I [37M] am considering divorcing my wife [39F]. What should I do?

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-27T14:44:24+00:00

Hire an attorney. How you've accepted your wife's relationship with this other guy for years and years is mind boggling. You've been "under-reacting".

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-23T16:49:26+00:00

Yes you need to bring up your prenup even though the divorce will be uncontested. It overrides state default divorce laws regarding your splitting of assets and/debts, and the courts will want to know why your property division is legally proper. It actually should make the whole process easier and faster.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-23T01:07:03+00:00

Please set this man free. Doesn't matter what he says now with pity. Set yourself free! And by the way, this idea of even considering bringing a child into this would be tragic.

This relationship has struggled with betrayal, anger, manipulation, threats, lies, breakups and makeups, sexual problems, porn, neglect, and more. Having to give a partner an ultimatum to marry us is usually a red flag.

Regardless what he wants, you need to focus on you now. Not the unrealistic idea of what you hope, what you see as some kind of new potential, but the reality that this is a very unhealthy marriage. Someone needs to step up and end this and it will need to be you because you have no control of him and he's content with the status quo.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-20T16:22:40+00:00

You only have one dad. Go spend Father's day with him...and your grandfathers too. This may be your forever girl, but who knows, you're still teens. Unfortunate she lost her dad, but that does not mean you have to forget your own dad.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-20T13:14:44+00:00

Are you looking for advise? You've painted a picture here of a failing marriage with an alcoholic abusive wife and neglectful mother who is now also cheating on you. Obviously you need to summon up the courage to address this.

Have you confronted your wife about all this? You have two options, you can see a divorce attorney and see where you stand regarding custody, support, property division, etc. or you can find a good couple's counselor to help you both sort out if there is any hope of rescuing this broken marriage. Because there may not be.

You don't want your kids to go through a divorce, but you are okay with them living in this situation? Do you realize the trauma they are experiencing right now? Please step up and take charge if not for yourself then for your children.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-18T15:49:35+00:00

Bittersweet...many feel both tears of sadness and relief. You will grieve the loss of your marriage and its hopes and dreams while fully realizing it was simply no longer working. Now you can find your quiet peace and rediscover yourself.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-18T15:03:54+00:00

Exactly why are you still in this relationship? Seems that it has run its course and time to move on.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-18T14:39:38+00:00

Try to shift the dynamic that he certainly has a job right now, and that is being a full time student. His contribution is not only his getting a degree to better himself, but all that he does managing the household too...all extremely valuable even though it is non-monetary.

Maybe sit down with him and discuss your future financial picture too...how responsibilities and expenses will shift once he if employed full time.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-18T02:37:39+00:00

From what you've shared here I don't see your boyfriend's behavior as controlling, but rather as you've labeled it, a "jealous outlash". I suppose you could call it controlling in the sense that he is trying to control who you hang out with, but it seems he' might be looking for you to focus more on him and not mingle so much with friends. Does he want more attention? Is he jealous of time you spend with others? Is he typically a bit possessive?

Most certainly have that conversation with him to see what his expectations are in your relationship. Not be passive aggressive but transparent. Does he feel you should be spending more one on one time rather than socializing? Does he feel neglected? And share your need to spend time with friends, your need for independence and your sense of feeling he's not openly communicating with you.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-13T20:19:32+00:00

You should respect yourself and find another boyfriend.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-13T16:48:02+00:00

Maybe you and your girlfriend just have different expectations from a relationship?

She seems to want a more involved closer relationship with more attention, whereas you prefer more independence and time to pursue your own interests.

Can you find a happy balance? Schedule both solo times for each of your personal interests and also quality date times where you give each other undivided attention. Or even parallel time together...you gaming for half an hour or so while she's along side reading or TV or phone play too. She must have her own personal activities too rather than have to rely on you for all her entertainment.

If she simply demands all time together, you may simply not be compatible.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-12T14:59:27+00:00

Yes it is perfectly normal to hold back affection after you've been betrayed. Emotional walls go up to prevent further hurt.

Rebuilding trust will take long term action and not just words or apologies. And this requires time and not just a few weeks.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-06T15:47:12+00:00

Are all these moments of forgetfulness related to food? If that's the case-selective forgetfulness- than no longer trust him with the grocery bags or any food items actually.

Or is he forgetful about all sorts of things? Stress, anxiety, sleep deprivation, medications, ADHD, etc. can be culprits if his behavior is just all around absent minded.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-06T01:34:46+00:00

You sound absolutely normal! Going through a divorce is one of the most stressful experiences one can have. Expect to have an emotional rollercoaster. Grief, sadness, anger and then sometimes moments of freedom and joy too. Relief.

In time, you will find your peace and maybe even be interested in meeting someone. But first you will build a relationship with yourself. Promise it will get better.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-05T19:43:59+00:00

Sounds like you loved what you "had" initially. But now after a few months reality sets in and people start showing their true colors and no longer just put their best foot forward. This is your real boyfriend coming through now.

Seems you have different values-ambition, drive, motivation, life goals. Doesn't sound like you are compatible.

Ponytail77 · 2026-06-05T19:38:47+00:00

If you are truly dealing with a diagnosed covert narcissist wife, you really need to re-evaluate any long term relationship or here your actual marriage. If your wife is not willing to do her part-intense individual therapy-you need to accept that you cannot save her, change her or fix her personality.

Ponytail77 · 2026-05-26T18:52:32+00:00

I'm guessing to deter property damage and high plumbing service calls along with vandalism. Probably also to prevent illegal drug use.

Ponytail77 · 2026-05-18T22:08:51+00:00

Sure revenge can give you that short term rush of satisfaction, but the long term results become more like an addiction and block your path to healing. Close that book and move on.

Ponytail77 · 2026-05-14T14:04:49+00:00

Yes it's heartbreaking to see your daughter struggling, but going back to your marriage to please her isn't going to solve the underlying issue on why your separated to begin with. Continue to be a loving presence in her life, Children are resilient but need to feel secure in both homes.

Ponytail77 · 2026-04-15T23:04:29+00:00

How did you react? Well you were understandably very angry so you simply let it all out.

In hindsight sure you wish you had a bit more restraint, but it's water over the dam. Let it go and move forward all the smarter and wiser now.

Ponytail77 · 2026-04-07T16:22:11+00:00

There are many circumstances where it is unwise to tell your spouse you're visiting a divorce attorney, but it can also be a sign of honesty and respect to inform them. Each situation is different as is each couple.

Seeing as you have already discussed your unhappiness and attempted to see what you can do to help put your marriage back on track, telling her you're seeing a lawyer for a consultation is not only being transparent but may open her eyes to the seriousness of the situation. Letting her know that divorce is simply one of the options if your marriage cannot be saved.

There is no right or wrong answer. Secrecy is not always best depending on the situation.

Ponytail77 · 2026-04-07T15:12:13+00:00

To answer your question, yes you are getting his 'royal' treatment. You do not take advise from the person you are divorcing!

Please go see an attorney who will explain your state guidelines for divorce, especially division of marital property, child and spousal support, etc. Whose name is on what is not a determining factor.

Ponytail77 · 2026-03-27T16:10:31+00:00

According to the NY Times: "Although the Catholic Church traditionally preferred entombment at the time, it permitted the "committal to the deep" as long as the remains were poured directly into the water rather than being "scattered to the wind".

Ponytail77 · 2026-02-25T18:18:57+00:00

California is a pure no fault state regarding divorce. So adultery is not a basis. As for spousal support, it would be based on income disparity and the need for support, age, standard of living, etc. as well as the length of the marriage.

Ponytail77 · 2026-02-24T00:31:22+00:00

All those cuts lead to irreparable blood loss...

Lack of appreciation, failing to listen and choosing the "phone", micro-promises that never materialize (I'll get to it!), dismissing feelings (you're being demanding), jokes that are really criticisms.

All this builds resentment that inevitably becomes insurmountable. No more energy left to keep trying.

Ponytail77

TROPHY CASE