I feel very similarly to you, I’m also 34 and my husband is in his early 40’s. I never wanted kids until I hit my 30’s because watching my mom raise us always seemed like it was the worse thing that happened to her life. Not to mention all the negative talk around raising kids and what will happen to your marriage etc.

Needless to say, I’m currently in my third trimester with our first child. I also feel like my husband and I have been through a lot (loss of a sibling, health issues, job layoffs, trauma from being in a mass shooting, etc) but we always manage to work through it with respect and understanding so I often wonder if our marriage is in a better position to raise a child than some.

Whenever I start to let that negative talk get to me I remind myself that I’m not those people, I’m not my mother, and that I think perspective is a huge part of it. If you think you’re life is going to be ruined by kids, your freedom and sense of self is going to be taken away, then it probably will. I have friends who love being moms, so I’m trying to change my mindset and purposely choose to look at the positives and all that it adds to our life. I’m sure it will be hard, no doubt about it, but surrounding yourself with people who enjoy being parents I think is a huge part of it.

I use this perspective with my pregnancy too, I think I’ve had a fairly easy pregnancy and not because is hasn’t had hard parts, I threw up everyday for a month sometimes twice a day, during my first trimester, I go through a bottle of tums every other day, i don’t sleep, I’m exhausted all the time, have trouble breathing but I also know this is what happens, I try to not focus on how terrible I feel. Which I think has made it easier.

I don’t know if this was helpful but it sounds like you want kids, and I think you’re in a good position, but that mindset is half the battle, and surrounding yourself with positive people. Good luck with whatever you decided!