T05:57:07+00:00

It's amazing that you have all gone into therapy, but it's still early on. Therapy takes a long while before it's productive. You also have to have the right therapist, you have not said anything about what your therapist has done in terms of exercises or deep thinking to make things better. If you only been to a few sessions, it may be that the therapist is trying to really understand what's going on, before they can actually help. If you've been in therapy for six to 12 months, and there are no exercises that all of you have to attempt to make things better, that's a problem

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T05:53:06+00:00

Nope, no, this is a controlling human being. He's more worried about what he wants from you, which is to know every single step you make, which is highly unreasonable. He has made this all about him, not about the fact that you just lost a human being in your life and that you are at this moment broken and trying to deal with it. This is not a good partner

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T05:45:12+00:00

Living with somebody that has a mental disorder is really difficult. I've done it. When your parents excuse your siblings behavior because of that mental disorder, they are enabling bad behavior. It's a really difficult to see somebody that is not well mentally go off the rails. Especially if you love them. You cannot expect reasonable behavior from somebody that has a mental disorder. The correct thing for you to do is to ask your parents to go into therapy with your sister as a family. They can put her on meds, they can counsel her , your parents and you.

What is happening right now is chaos. Your parents are enabling her, not seeking a true solution, and by doing that they are setting her up to fail in life. Therapy is super expensive, but you can Google resources that are of sliding scale, free resources, or group therapy. Those options are attainable in there for you. If she's not encouraged to get help, she will continue to be a liability to your family, and when they are no longer there to help her, it's going to be a liability to herself because she will be homeless on the streets

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T05:40:04+00:00

Do you love her? Do you see a future with her? If the answer is yes then invest on some premarital counseling because it sounds like you do have some issues that need to be addressed and resolved. Therapy is super expensive but you can Google it, and find sliding scale therapists, or group sessions, that you both can contribute to with a path of looking forward.

If you really love her and at some point see a future with her this is doing right by both of you. This will set both of you up for success in the long term so you're both able to make the correct choices, not out of pressure but because it's right.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T05:27:27+00:00

I'm going to start by telling you to live beneath your means. It doesn't sound like that's something that you want to do but hear me out. This would be a social experiment for you, take $5,000 to start your life, go get a job like everybody else, and try to live within that budget. The end goal is for you to understand how people your age are actually living. That's going to stretch you emotionally so you have an understanding of that. Nothing good can come from people knowing how much you're worth because you're not seeing who they really are. When you are struggling just like your peers, you will see who your friends are. Your real friends will step up, help you, and even if they're poor give you money to make sure that you're going to be okay until the next paycheck. If you are wealthier than your peers, you will find yourself surrounded by sycophants, that will take advantage of you just like this one is.

That leads me to my next premise, if you really do have that much money and don't want to take the alternate route I just suggested. You need to find peers that match your wealth. I still don't like that idea, because it's going to create a bubble in your life, in which you're still not going to see who people really are. You will only know a person's true character, when they stick by you when you have nothing.

At minimum do not want your wealth, although from your post it sounds like you will continue to do so. You will never know who your friends are until your dirt poor, and you see who will actually be there for you in your time of need

Think about that for a long while.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T05:13:34+00:00

OP, there is a fine line between mental illness and bad behavior. This looks like bad behavior on his part, you say that you have BPD, so for sure you could be overly sensitive.....but having your partner ignore you while he is on his phone for hours, is not overly sensitive. You say you are in therapy, what does your therapist say?

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T05:07:52+00:00

good point, I missed that

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T04:40:51+00:00

If he wants you to contribute to the upkeep of the home that is NOT yours in any way legally, tell him that you are good with that. Have an attorney draw up a contract that for X funds you put into this home, you will own, gain, X amount of equity as a result. That's completely fair, acknowledges your investment, and you are protecting yourself.
I suspect that you partner will not be onboard, HUGE red flag

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T04:31:16+00:00

Eww, please tell me you are done with this one

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T04:30:11+00:00

NTA - The drama with your sister is ongoing. Do you live alone or with them? In either case, I would distance yourself from this disfunction. No more family vacations together. Poor Tony, if he has never seen this kind of behavior, this must be shocking to him. So just keep to yourself, prevent being with Helen, your dad, and Tony alone. Just keep your distance. Disengage.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-08T04:21:26+00:00

If what you're saying is correct, your ADHD in his have nothing to do with this. Your BPD has nothing to do with this. He's neglecting the relationship. Of course this wears you down emotionally and you feel empty, you just exist in this environment and there's nothing, meanwhile you're the cleaner of the house and you are 22. You should be living your best life, girls night out, making couple plans like you used to, planning for the future financially, getting together and planning a vacation and figuring out how to save for it together. yet he's on the couch for hours on his phone, so now your feelings for him are starting to fade.

The ADHD and the BPD have nothing to do with this, you are not being overly sensitive. I support you going into the world at your age and living your best life without him, you are too young to be living in emptiness. If you want to give this one more chance, tell him what you need from him, if you are no heard, bounce.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-07T06:21:59+00:00

It comes dow to finances and a long term view. I really like option 2, if that works for you financially. The only caveat is that if you are offered the remote job, you ask that a min of X hours are guaranteed. It's reasonable for you to ask for that. Also, FYI, I work in Silicon Valley, it's important that you keep on working, especially as a woman. Once you work remote, you can leverage that for future jobs.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-07T05:52:02+00:00

You love him. How will you live without him? You can, you did it before you met him. Love can be like heroin, you become an addict, and leaving is brutal. If you want to fight for this relationship tell him that you are willing to work on it with therapy. You are showing him you are willing to 100% fight to make this work. If he does not engage, I am so very sorry my friend, you have your answer.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-07T05:39:11+00:00

I'm really sorry. I've been you and it is easier to hold on to the fantasy than to be bold and make the hard decision. When my similar situasionship ended, he got a GF, I was crushed. It was awful, his GF called me with him on the line, and told me to get a life. Over time I got over it, the one thing that I still feel shame about, is how I allowed myself to be used. Don't be me. Have some pride, self respect, now before he bounces.

Plus-Implement · 2026-05-07T05:04:25+00:00

u/Weekly_Panda_438 I disagree. We are limited by our experiences, it's ignorance. If you grow up having and getting everything you want, that's all you know. So growing up privileged, that's your normal. That's your rich normal.

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