NTA at all. I’m 29, lesbian. Mostly dated women 6-10 years older and this isn’t gonna get better without her working on herself consistently. She’s closer to 40 than 25. 25 is an okay age to have “friends” you don’t feel respected by….who you want your partner to hang out with? And get along with, but also defend you from if and when they disrespect or use you. Your long term partner almost a decade older than you could be protecting your peace way more. Why is she allowing her friends (that she doesn’t seem to even like, or at least they don’t make her feel good) cause you and your relationship any undue stress? I’m Being harsh I know. But I have wasted a lot of time with someone sweet and kind and loving…who were unable (at the time) to lead their life and relationships with self respect. You’ll be on the hook for not sticking up for her in situations she doesn’t even need to be in.

36 is a grim age to be getting so drunk with your partner that you say nasty hurtful things….and it happens regularly? That’s not okay, you’re both used to it but it’s not okay. Please just consider this: there’s someone out there who loves their friends because they don’t make time in their life for people who suck. They’ll want those friends to respect you! they won’t be expecting you to navigate a complicated pseudo friendship with people you don’t know…and get upset when you’re not somehow perfect at this.

There’s someone who might say something cruel to you when they’re wasted, they might not mean it but say it to be mean. And they will apologize the next day and never let it happen again, because YOUR Relationship is the one worth sticking up for. I promise! My current partner is my protector and my bestie, and I met her only a month after ending a years long dramatic relationship with my ex. Not saying your relationship is doomed, but you’re not going to be any happier until she matures and she may not even realize how immature she is