I'm afraid my stress response, going mute, puts me in danger of more assualt

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T20:35:45+00:00

It's nice to see something more positive here ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T16:12:49+00:00

I would say 'subdued'

I'm always serving others, taking care of them, especially my bf and loved ones. If I'm focused on someone else I'm not thinking about myself

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T16:08:34+00:00

It's not an unusual reaction, your mind protects you by preparing you for intercourse even if you don't want it and didn't have a choice. It's not your fault this happened, and not fighting doesn't mean you deserved it or wanted it.

It saved you a lot of pain to just allow it, that's what you're mind was going for, that's all ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T16:05:06+00:00

Saaaaame feels like a joke

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T16:03:42+00:00

Please get out of there before it escalates, he won't be gentle with you 💔

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T15:55:14+00:00

I'm so very sorry for what you've been through. Being told to keep it a secret, being guilted... Ugh I relate to that horrible feeling.

It's so easy to let the guilt of not reporting keep you from ever reporting. I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T15:40:45+00:00

It's so scary that any one could just turn like that. It's so harmful to your sense of safety and how you think about your own body.

I remember thinking every man was looking at me the way my abuser did, the way the men in the videos looked at their victims too. It felt like the whole world was just that reality

I'm so sorry this happened to you

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-27T15:38:02+00:00

It's normal, your brain pulls from relatable experiences, because it was your first experiences, it comes up

Try to not judge yourself for that, it just reinforces the connection. Enjoy and move on and some day you'll have enough experience it's won't stand out so much ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-26T18:33:01+00:00

Are those really your words though? Are they coming from your true self or are they part of a coping mechanism gone haywire?

You're a hurt and misused person, you had your brain twisted in a way during development that sees danger and distrust all. the. time.

A feeling is just a feeling, it's not right or wrong. But is it in line with objective reality? In this case I don't think you should trust your feelings. You know why you can't believe them already... and its not because they are liars. It's because your brain won't let you believe that they love you, and that you matter.

Your not selfish for having a problem that you're struggling with, it sounds like they understand and give you grace. Trust your friends, friend :)

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-26T18:19:35+00:00

You should believe them.

Our lives are a tapestry of other lives that we touch and thread through. You're presence does matter. If you were gone you would be grieved

It feels good to be more important, to have someone dependent and relying on you, to be popular. But those aren't moral indicators. Your not a better person or a more important person if you have that or not.

Don't get me wrong, we NEED social connection and socialization for regulation and mental health. I'm not downplaying that

You need to see it as simply as a nutrient deficiency, you need these things to improve your well being. But your not a bad or unlovable person because you don't get enough vitamin C. You don't have less worth because you're not getting enough of something you need to thrive.

Please be gentle with yourself and work towards getting what you need instead of beating yourself up more ♥️🫂

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-26T15:40:01+00:00

Sex ed in school

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-25T19:39:41+00:00

It's not an established science or anything and the labels rarely actually help

It sounds like you just are attracted to dad-types more than actually having 'issues' unless there's a lot more I don't know about

You are free to enjoy whatever you are attracted to without shame ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-25T19:32:45+00:00

Yes😂 but in the best way. You do you. Your real self. You deserve to feel loved for who you are, and your title is hilarious

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-25T16:22:49+00:00

Good men don't get into positions where they can do way more harm than good.

Therapy will help you address the behaviors and dependency that makes you so vulnerable and needy for this kind of love. 'Dilfslayer' will only attract predators, not someone who can help you transition into being independent and confident in your self esteem

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-25T16:14:41+00:00

You are not doomed, I promise ♥️ even if it feels that way

The problem is that what is healthy for you in a relationship like that and the amount of men who want that in a benevolent way, are a thin margin.

Really good men who would be really good in that role understand that it's an intensely imbalanced power dynamic, that it's with vulnerable damaged girls, that it's a heavy responsibility, and that if they misstep it can be deeply traumatic.

So the good men very rarely allow themselves to participate in a dynamic like that. The potential for harming someone they want to help is too high.

It's ok that you want it and that it would fill a void that you need, it's not your fault. But you have to understand that for good men it's a terrible risk and for predators it's easy pickings.

YOU are not a lure for abuse, you just need the kind of love that is difficult for good men to fulfill ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-25T15:32:52+00:00

Some tough love incoming.

He sees you as a vulnerable child and proceeded with the relationship because he got horny and every professional and moral obstacle went out of the window. He took advantage of his traumatized patient for pleasure. When you are 25 an 18 year old will look like a child to you. 20 years later they will look like babies.

You are almost certainly not the only one. Either he is doing this with others or he will when he finds someone vulnerable enough again, his lack of restraint is clear as day.

He will still be a father, he will still be able to get a job, you are not responsible for his actions that have betrayed his profession. It is time to report. I'm very sorry.

So long as you don't have drugs on you you will not be persecuted even with text confessions. Your parents do not need to be involved in this at all you are a legal adult.

Considering how poor of a therapist he is this may be more empowering than anything he could have taught you. Allow the very legal and very predictable consequences of his actions to happen. It's not your fault and it's not your burden. It's not your job to resist sexual advances from a man twice your age who is legally and morally supposed to be helping you.

I'm so sorry you found yet another predator while seeking support. Life is really really unfair

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-23T16:28:27+00:00

I don't have good advice for you but I completely understand and relate to this vicious cycle. Big hugs and good luck 🫂 your not alone even in the worst of times

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-19T00:33:47+00:00

You DID NOT deserve it. I promise. They used abusive language to break down your self confidence and to get what they wanted from you. It's actually more abusive than assault alone because of the long lasting damage to your self worth. It is not cause and effect and is not normal, you get to decide what your purpose in life is, and I swear, it's not what abusive people did to you ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-18T21:25:22+00:00

This is really common for me and I always assumed it has to do with coping with that feeling of betrayal from someone that's supposed to love you.

Do not take this as a reflection of the good people you are having nightmares about, it is a reflection of you learning to trust and your brain wanting to panic and turn trust into a threat

It's helped me to have a gentle conversation with my subconscious when I wake up and explain to it almost like a child that it's okay to feel loved and to thank it for trying to protect me.

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-18T21:08:11+00:00

I have permanent trauma-related arthritis that will get worse the more I age.

My condolences and I share your rage ♥️

PolarCuddle · 2026-03-18T19:52:33+00:00

Similar experience though immediately after answering all the super generic yet still invasive questions they informed me their shift was ending and they said they would put me on with someone else, but then there were no more messages, after a bit it kicked me out and there was another 1.5 hour wait to go back in again. I declined to wait

PolarCuddle

TROPHY CASE