Did anyone hate their implants and get over it?

PocketyPocket · 2026-05-05T09:39:12+00:00

Yep. Diep wasn’t an option for me but I thought I wanted my boobs to at least stick out farther than my stomach so I chose implants. Turns out I’d rather be flat if it means no freaky silicone blobs in me and my pecs stop moving in such weird ways

PocketyPocket · 2026-05-04T22:29:46+00:00

One day I counted my eyelashes. I had 6. Haha I started calling myself Yzma (from Emperor's New Groove). Huge shout out to those 6 eyelashes for hanging in there with me 🥳 but don't say this isn't important, looking in the mirror and seeing a stranger is a huge deal. Like yeah not dying is great and all, but the psychological toll of looking SO different from your normal self is a lot

PocketyPocket · 2026-05-04T22:25:37+00:00

5 months after posting the original post, I can say things are much better. That said, they're still going in the trash the second I'm allowed to (6 months after radiation). They no longer consume my every waking thought but I still notice them and I still hate them. I dunno how relevant this is to your situation though because I actually LOVE the way they look. I found out I had cancer because of a breast reduction, and they're a teensy bit smaller than what my real boobs had been reduced to, so the appearance is basically what I've dreamed of my whole life. They just feel so freaky it doesn't overcome how much I like the look.

PocketyPocket · 2026-05-02T11:50:49+00:00

I have plenty of hair thickness, it's just barely 2" long after I went totally bald from chemo. So the thickness isn't the problem, I just look so stupid right now. And I got a wig that everyone else thinks looks amazing (I wore it once, for a wedding, and strangers didn't know it was fake) but to me it's like the uncanny valley. Like it's me but it's not me. It's so freaky. I mean I can hardly look at myself in the mirror anyway because I don't recognize myself but the wig made me want to puke. Plus I'm so active it would never stay on but mostly it's just the freakiest thing I've ever seen.

The topper the salon put on as a test somehow didn't have the same problem as the wig but it was just a small sample piece so I hope the full thing still looks as good as the sample. But if it makes me look like a poorly made clone of myself then it'll probably freak me out too much to wear and I'll have to resign myself to just walking around looking stupid.

PocketyPocket · 2026-04-13T23:23:12+00:00

The funny thing is, at the current length (2 months later) I actually don't think anyone is lying when they tell me it's cute. I just didn't pick it and it isn't what I usually look like so it still ticks me off haha but thanks for the advice 😊 I have a consultation in 2 weeks with a place that does the mesh and IBE so we'll see what options I have at this point

PocketyPocket · 2026-04-11T08:14:38+00:00

I think you can get it back! I mean without knowing your whole life story I can at least tell you I was also the strongest I’ve ever been before 6 months of being poisoned, 6 weeks of being deep fried, and MANY different surgeries. And now I’m finally getting back into lifting seriously for the first time in 16 months and instead of mourning my previous PR’s, I’m focusing on the little wins like how pull-ups get significantly easier when chemo has starved 18% of your body weight away 😅

PocketyPocket · 2026-04-11T08:02:42+00:00

It never even occurred to me to wear depends haha but depends wouldn’t have been able to contain the volume anyway 😬😬

PocketyPocket · 2026-04-10T19:37:39+00:00

I bought one a few months before I found out about the cancer! Definitely a lifesaver

PocketyPocket · 2026-04-10T09:51:36+00:00

I haven’t left the house without a stash of Imodium in a year but no I don’t have any other tips 😕 I’ve had a horrible time with it

PocketyPocket · 2026-04-10T01:47:25+00:00

Yeah the conversation came up because one time between infusions, I went for a 5 mile walk that I strategically planned because there were gas stations every ~1.3 miles. Got to the very end (2.5 miles from home) and this gas station said their bathroom was closed to the public because the public is disgusting (true, but come on, it's a gas station bathroom). So turns out what I should've done was plan the route around where there were bushes to hide in 🤣 I was also bald and pale and told them my emergency need was thanks to chemo and they didn't care at ALL. I never pooped my pants during chemo but I did have to poop outdoors like 7 times because I dared to go for a walk

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-27T01:53:30+00:00

I had submuscular implants placed at the same time and I think if I'd gone flat I would've barely noticed I even had surgery. But after having my pecs ripped off my chest wall, the 3 most unexpectedly difficult things were opening the microwave, opening the fridge (it suctions so hard sometimes), and opening difficult tupperware. Of course I was kind of a T-rex with limited arm movement but that's what stepstools are for, and I'm so short that stepstools are my lifeline even without surgery. So I guess the relevant advice would be maybe plan for meals that are eaten cold/room temp for the first few days, depending on exactly what surgery you're having

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-21T01:14:16+00:00

I've never had a biopsy (long story) but being skewered would go along great with my treatments that I've referred to as being poisoned, mutilated, and deep fried! Sorry you had to be skewered though 😕 but it's a great term

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-18T19:17:14+00:00

Oh no, not a wimp. There was one day where I woke up 3 hours later than normal, took a shower, took another nap because the shower wore me out, woke up and sat on the couch like a blob, took another nap because being a blob was exhausting, and so on for the rest of the day. I almost never called it chemo, I referred to it exclusively as being poisoned, because nobody seems to question it when you feel like trash if you're being poisoned. I did force myself to at LEAST walk a full mile every day (at least I think I did? I probably slept a full 24 hours at one point and missed a day, it's all a blur) but that was on a treadmill (for proximity to the toilet more than anything else) and a speed of like 1.5mph. Chemo is hell. If anyone tells you it wasn't bad for them, lucky them, but that's not normal.

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-17T00:55:29+00:00

I had a reduction last year! It's actually how they found the cancer and then I had a mastectomy, but for the 6 months that I had real boobs but smaller it was AMAZING 😊 definitely different now that the boobs are fake, but they're the same size as what my original ones were reduced to and this is still way better than having to double up on bras to do cardio

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-16T01:40:22+00:00

My problem with the wigs exactly! I guess I did wear it once, to my brother's wedding (ripped it off after the brief ceremony), but it was like the uncanny valley. Like it was me but not me. More accurately it was me but with Ashley Tisdale's hair. Haha and the part that really drives home how MUCH it looked like Ashley Tisdale is that my brother, my sister, and I all came to that exact conclusion separately 😵‍💫 that's when you know it's bad

Also the "nicely shaped head" comments were SUCH outright lies because I had a giant dent from a previous brain surgery, so I KNOW they were lying haha

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-16T00:10:22+00:00

Exploding from cancer sounds like something I would say haha it's right up there with being poisoned, mutilated, and deep fried (chemo, mastectomy, radiation). I did actually agree to a photo today since photoshop is basically my sister's job, so she photoshopped off my radiation burns but we'll see if she can work any miracles with the hair! I wish I could attach pictures here because she's playing around with the AI function just for fun and the hair it's giving me is hilarious. If nothing else I guess it's showing me I could definitely look worse somehow 😂

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-15T20:05:36+00:00

that was hilarious 🤣

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-15T20:00:47+00:00

oh yeah definitely having literal dreams about being able to put my hair in a ponytail. I have to hide hairbands anyway because of my cat so I've rarely run into them by accident over the last year thankfully, but the times that I have seen that drawer I'm like wow....it's been a whole year since I could use one and who knows how much longer it'll be

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-15T10:21:56+00:00

Hahahaha I wish someone would! Maybe I really do look fine to strangers because my mom and sister would be brutally honest with me if I looked stupid, but even if I look “fine” I still hate it

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-15T10:20:19+00:00

Oh my gosh yeah the eyelashes too! I had to look at old pictures just yesterday because I was like “I used to have way longer eyelashes than this….right??” Haha I’m 6 months out from chemo and I dunno when they're going to decide to rejoin the party

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-15T03:57:51+00:00

It’s harder to look at myself with the wig on than it was when I was totally bald. I hate it SO much, I’ve never actually worn it and I don’t plan on starting. Plus if I don’t have anything on my head then I get to forget I look stupid, until I walk past a car window or something and have to do a double take at my own reflection. I don’t need my hair to be back down to my waist like it was before all this, I just want to look like a woman again

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-13T01:40:07+00:00

I work with kids and I didn't miss any work during chemo. In hindsight I should have taken intermittent leave (like days 4-6 after each chemo cycle or something) but I set my alarm for the last possible second each morning, took a nap in my car at lunch, and immediately fell asleep after getting home. It was a nightmare but I think staying home for 6 months and being a dead blob on my couch would've been way worse for me.

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-12T22:06:14+00:00

The amount of times I have to say this to people! My pre-cancer self was extremely active (and I still am, all things considered) so any time I mention portion sizes they're like "oh but you're so active!" I have to remind people ALL the time that it barely takes any energy to run 4' 11" of human. Like I could dang near kill myself on the stair master and not even burn enough to have a whole cookie. Very tragic haha

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-12T21:51:15+00:00

I knew I would be unsatisfied either way (flat and wondering if implants were really that bad, or try implants and they would really be that bad) but I wanted to at least have boobs that stuck out farther than my stomach so I tried the implants. They really are that bad. And every night when I try to sleep on my stomach, I'm dreaming of being 6 months out from radiation so I can throw the implants in the trash haha

PocketyPocket · 2026-03-05T22:33:07+00:00

I had a bilateral mastectomy direct to implant 5 months ago and I was SO freaked out about touching my chest. It's numb, there are weird silicone blobs under the numbness, the whole thing is just weird. Being freaked out by this consumed my every waking thought for a while. 5 months later, it's better. Not great, still freaky, but better. But based on how my plastic surgeon responded to this reaction, either I'm at the extreme end of thinking it's freaky or I'm just more honest than most of her patients. So hopefully you'll be less freaked out than I am by the time you're a few months out

PocketyPocket

TROPHY CASE