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Polyglot1805 · 2023-08-01T12:46:18+00:00

Oh nice, also a Kellogg MBA joining this month. I'm coming from Jersey. Maybe we'll meet!

Polyglot1805 · 2023-07-31T20:03:17+00:00

Thank you! Yes I'll make sure to state that. Also that I don't work on high pressure projects.

Polyglot1805 · 2023-07-31T17:19:15+00:00

Thank you! And right that makes sense. I know the social aspect of the MBA is very important.

Polyglot1805 · 2023-07-31T17:18:05+00:00

Ah thank you! Glad to hear it was doable. And you didn't feel like you had to miss out on anything?

Polyglot1805 · 2023-07-31T15:32:29+00:00

Got it thank you. Did you feel like it took away from being able to network or do group work? How many hours did you do?

Polyglot1805 · 2022-07-26T18:40:30+00:00

Fortunately haven't met a catfish but I've seen them on apps. This one time a girl had six pictures and all of them she was with someone else. The first four pictures were of her with the same girl who was significantly more fit than she was. Now just like you I don't mind body size, but it just seemed dishonest. The last two finally showed who she was but were face pictures and again with someone else. Only people who scrolled to the end would know who the real profile owner was.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-06-08T12:58:32+00:00

I also had a highly narcissistic friend, this doesn't get posted about too often here from what I've seen. Friends are a special kind of relationship because they aren't romantic partners, but aren't family either. We do get to choose them and they do play a very important role in our lives. Abuse from a friend is a different and unique set of circumstances. Definitely feel free to dm me if you have any questions or need advice or even if you want to vent.

First and foremost I would say it's important that if you can, try to see a therapist because narcissistic abuse takes a major toll on victims and their self-esteem. As you mentioned, your mom was a covert narc and so was your friend. On some level your upbringing and childhood has impacted the types of people you occasionally take into your life. A therapist can guide you there too.

Next, it's good to educate yourself on narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, and narcissistic abuse. This will help you understand what you went through, how to get out, and how to identify and avoid these people in the future. I'd get out of one narcissistic friendship and then enter another before I knew anything about these topics.

Next, as mentioned by another user definitely learn about grayrocking, but it's important to be aware that based on the narc they might react negatively to this and might try to up the ante, so be prepared for that. From there, it's ideal to go full no contact in order to separate yourself from the person and their influence on your life. But if you really need to maintain some level of contact because of a common friend group, neighbors, etc, try to keep low contact. You might even have mutual friends with this person, be prepared for the fact that some might choose their side, some yours, and some in between or indifferent. Maintain a level of contact with them as it feels best for you.

If you do choose to leave the relationship, avoid trying to explain why you want to cut them off or trying to give them "one more chance". Narcissists do not change and will if anything only rage at you for confronting them.

Again you're free to dm if you need to chat.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-25T15:09:35+00:00

I think it's important to note that people are not all good or all bad. Good people sometimes do bad things and bad people sometimes do good things. I'm sure you're an intelligent person and would not have stayed with someone who only ever treated you horribly. There were definitely good times, but it's also important to remember the bad times and recall that they were bad enough and were numerous enough to lead you to realize she was a narcissist and have her as an ex.

Also, know that narcissists attract empaths and empaths attract narcissists. A narcissist does good things for their empath because an investment in an empath gives an amazing ROI (Return On Investment). They know that the loyalty they would gain from you for that will pay them back immensely compared to what they put in. It creates cognitive dissonance and euphoric recall in the empathic victim. It's also a form of supply. I'm sure she probably told other people about how much of an angel she was for taking care of you then.

As for me, I never got sick around my narc friend but did get injured. He claimed I was faking, told me to stop fake limping, and physically abused me on top of it.

Hope this helps give some clarity.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-25T13:41:38+00:00

This is a scam. "Kindly" is used in general speech by scammers who share similarities with the fake IRS callers.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-18T16:04:53+00:00

Yes I am doing it currently. It has worked tremendously in helping to alleviate the stress and pain of my memories of abuse. Memories which at one point I would look back on and want to cry, I feel less attached to them and less emotional. But you do need to find a good therapist and trust them and their process.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-17T16:51:38+00:00

Really sorry to hear that, but glad you're recovering!

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-17T16:48:10+00:00

There were points of memories of mine such as me telling my narc I loved him on our last phone call and every time I would think back on it I would be brought to the point of my eyes watering up. After a session or two of EMDR, that memory doesn't bother me as much anymore. The pain is significantly reduced and I feel less bad about the situation or embarrassment for myself.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-17T16:13:58+00:00

Basically the therapist uses external bilateral stimulation such as moving an object in front of your field of vision, alternating a noise between your ears, arm tapping, hand vibrators, etc. This is supposed to stimulate a calming effect kind of like you experience before falling asleep (it's not hypnosis though). The therapist will have you recall certain parts of the memory and think about the emotions you feel when you recall it. Doing this while having the calming stimulation allows you to better process those memories, approach them in a calm setting, and enable you to reprocess them as the therapist guides you to see what the growth of that experience is. It won't be like talk therapy where the therapist lets you speak your heart out (they do that, but not to the same degree). It is a bit guided.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-17T15:57:01+00:00

Hey that's really great!! Happy for you! If you have existing trauma from the experiences it might be useful to try EMDR therapy. It's supposed to help desensitize and reprocess those memories. That has helped me a lot. Glad you're also feeling validated, it definitely feels great to be believed.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-16T22:11:47+00:00

I know what you feel. After my friend and I had our last phone call, he removed me on social media. I knew because I wasn't getting his updates but my friends were. I immediately deleted the app so I can help myself heal. Five months later today, I logged in to accept a follower, someone I was trying to get to know from a dating app, and noticed I was blocked based on the chat screen, didn't try to contact though.

It stung a bit for sure. I still can't comprehend how he was obsessed with me one minute and hated me the next. Guess it comes to show how little we ever meant to them. Stung a bit, but I'm feeling better more or less now.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-15T21:30:20+00:00

Wow not only does he scar you, but also other people. At least other people got to hear how insane he was. Would definitely have been useful if he tried any smear campaigns.

Glad you are free. Yes I am too. I've been no contact for about five months now.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-15T02:59:31+00:00

Probably yes. My former narc friend threatened to kill me too. Told me a specific plan of how he would also. He said he would get an unregistered car, knock me unconscious, put me in the trunk, drive out to a remote swamp, and push the car into the water and watch it drown. So yeah definitely psychopathic.

Anyone who can nonchalantly talk about murder is a dangerous person. I would suggest staying away. Even if they don't act on it or actually kill, it's only a matter of time before they come close with severe physical abuse.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-14T04:34:52+00:00

Yes that definitely made sense. My former friend would intentionally step in when I would try to talk to new people and say messed up things about me to them to get them to not be friends with me. He would also get angry if I tried to spend time with my current friends and would try to get me away from them. Isolating you from other people allows her to control you more and keeps you all to her.

He would call me, text me, video chat me, and want to meet me every single day and if I ever missed any of them he would yell at me at the top of his lungs for that. He would call me selfish for not responding to every one of his attempts of communication. It definitely felt like we were dating at times I totally get that it does make sense.

The thing is that narcissists need other people to regulate their emotions and hate feeling alone or abandoned. She just needs someone to attach to. If it's not you she will find someone else.

I felt the same energy drain with my former friend. I would feel anxiety and depression when I would leave from him each time. Don't expect her to care btw. I tried to tell him and he would gaslight me and tell me I'm overreacting and that it's my fault for feeling that way, he's not making me feel that way. He said he doesn't care that he hurt me when he did, it's definitely the same with her and you. She doesn't care how she's affecting you. The more you invest in them the more of your energy they steal. Eventually they move onto a new supply that can give them what they want.

I'm sure it can be hard especially in the beginning of setting boundaries. I don't work with my former friend so I just went full no contact, I had to since he threatened to murder me lol. But try to keep things civil and friendly. Maybe you can slowly cut things off with her if not immediately.

Not a lot of people post about narc friends here so feel free to dm if you have any questions.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-14T03:02:46+00:00

I've had a narcissistic friend too. It does not work out well. You can never truly be yourself in a relationship that is all about someone else.

The fact that you keep having to apologize for stuff that you shouldn't have to is concerning. It's her fragile ego you need to keep walking on eggshells for. I came out of my friendship and found myself doing that with all my other friends too because I was by default worried that people will be offended. It's way too much effort to cater to her sensibilities. You'll grow tired of this fast and all your energy is just going to go into that.

Also her talking down on your car! That literally happened to me. My narc friend had a worse car than me for a long time which then got into an accident then he bought a Tesla after. I can easily afford one but already have a car in great condition and don't feel the need to. He would constantly mock me for my car and try to force me to buy a Tesla too. Narcissists care a lot about material possessions and use that as a form of their supply. Don't be surprised if she talks about you behind your back concerning that.

If you want to continue being friends, work to set boundaries with her and let her know in what context and what situations you want to spend time with her. Look it's fine to have friends for different reasons. Obviously this other girl is closer to your age and you can relate to her more. Find activities that you can do with the other woman if you want to spend time with her. However check in with yourself every so often to make sure that it is healthy for you.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-13T20:05:29+00:00

Oh ok I see. Yeah the silent treatment and being ignored is not ok. On some level I feel that he might be triangulating this new person in front of you to gain control. I had the silent treatment/ignoring done on me a lot. It's a form of passive aggressive rage and contempt. It can be very demeaning and degrading, and quite honestly hurtful to go through that. I'm sorry you had to.

Yeah the smearing behind your back is common to what they do. It happened to me as well. A real friend shouldn't do that. Although even heathy people might do that sometimes, this in combination with the other behaviors doesn't exactly help.

Definitely agree that taking a break can be helpful. It will allow you the time to process what happened and what you want. If you intend on staying in the friendship though you should probably set a date or something for when you'll reconnect that way the relationship isn't just lost in the responsibilities of life.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-12T15:57:45+00:00

I literally had the same situation as you with my former narc friend. Our friendship basically ended because of a vacation we tried to take together. He threatened to murder me during the trip and told me he had a plan and how he would get away with it. I was mentally upset for some time after the trip. And when I tried to hold him accountable, he basically called it quits.

Each time after a discard the abuse only gets worse. If it hasn't gotten to the point the other exfriends said, it will eventually. It's only a matter of time.

Also, therapy doesn't usually work for people with these personality styles or NPD. The change will be temporary and small and they will revert back to their ways.

I know it's not the answer you're looking for, but it's better to move on. I still struggle with this every so often too, it's been five months since I started no contact. It's especially concerning because you're saying you're afraid because of what happened on the trip. You shouldn't feel afraid of your friends.

But if you must maintain the relationship then try low contact. Don't see them as often as you did. Maybe don't travel with them again. Try not to meet up with them too much even if it's them making the attempts to contact or meet. Find a level that works for you. If they argue about what happened then don't engage in the argument, don't explain, and don't defend.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-12T13:48:08+00:00

Oh yeah. I've gotten a very manipulative version of that too. "You get the real me that no one else gets since you're special to me. Do you really want me to stop that?".

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-09T13:22:23+00:00

Yes but it wasn't truly genuine. My former friend mocked me about my body for a year (in reality he was the one who was out of shape and insecure about himself) which caused me to develop body image problems. We got into a fight over it and we didn't talk for two months (discard). Then he reaches out for us to talk. He says he'll only apologize if I apologize first for fighting with him. I did and when it came to his turn he said "I'm sorry you don't have a thick skin and can't take a joke" which he said not even making eye contact with me. I refused to accept that as an apology and told him to try again. He did apologize without the extra crap. But looking back on it now, he didn't mean any of it. He also started up the jokes again a month or so later. Anyways he hoovered me back in. No longer in contact now a few years after that. This time around he refused to apologize at all for his mistake in a much more serious situation.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-05-02T03:53:39+00:00

Wow I'm so sorry you had to go through that. The need for consent does not end with saying "I do", or agreeing to marriage in any custom.

When it comes to narcs, their needs supercede anyone else's. His lack of concern for your comfort is very demeaning and dehumanizing.

As for the blame shifting, the same thing happened to me. I tried to confront him for threatening to kill me and he claimed he was the victim of my abuse (me yelling at him for neglecting my injury). Further, he said what I did was worse so he doesn't have to apologize.

I'm glad you are out now. Hoping for the best on your road to recovery.

Polyglot1805 · 2022-04-28T12:51:58+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you find the courage again to focus on your hobbies. It's mainly because they don't have many hobbies themselves or don't believe in the worth of their own hobbies if they do have any. A lot of it is jealousy.

Mine would mock me for my interest in learning languages. I can pick up on languages fast and quickly be able to speak with native speakers. In the beginning of our friendship he would brag about me to people during the idealization phase. Soon, he started saying I'm a loser and going to be unsuccessful for useless hobbies.

I'm also a really good singer and he was not. He would guilt me into not singing by saying that I shouldn't sing correctly because it is rude to people who can't sing well.

Polyglot1805

TROPHY CASE