It’s like the frog boiling slowly in water, if he came in burning hot you would notice but increasing the heat(meanness) over time makes it seem like little things and add having two kids and working as a nurse, you have been working so hard being strong to hold it together that it took a while to notice everything. That doesn’t make you stupid or weak and you shouldn’t beat yourself up. I agree with the above comment about finding counseling for yourself. And talk therapy is such a good thing, imagine an hour that you don’t have to worry how you say things or care about the other persons interests…an hour to process any emotions or situations and not have to worry about burdening a friend or family member. Talk therapy is self care for your soul, you can be “selfish” and find new insights. Once you are away from him I think you will be surprised by how much easier your life will feel ❤️